Holly

Chapter Five :
And He...

It's the first day of eighth grade. The last day of eighth grade. August twenty-fifth. The day I'm going to die. The last time I'll see Zack and Connie. And everything else.

I'm so afraid. How am I going to kill myself?

"’Adieu, Adieu, Adieu,’
I say
Yes, it's true
Today's the day”

I bathe and dress. I decide to eat breakfast for once in my life. I'm out the door early. But the bus is there. I board. Constance and Zachary are already waiting inside our enormous, orange vehicle.

"How was your summer, Lexy?"

Awful. Horrible. Terrible. The most horrific experience ever.

"It was all right."

Zack hands a clipped out section of a newspaper. It's about a poetry contest. With a $1,000 prize.

"You should enter."

I can't. I can't, Zachary. I'm not going to live to tomorrow.

"I could."

"Hey, good job on the Highest Achiever Awards," Connie congratulates.

"Thanks," Zack and I thank simultaneously.

Silence. Then the ride ends.

Room C12 is my homeroom. The teacher is Ms. Kari. Social Studies is the subject. A desk in the first row, first column has a label with my name taped to it. I settle myself.


"Good morning, students," the speaker barks. "Welcome to your first day back! Today's lunch - "

I'm tired of listening to the announcements. You won't ever hear them again after tonight. How is it going to happen? You can't use a knife. Too messy. Might chicken out half way through and be left with a stab and pain for the next three months.

Hanging might be the way to go. But do you have a rope? No, I don't have a rope.

"...choice is yours. See you!"

Choice is yours. How convenient.

"Okay, class, I'm Ms. Kari," Ms. Kari introduces herself.

Hi, Ms. Kari. Bye, Ms. Kari.

"I'm going to be your Social Studies teacher this year. Now, the first thing we're going to do is compose a short essay about what you think is going to happen in eighth grade. If you don't finish here, it's for homework."

What's going to happen in eighth grade? What's going to happen after I'm gone? I start to write.

"This upcoming year is going to be different from other years. Everyone will be so joyful and carefree. And so will I. Because something will be missing."

I weep. Go ahead, Lexy, and cry! It doesn't matter what anybody thinks anymore!

"They don't have to be a certain length. As long as effort is put into them."

Ms. Kari picks up my essay and takes it to her desk. What the hell?! I never gave her permission to read my essay! She can't just steal it from me! She's looking at me. With knowledge. Care. Understanding. Ms. Kari understand what it means. She understands you. A teacher who barely has had any time with you knows more than your own mother!

"...oday you guys aren't going to rotate classes. It's a day to become used to me, you're seats, and just plain being here."

So we're not going to do anything? My last day of living is going to be total nothingness?

I'm bored until lunch. I roam around, searching for Zack and Connie. I spot Zack. And he... is talking to Jeffery? Oh God! He's telling him everything. And more. He's probably exaggerating. Lying.

I try to pass them without being noticed.

"Hey, there's Sexy Lexy now!"

Jeffery points at me. Ten bodies turn and look at me. One of them is Zack. Agony and distress scream from inside of him. He's hurting. It looks as though he's dead. But he's not. Zack's astounding, stomach turning, heart aching presence is directly in front of me.

I bite into my lip to prevent myself from crying and dart for the gym. I crash to the floor and let the tears flow. Zack appears seconds later.

Now he's going to abhor you more than he already does. Zack will probably start yelling his head off any minute now. And he'll scold you.

He stands me up. Here it comes, Lexy. I brace myself for the worst.

And he... kisses me?

Chapter Six :
Fixed

He's kissing you, Lexy! He's kissing you!

I back away a tiny bit for a split second to tell him.

"God, I'm so in love with you, Zachary."

He resumes. His arms are around my waist. Mine are around his neck.

"I love you," Zack confesses.

He said it! He said the words he's only spoken to you in your imagination! He said he loves you! He loves you, Lexy!

Wait. No he doesn't. Constance. He loves Constance. I shove him.

"No you don't. You love Connie.”

"Are you nuts? What gave you that idea?"

Why do you want to fucking lie to me? I'm not dumb. But you think I am, don't you, Zack?

"I heard you tell someone you think I'm fucked up and that you will never tell me you're in love with Constance. And I saw you hugging her."

"One of my friends, who, by the way, isn't my friend anymore, wanted me to tell you I love Constance because he thought it would be funny."

Relief. But not good enough relief.

"But you do think I'm fucked up?"

He embraces me.

"Yes, I do. You know it, Lexy. You need help. Sometimes you really lose it. Look at what you did last night! That's why I hugged Constance. We're both worried about you. That you'll commit suicide."

I was until you kissed me.

"I never will. If you actually love me. Do you love me?"

"Yes. I love you like hell."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Zachary holds and kisses me again.

I'm going to hang onto life. And Zack. And I'm entering that poetry contest. I'll throw everything life tosses at me straight back to it. Because of my storm, my sun, and my rainbow, there is a tomorrow.

I apologize for any typing errors.