Kem Rixen

[Just barely over 300 words, 346 actually. It really is a short story.]

“Beep beep,” said the Monkey. The dream was over, the man woke up, dazed and confused. He heard the sounds of the piano in the distance, as he wandered towards the window. Outside it was a cheerful day, people zipping by in the tubes to and fro. Charles Pentergast didn't have to get up this early but he enjoyed listening to some classical music before going to work, it relaxed him. The alarm went off; now it was time to go to work, he shut off the music and leaped out the window. Landing in one of the tubes he sped off towards work.

Suddenly he slowed down and the levitation stopped, the horizontal tube was no longer holding him in the center, he was on the flooring. In front and behind him he could hear complaints from other workers. In this bizarre scenario he decided that he might as well walk through the tube the rest of the way, or at least until the tube started working again. In the history of the existence of the tubes he had never heard of them malfunctioning, it was quite odd.

Charles reached work late, in comparison to his coworkers it could be considered fashionably late. Walking over to the coffee machine he immediately discovered it not to be working, quite odd in this day and age he thought to himself. He looked over and saw lots of people talking, walking closer he could hear that no one knew why everything wasn't working. There were clusters around the television screens, yet none worked, the clusters wished that they could get some news on the electrical problems yet no news came.

One man in the cluster began yelling profanities at the television screen, demanding it work. Charles was quite frightened by this, people were usually so happy, nothing ever broke so why would there be reason for sadness. Soon many people started yelling, running around in circles, it was hypnotizing. Charles was almost swept into one of the clusters but managed to keep his distance. Then the violence began...

[I don't really like this version. I tried to make a better version, but it became this huge story, multiple chapters, I just couldn't finish it.]

PaintedDiary

Kem,

I really like this a lot. Puts me in mind of "The Time Machine" (1960 by George Pal). I am intrigued by the horizontal tube as a means of travel, as if everyone does, as if natural....did we go in time? I love that. It was written clearly, and had a Willy Wonka feel (fun, playful, fairytellish) as well. What was your inspiration for this piece? I can't wait to find out! Also, why did everything stop working? OMG-WHY!!!!!!! LOL!!! I believe there is an actor named "Charles J. Pendergast". Is there any connection? Great Job. I know you said, you did not like this version, however, I think you are off to a good start young man.

Much Luv'...~*Painted Diary*~

Kem Rixen

Yikes, many things to answer, I'll try to answer everything.

The inspiration came from school, when someone was complaining about something not working, and another person saying that when you have that many units sent out some of them are bound to be broken. Then I thought about what it would be like if that didn't happen. That is really where the core of the story came from. Products always working, the bliss that went with it, and the chaos that left when things stopped working, was all explored a lot more in the second version of the story.

Later on I was a bit disappointed when I realized that this idea of malfunctioning products causing chaos had already been done, in a Twilight Zone episode, The Monsters are due on Maple Street. In the end of that episode it's revealed that it was aliens that did it, as an experiment. I don't know why I didn't realize the similarity earlier on as I'm a huge Twilight Zone fan.

The name of the main character comes from another television show, there is a character whose last name is Pendergast. I didn't know how to spell it so I put in a 't' instead, I think it looks better that way. The first name came from a friend I had for years. Later on I met someone whose lastname was Pentergast, so I ended up changing the name in the second version. In the second version the character already had a changed first name, but it was basically the same person.

Honestly I can't remember why everything broke in this version, I know it's different from the newer version, I probably should have written it down somewhere.

PaintedDiary

Thank you so much for all that info. Remember there is a steady stream in the chaos theory. I wrote that because I am a Science teacher. You have done a fabulous job!! Cannot wait for the second installment.

Kem Rixen

There isn't really a second piece of it, this was it. I'll just post the second version that transformed into a much larger piece. The style is a bit different as I have a lot of trouble staying with one style, even from one hour to the next.

Crashing through the skylight the glass shattered at his feet, quickly looking each direction he dashed through the doorway. “Kem Rixen was on a mission, a mission to stop the world from evildoers!” said the Narrator quite patriotically. The television flickered for a moment and shut off, the lights went off as well. Joric's house was completely dark, frightened he stumbled around the room looking for the light switch. Joric assumed someone was playing a practical joke on him, but as he tapped at the light switch nothing happened. Joric was very confused, he slowly managed to make it down the staircase, knocking over the potted plant at the bottom. Walking out the door he saw that there were no lights in the whole city, the moon lit his path, rather inadequately compared to the street lights Joric thought.

He walked towards his car, it didn't work either, this didn't surprise him all that much as nothing else seemed to work, though he was very confused on why this all happened.
Out of the darkness came a voice, in a joking sort of tone it said,“Hey Joric, this one of your pranks?” As the figure approached Joric instantly recognized the man.
“No Terith, I'm as confused as you are.”
“Yeah...this didn't seem like your kind of humor really. I was hoping it was as this whole thing is creeping me out a bit.”
Joric thought so as well, but he would never admit he was scared. “Oh come on Terith, it isn't all that bad, I'm sure its just a bunch of kids down at the Power Facility.”
They headed down the street towards the Power Facility, as they approached they saw more and more people. Many people were crowded around, looking at something to the right of the facility. Joric headed over, Terith didn't notice and kept heading into the facility.

As Joric approached he heard shouting, he began to run and then managed to shove his way the center of the group. A fight was going on between many people, the crowd around Joric surged inwards and he was thrown into the fight, a man with a glass bottle smashed him over the head, everything went dark...

MsJacquiiC

Wait wait Wait - I'm confused now??? Hey KEM - the 2nd part that you've posted is supposed to be a continuation of the 1st ???? What happened to Charles? Or was this beginning to explain the Then the violence began... Perhaps the 1st part was just a prologue?

LOL - We got questions for you youngman

Anyway - I'll comment on the 1st part... I think it was actually a very good beginning... I think it could use some florishing of language and possibly a bit of dialogue between Charles and his "self"

Anyway - when reading a novel - I usually put it down if I cannot get into it after the 1st couple of paragraphs - But you really started to setting the scene really nicely. I would have kept reading..... At least to the 1st chapter

I'd like to encourage you to continue, as there is a definite talent!
Thanx for sharing it - And please do explain that 2nd part - That was really weird.

Jacquii.

Kem Rixen

Like I said when I posted the original, I never really liked that version. Eventually I went back and wrote an entire new version of it, which is the second thing I posted. The second version expanded into a much larger story that I never finished. There are a few unconnected chapters and a huge outline. The larger story was split into two parts this was originally supposed to end the first part. The first section was split between the two characters you see in the second thing I posted, linked together by stories of a action hero in their world, Kem Rixen.

Basically the first and second things I posted were the exact same thing, I just never liked the first. It's like a movie remake, except the remake is better in this case

Thanks for the compliments and sorry for the confusion.

MsJacquiiC