Face in the Wall - Poetry in Color Forum
 


Poetry in Color Forum
Donation Goal For Private Hosting 2009
Help us get better hosting = make your donation today!
We Have Received $160 Towards Our Goal Of $750
21.33% Of Our Goal Has Been Reached




Welcome To The JPiC Community.





All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:33 AM.
Official Forum Language Is English. Translate Below:
Click Here To Join JPiC Forum.

Kewl Stuff JPiC Radio Daily Horoscope JPiC Arcade Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
    JPiC Portal » Main Forum Index » Shades Of Fiction » Inspiring Novelists

Inspiring Novelists Aspiring to be a novelist? JPiC is in the business of inspiring and novelists are definitely welcome... So post your longer works in this section. (Only stories over 300 words please.)

Face in the Wall
this thread has 5 replies and has been viewed 356 times


Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 02-01-2008, 02:54 PM
  post #1
Member

DaveKuzminski's Avatar

DaveKuzminski Is The Original Thread Starter
Real Name: Dave Kuzminski
Last Online: 10-31-2008 10:16 PM
Location: Petersburg, Va
A/S/L:
Join Date: Dec 30 2007
Posts: 53 Threads: 29
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
DaveKuzminski has not received any JPiC Member Awards.
DaveKuzminski has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Face in the Wall

"Misty, come downstairs," Shelen called.

Clutching her favorite stuffed animal, Misty stepped down stairs. "Yes, Mommy?" Ralan's stern, yet sad face caught Misty's attention. "Did I do something , Daddy?"

"No, Misty. You were selected by the Committee."

"The Committee?" Misty asked.

"The Committee selects people to receive a wish. You'll get a wish from the Face In The Wall," Shelen said. "We received the official notice."

Misty sat in an easy chair with her stuffed animal beside her. She listened as her parents explained she couldn't wish for things that would cause more harm than good.

"So, I get to make a wish?"

"Yes, when we take you to meet the Face In The Wall," Shelen said. "For now, go upstairs and get some sleep."

Misty trudged back upstairs. Shelen and Ralan watched until she was out of sight before talking in a low whisper.

"She's too young," Shelen said.

"Can't be helped. It's the law," Ralan said.

"I'm scared about all the other things she might wish."


***

Misty walked alone with her stuffed toy from the reception building to the blue brick wall just over the height of a tall man. It matched in color the human-like face existing in the middle reaching from top to ground. Her colorful dress bounced with each step. As she approached, everything about her became blue. She stopped at a marked point in front of the face to stare in awe even as the Face watched her.

From inside the building, Misty's family observed silently. They and officials were required to wait by law so they couldn't influence the wisher. Barricades restricted access for the day to the otherwise public promenade that usually featured plenty of activity.

"Hello, Mr. Face. I'm Misty."

"Hello, Misty," a female voice answered. "I might look male, but I'm not."

"Oh?"

"I was once a wisher. I chose to take the place of the Face. Unfortunately, I didn't think my wish through carefully so I wound up with his face."

"Oh. Maybe that's what Mommy and Daddy were trying to explain."

"It probably was. You're young to be a wisher."

"Mommy and Daddy said that a lot. Should I wish now?"

"You can wish whenever you're ready. There's no rush. We can talk if you like. Who's your friend?"

Misty glanced around.

"I meant your doll. Does he have a name?"

Misty held out her doll so it faced the Face. "This is Mr. Happy. He wanted to see you. I promised he could."

"I'm pleased to meet you, Mr. Happy."

"He doesn't really talk, but I'm sure he's happy to meet you. I wanted to bring some toy animals, but Mommy said I should bring only one. I guess she was right. It was crowded on the bus. Mr. Happy had to sit in my lap."

"He looks well behaved."

"Want to know a secret?" Misty whispered.

"Sure. Is it about Mr. Happy?" the Face whispered.

"He doesn't like vegetables."

"Oh, my!"

"It's true. When he doesn't eat them, I tell him I'll change his name to Mr. Grumpy."

"Does that work?"

"Nooo. I have to show him how so much, there aren't any left when we finish. Then I let him get away with it after I give him a warning."

"I can see you care about Mr. Happy."

"He's a good friend. At least he can't die."

"Did someone close to you die?"

Misty nodded. "My kitten, Fluffy, died last year."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I thought about asking for her back. Mommy and Daddy said it's bad disturbing the dead. I don't want Fluffy to hate me, so I'm not wishing for anyone else to come back."

"That's wise. Besides, there will always be more kittens."

"Really?"

"Far as I know, there will."

"That's good. I like knowing there will be more kittens."

"Probably Mr. Happy does, too."

"I think Mr. Happy wanted Fluffy to eat his vegetables, but she wouldn't. Even so, he still missed Fluffy."

"That's understandable. You both lost a friend."

Misty nodded.

"Is there anything more you'd like to talk about or ask?"

"Um, why are you all blue? They told me inside I'd turn blue, but they didn't say why. Maybe they did, but there were too many people talking."

"I'm blue because one wisher wanted everything here blue."

"Oh. Would you like to be some other color?"

"Yes, but that's not possible. The wisher stated I'd remain blue forever."

"Oh, I remember they told me not to use that word in my wish."

"It's a good idea. Forever wishes can't be cancelled."

"Don't you ever get tired of blue?"

"I'm used to it. Still, at least I can see the clouds. Once in a while, I even see a distant rainbow. Those are real treats, just as it is for the one day each year I can speak."

"They said you might want to talk."

Misty and the Face talked for hours. At times, Misty laughed loud enough to be heard at the reception building through slightly opened doors and windows. When Misty finally walked away, only then did anyone realize she'd made her wish. As Misty approached the building, the smile on her face indicated her wish had gone well. Only when she reached the edge of the promenade could others finally hurry out to greet her and find out what she wished for, provided she'd tell.

"Misty! I'm so glad you're all right," Shelen exclaimed.

"I hope you don't mind, but I made a forever wish."

Almost immediately, the crowd became silent.

"What did you wish for?" Ralan asked hesitantly.

Misty looked up and pointed over the building. "That. I wished for that to visit for one day every month forever. I wanted the Face to have something beautiful to look at that wasn't all blue."

Immediately, everyone turned to stare at the rainbow over the promenade.

Ralan whispered to Shelen, "She's growing up."

"Yes, but it's the kind I can live with."


}|{ the end }|{
DaveKuzminski is offline   Reply With Quote
JPiC Forum Sponsor Links • This Forum is enhanced with content-revelevant advertisings...
JPiC Whole-Post Ad Policy
Whole-Post advertisings are shown only to JPiC Forum For Writers' Guests. Once successfully registered, such ads will not be shown. CLICK HERE to register your 100% FREE JPiC account today and become an active Member of our Community for Poets & Writers! CLICK HERE for advertising opportunities.

Old 02-03-2008, 10:12 AM
  post #2
Moderator

Mysty's Avatar

My Mood:
Real Name: Mysty
Last Online: 01-06-2009 09:02 PM
Location: Canadian Prairies
A/S/L: 47
Join Date: Nov 1 2006
Posts: 918 Threads: 70
Member Blog Entries: 2
Thanks: 10
Thanked 19 Times in 18 Posts
Biography: Am a Mom extraordinaire.... my kids just don't want to leave home.
Mysty has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Very well done Dave...... kept me riveted all the way through. You could work this into a full novel me thinks.... or a bunch of Face in the Wall short stories anthology. lol kind of reminds me of "mirror, mirror on the wall..... whose the fairest of them all?"

Thanks for a lovely read.

Mysty



Signed By Mysty


Forum Signatures Are Not Shown To Unregistered Guests.
CLICK HERE to Register Your Free JPiC Forum Account.

Mysty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2008, 09:58 AM
  post #3
Member

DaveKuzminski's Avatar

DaveKuzminski Is The Original Thread Starter
Real Name: Dave Kuzminski
Last Online: 10-31-2008 10:16 PM
Location: Petersburg, Va
A/S/L:
Join Date: Dec 30 2007
Posts: 53 Threads: 29
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
DaveKuzminski has not received any JPiC Member Awards.
DaveKuzminski has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
I'm not sure that this could become a full-length novel, but the idea of a series of stories for an anthology involving the same setting could be interesting. I think I'll start collecting ideas on other characters and plots to use for this. Thanks for the idea.

By the way, I'm surprised that this is the first short story of mine to gain a remark. I thought that "Dead Time" would be the one most likely to elicit some remarks of, "Duh, what? This doesn't make sense." at the very least since this site concentrates more on poetry. Which reminds me, I really need to get something written down on my latest idea for a poem.

Oops, I just noticed I forgot that "Victory Parade" elicited remarks. Must be "Oldtimers disease" catching up with me. They say the memory is the first to go. Oops, I just noticed...

Last edited by DaveKuzminski; 02-04-2008 at 10:50 AM.
DaveKuzminski is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2008, 01:49 PM
  post #4
Moderator

butchiesmom's Avatar

My Mood:
Real Name: Gail Deemer
Last Online: 01-07-2009 10:18 PM
Location: Clune, PA
A/S/L: 54
Join Date: Oct 20 2006
Posts: 835 Threads: 79
Member Blog Entries: 8
Thanks: 9
Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts
Surfs The Web With:
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Several things I like about this story. First, it has a clear beginning, middle and end. Second, the characters are realistic, especially the little girl. Her dialogue with the Face is exactly the way my granddaughters would talk to it. Third, the dialogue, over all, is easy to read and understand and it forwards the story line. Finally, I love this genre, lol

The sentence below is an example of the realistic dialogue. I could 'hear' Mysty talking about her bear and how she 'shows' him how to eat his veggies. It's so darned cute!

"Nooo. I have to show him how so much, there aren't any left when we finish. Then I let him get away with it after I give him a warning."

I found a few nits. My punctuation sucks so this might be wrong, but suggestions are meant to be considered, not necessarily etched in stone.

animal, Misty stepped down stairs. (downstairs) (or Mysty stepped down the stairs)
to wait(,) by law(,) so they couldn't
I wanted to bring some toy animals, but Mommy said I should bring only one. (This one I'm really not sure of but I think it should say some more stuffed animals because her mommy told her she should bring only one. I don't know for sure, could be wrong, wouldn't be the first time.)

Like I said, love this story, not only because of the genre but because it's so well written and easy to follow and understand.

hugs,
Gail
butchiesmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2008, 11:53 PM
  post #5
Member

DaveKuzminski's Avatar

DaveKuzminski Is The Original Thread Starter
Real Name: Dave Kuzminski
Last Online: 10-31-2008 10:16 PM
Location: Petersburg, Va
A/S/L:
Join Date: Dec 30 2007
Posts: 53 Threads: 29
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
DaveKuzminski has not received any JPiC Member Awards.
DaveKuzminski has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Any better?

"Misty, come downstairs," Shelen called out. "Your father and I have to talk with you."

Misty stepped carefully down the stairs while clutching her favorite stuffed animal. "Yes, Mommy?" Ralan's stern, yet sad face caught Misty's attention as he looked up from a sheet of paper. "Did I do something wrong, Daddy?"

"I don't think so, Misty. Your name was selected by the Committee, even though I don't know how they got it," Ralan said.

"The Committee?" Misty asked.

"The Committee selects people to receive a wish. You'll get a wish from the Face in the Wall," Shelen said. "Your father and I received the official notice with instructions on what you can't wish for. We'd like to go over those now with you."

Misty sat down in an easy chair after placing her stuffed animal on one-half of the seat. She then listened as Shelen and Ralan explained that she couldn't wish for a number of things that would otherwise cause more harm than the good they accomplished. Past wishers had taught their society the importance of maintaining a balance in numerous areas. Fortunately, some of those conditions lasted only a few years before someone recognized the unforeseen problems that resulted and used a wish to reverse the damage.

"So, I get to make a wish tomorrow?" Misty asked.

"Yes, when we take you to meet the Face in the Wall," Shelen said. "For now, just go upstairs to your room and get some sleep. You can think about what you want to wish for while we're traveling."

Misty trudged back upstairs with her toy clutched in her arms. Shelen and Ralan watched until she was out of sight. They resumed talking only in a low whisper.

"I hope she understood. She's too young for this," Shelen said.

"It can't be helped. The law states that whoever is picked has to make a wish. I'm not certain, though, that she understood all the things the government doesn't want wished," Ralan said.

"I'm scared about all the other things she might wish. She might wish to become an adult. Then we'll lose all her growing years. She might even wish for something even worse."

***

Misty left the family at the reception building that stood to one side of The Wall. Made of blue brick stacked and cemented together to just over the height of a tall man, it matched in color the human-like face that somehow existed in the middle and reached from top to ground. Misty walked alone with only her stuffed toy in her arms while her colorful cotton-like dress bounced slightly with each step she made. As she slowly approached, everything about her changed to blue. Misty glanced at her blue skin with only slight curiosity as she'd been told that any changes she experienced would revert back upon leaving. She felt certain that she remembered hearing that. She reached a clearly marked point etched in front of the face and halted. From there, she stared in awe at the imposing sight even as the face watched her in return, as it had ever since she'd left the reception building.

From inside the building, Misty's family observed silently where they and officials were required to wait by law so they couldn't influence the annual wisher. Barricades restricted access for the day to the otherwise public promenade that usually featured plenty of activity, much of which went on before a silent, never sleeping, always observant Face.

***

"She's sure gutsy for such a young girl," a TV reporter whispered into his microphone.

The cameraman kept the camera steady as he shifted slightly to keep Misty in view without cutting the reporter from the scene.

More media people created a crush around them as they sought to get their own footage.

"Betcha she wishes for candy," one reporter whispered to another.

"At least it's a safe wish," another reporter replied in a hushed tone.

"She's blue now," one reporter stated. "We'll try to keep her in view until this is over, but the picture will be poor considering everything on the plaza is blue. Right now, we'll try to get an interview with her parents. Let's hope this isn't the last opportunity for anyone to speak with them."

***

"She's standing before the Face," Ralan said. "Doesn't look like she's afraid."

"I wish I could say the same," Shelen whispered.

"It's my understanding you're the proud parents of Misty. Would you mind speaking with us for the news?"

"I can't talk," Shelen whispered. "I'm too nervous."

"You keep watch on her," Ralan said. "I'll talk with the press."

***

"Hello, Mr. Face. I'm Misty."

"Hello, Misty," a female voice answered. "I might look male, but I'm not."

"How is that possible?"

"I was once a wisher like you are now and chose to take the place of the Face. He granted my wish as you can see. Unfortunately, I didn't think my wish through carefully enough and I wound up with his face."

"Oh. Maybe that's what my Mommy and Daddy were trying to explain to me yesterday."

"It probably was. You're young to be a wisher."

"My Mommy and Daddy kind of said that a lot, too. Am I supposed to wish now?"

"You can wish whenever you're ready. We're not in any sort of rush, so take your time. We can talk some more if you like. Who's your friend?"

Misty glanced around.

"I meant your doll. Does he have a name?"

Misty held out her arms with her doll so that it faced the Face. "Oh, this is Mr. Happy. He wanted to see you and I promised that he could."

***

"She's holding up her stuffed rabbit," a newscaster said. "Evidently, she's younger than we thought. I hope this isn't indicative of the kind of fantasy she might wish real." He looked over at a casually dressed man.

"Statistically, that's possible. There was the one young man with delusions who wanted his pet dog to speak. Of course, we all know he received his wish, much to his displeasure since the dog sure told him what it wanted without caring about meshing into human society."

"Oh, yes, I remember that. I'm speaking with our expert on past wishers, Miltan, from the State Institute for Higher Education. The dog's name was Jake, wasn't it?"

"Yes, Jake. Sure didn't take him long to make known his desires for female dogs and such. Of course, it proved to be of some benefit since scientists gained some real insights into why dogs behave the way they do. However, bringing to life a real fantasy is something most of us never considered as likely until today. Now we'll have to wonder whether a cartoon character is going to become a living part of our society and we'll have to hope and pray that it's not hostile."

The reporter nodded. "It's my guess that she'll want something cute and cuddly."

"I would hope so, but even that could be a disaster."

"How so?"

Miltan answered, "She might not realize some cartoon characters are too large to adapt to the real world. I'd hate to have one appear that inadvertently steps on people and structures with dire results."

"I see what you mean."

***

"I'm pleased to meet you, Mr. Happy."

"He doesn't really talk, but I'm sure that he's happy to meet you, too. I wanted to bring some of my toy animals, but Mommy said I should bring only one so I wouldn't lose any. I guess she was right. It was crowded on the bus and Mr. Happy had to sit in my lap the whole way here."

"He looks very well behaved."

"Want to know a secret?" Misty whispered after a quick glance around.

***

"What was that move for? Did she just make a wish?"

"Is it over already?"

"She's still there. Settle down. Probably just heard something and checked behind her."

"Yeah, at her age, I'd be scared in front of that huge face."

Ralan glared at some of the reporters without so much as an acknowledgment. He did, however, get caught on film.

***

"Sure. Is it about Mr. Happy?" The Face whispered back.

"Yes, it is. He doesn't like his vegetables."

"Oh, my!"

***

"Judging by the look on the Face, I think she just surprised the Face," Miltan said.

"Think it's about her wish?" the reporter asked.

"That's difficult to say. Right now, I'd rather not speculate on what she'll wish for. I've seen too many surprises before to want to take a guess."

***

"It's true. When he doesn't eat them, I tell him that I'll change his name to Mr. Grumpy."

"Does that work?"

"Not really. Anyway, I have to show him how so much that there aren't any left when we finish eating. Then I let him get away with it after I give him a warning."

"I can see that you care about Mr. Happy."

"He's a good friend. At least he can't die."

"That's true. Did someone close to you die?" The Face asked.

Misty nodded. "My kitten, Fluffy, died last year."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

***

"Misty doesn't look happy. Did you catch that on film?" the reporter said.

"Not sure," the cameraman replied. "Too blue to catch any real detail."

***

"I thought about asking for her back, but Mommy and Daddy explained that it's bad disturbing the dead. I don't want Fluffy to hate me, so I'm not wishing for her or anyone else who's dead to come back."

"That's probably the wisest choice you can make. Besides, there will always be more kittens."

"Really?"

"As far as I know, there will."

"That's good then. I like knowing that there will be more kittens."

"So do I. Probably Mr. Happy does, too."

Misty glanced around in a conspiratorial manner. " I think Mr. Happy wanted Fluffy to eat his vegetables, but she wouldn't. Even so, he still missed Fluffy after she died."

***

"What's she looking around for?" the reporter asked. "Anything showing on film near her?"

The cameraman carefully shook his head so he wouldn't jostle the camera.

The reporter looked at Miltan only to realize the expert seemed to have an idea. "What is it, Miltan?"

"It just occurred to me that children have invisible friends. She could very well have one with her."

"For real?" the reporter asked.

"I don't know, but she might want her invisible friend to become real. Whether she wishes her friend visible is another matter."

***

"That's understandable. You both lost a friend," the Face said.

Misty stood nodding her head silently for a few moments.

"Is there anything more you'd like to talk about or ask before you make your wish?" The Face asked.

"Well, I was wondering why you're all blue. They told me inside just as I stepped out that I'd turn blue, too, but they didn't say why. Maybe they did, but there were too many of them talking most of the time trying to remind me about what I shouldn't wish for," Misty said.

"I'm blue because one of the wishers long ago wished that everything here would be blue."

"Oh. Would you want to be some other color?"

"Yes, but that's not possible. The wisher stated that I'd remain blue forever."

Misty nodded. "I remember now that they told me not to use that word in my wish."

"It's probably a good idea since forever wishes can't be cancelled."

"Don't you ever get tired of being blue?"

"I'm used to it. Still, at least I can see the clouds. Once in a while, I even see a rainbow. Those are real treats for my tired eyes, just as it is for the one day each year that I'm permitted to speak."

"Yes, they told me you might want to talk."

***

The reporter looked at his watch. "We have enough film?"

"We're good for the whole day," the cameraman whispered.

"She must be a real talker at home. She's been talking with the Face for almost four hours now and there's still no sign that she's made a wish."

"Maybe she doesn't know what to wish for?" the cameraman whispered.

Miltan nodded. "Very possible that she's getting advice. If so, that puts her far ahead of other wishers I've studied. With luck, she'll wish for something that can be bought cheaply and be very happy with her wish until she's old enough to know what she could have had. By then, it won't matter."

***

"Nothing's happened to us," Shelen said cautiously.

"Misty loves us. I don't think she'd wish anything bad upon us," Ralan said.

"I'm worried that she'll wish something good on us that backfires."

"So am I, but it's out of our hands. We'll deal with whatever comes and do our best to remember she's still our daughter no matter what."

"I just want her back normal so she can grow up like other girls. I don't want her or us changed."

"We're still ourselves. Don't worry about it."

"I can't help but worry about what she might wish for."

***

"I think the parents are about to lose it," the reporter whispered. He nudged the cameraman to get a shot of Ralan and Shelen.

"I really feel bad for them," the cameraman replied.

***

Misty and The Face continued to talk for several hours about what they liked and enjoyed. At times, Misty laughed loud enough to be heard back at the reception building where curious ears were pressed against slightly opened doors and windows. When at last Misty turned and walked away with her doll to return to the building and back to her normal color, only then did anyone realize that she'd at last made her wish. As Misty drew closer to the building, the smile on her face seemed to indicate that her wish had gone well. Only when she reached and left the edge of the promenade was it permissible for others to finally hurry out to greet her and find out what she wished for, provided Misty would tell. After all, some wishers had never revealed their wishes.

"Misty! Oh, I'm so glad that you're all right," Shelen exclaimed.

"I hope you don't mind, but I made a forever wish."

Almost immediately, the crowd became deathly silent. If it was possible for the people to pay more attention to Misty than before, they were doing so.

"What did you wish for?" Ralan asked with some hesitance in his voice.

Misty looked up and pointed over the building. "That. I wished for that rainbow to visit for one day every month forever. I wanted The Face to have something beautiful to look at that wasn't all blue."

Immediately, everyone turned to stare at the bright rainbow that stretched from one side of the promenade to the other. Even the several cameras shifted from Misty to focus on the rainbow.

Ralan whispered to Shelen, "She is growing up."

"Yes, but it's the kind I can live with."

}|{ the end }|{

Last edited by DaveKuzminski; 04-08-2008 at 11:17 AM.
DaveKuzminski is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2008, 07:38 AM
  post #6
Moderator

butchiesmom's Avatar

My Mood:
Real Name: Gail Deemer
Last Online: 01-07-2009 10:18 PM
Location: Clune, PA
A/S/L: 54
Join Date: Oct 20 2006
Posts: 835 Threads: 79
Member Blog Entries: 8
Thanks: 9
Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts
Surfs The Web With:
Instant Message Info Is Private.
This is such a great story! Just read it again and am still filled with a great feeling of satisfaction at the end. That feeling is everything to me. I love it when it happens after I've written the last word of something I'm working on, lol. And, yes, that's better, lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveKuzminski View Post
Misty walked alone with only her stuffed toy in her arms while her colorful cotton-like dress bounced slightly with each step she made.
Since I didn't go back and review my last suggestions, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but I just love this detail. A little girl does, indeed, tend to bounce and so do their dresses.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveKuzminski View Post
She felt certain that she remembered hearing that.
I suggest: She felt certain she remembered hearing that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveKuzminski View Post
public promen