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    JPiC Portal » Main Forum Index » Shades Of Fiction » Inspiring Novelists

Inspiring Novelists Aspiring to be a novelist? JPiC is in the business of inspiring and novelists are definitely welcome... So post your longer works in this section. (Only stories over 300 words please.)

A Secret's Price part 2
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Old 11-12-2006, 11:19 PM
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A Secret's Price part 2

Continued from A Secret's Price Part 1
--------------------------

"MA'AM!...MA'AM!" an ambulance driver nudged her out of her memories.
"Huh?" she started confused, until she recognized the white uniform with the blood red cross on it.
"Ma'am, we need you to let go of the body and give it to us." HAd they just said 'the body' and 'give it to us?'
"He's not dead! He's just sleeping, I can feel his pulse!" Yet as she held out his arm to prove it, she gasped in horror. His arm had a pulse ten times weaker than before. She started shaking uncontrollably, and held even tighter to her love's body.
"Ma'am, we need to see that body, we need to see if we can help him." The man was now impatient with her.
"Don't let him die, please don't let him die!" she pleaded.
"We will do all we can Ma'am," he replied sympathetically, "right now you need to let go of him so we can take him to a hospital to be helped," he told her compassionately. She let go of him slowly and as she finally released him, she went into another fit of tears, and a police officer helped her to her feet and into the vehicle. She was lost in another memory though and wasn't paying any attention.

This time it was a week ago, her birthday, and he had offered to take her out to eat. She had accepted, and he picked her up later that day. She climbed into the passenger seat as he opened the door for her, and then shut it when she was in. Then he went around to the driver's side, got in, and started up the car. He drove to a real fancy, and expensive resturaunt. 'Aww, you don't have to...' she had started to protest. 'Don't even try,' he interrupted her, 'it's your birthday and i plan to make it worth your while,' he grinned as he escorted her through glass doors with dragons carved on them. She entered the resturaunt with him, and gasped in amazement. There were crystal chandeliers above every table; the walls surrounding the tables were made of marble and embedded with all kinds of gems. There were sapphires, amethysts, topazes, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, opals, and all kinds of other gems. The plates were crystal and lined with gold, and the silverware was pure sterling silver. There was everything you could imagine on the menu. As she ate she kept glancing over at him. He was surprisingly a little nervous looking. He looked anxious, like he needed to go somewhere. 'What's wrong?' she had asked him compassionately. 'Nothing!' he had said a little too fast and innocently. 'So how are you enjoying your meal?' he asked her trying to change the subject. 'The food is great, i can't believe you went though all of this for me.' 'It's your birthday, don't worry about it.' he replied, shrugging off the compliment. They finished their meal, and as he helped her stand up, she was so close to him, she could smell his aftershave. She was so close, yet she couldn't bring herself to kiss him. What was wrong with her, here was another perfect time, and she still held back. They left the resturaunt in silence and he drove back to her house. When they arrived, she invited him in. He said he couldn't, that he had to get up real early the next morning. So they said their goodbyes and he left.

"Excuse me, are you awake?" the police officer nudged her.
"Wha..!" she woke up from her trance all startled.
"Are you listening Ma'am?" he inquired.
"Yes," she answered as she remembered where she was and what had happened. She fell into another outburst of tears.
"Okay, I know this is gonna be hard for you," the officer offered sympathetically, but I need you to tell me exactly what happened." She hesitated, too scared to relive the moment, but finally she began.
"Well, I was just walking along the road, along with that guy that is very hurt. We were just walking and two people came up from behind me and shoved me. Before i knew what had happened they had taken my purse and my...he ran after them." She had almost called him her boyfriend, and she choked up more tears.
"He...who?" the officer asked.
"That guy that was hurt, because of me, he was hurt because of me, it's all my fault, and now he's being taken to a hospital!" she wailed, choking back more tears.
"Now now, it wasn't your fault ma'am, it was never your fault," the officer offered her comfortingly, "now continue, he followed them, and then what?" he asked her
"it was my fault, he never would have been hurt if I wasn't there, if I had only been a little more careful, and kept my purse secure, none of this would've happened; he loved me, so he was defending me,. If he had never loved me, this would've never happened. He's dying because of ME!" she shouted, and shook with uncontrollable sobs. The officer handed her a couple of tissues.
"Thanks," she managed to say, then blew her nose, and continued with her story. "He followed them down an alley and caught one of them; they both fell down, and the other guy jumped in. They overpowered him, though he put up a good fight. They pinned him to a wall, one of their noses were bloody, and the other had a swelling lip," she added, having admiration for his heroic effort. "Anyways, they pinned him to the wall, and slammed him in the stomach at least ten times. Still, he tried to fight. He hit one of them in the face and knocked him to the ground. The other wrapped his arm around his throat, stopping all air. He became weak, and then they both resumed punching him in the stomach some more. After about six more times of punching him, they let him go, and he crumpled to the ground. They started walking away, but he got up again and limped after them, determined to stop them. They turned around and started to fight again. They knocked him to the ground, but he got up and lunged at them again. He managed to knock out one of their teeth, it's laying over there," she pointed some few feet away from her. "They got mad after that though," she continued, "and they took out a knife and threatened him. Still, he wouldn't back down. So they stabbed him in his stomach. He fell, and they stabbed him twice more in the leg and arm, and then ran. I ran over to him and knelt next to him. He was still breathing, though he was struggling, and I was scared. I held him in my arms, and watched as he became even weaker. The last...the last thing he said...he said that he loved me, then passed out. That is what happened," she finished her story and went into yet another bout of tears.

Soon they arrived at the hospital. They went through to the emergency room and she saw him through the door window. "Is he going to be alright?" she asked frantically to the nearest doctor. The doctor told her he was in severe shock, but that no arteries were hit, and that he would steadily recover. They were putting more blood into him, and they had sealed his wounds. She sighed in relief and waited at the door.

"It's going to be a while," a doctor advised, "do you want to sit in the waiting room?" She told the doctor no, that she would wait there for however long it took for him to wake up. Two hours later he did wake up, and the first thing he saw, was her, waiting at the door anxiously. She yelled with happiness flooding her voice, and opened the door and rushed over to him.
"Hey! Hey! Wait a minute," he smiled weakly. She couldn't stop herself though, and hugged him fiercely.
"I thought you were going to die, I was so scared!" she sobbed into his shoulder.
"Everything's going to be all right," he stroked her hair. "I'm not dead, you're alright, everything's going to be just fine."
She took him in her arms, and she whispered in his ear, "I don't want to lose you again without you knowing this," and said the words that she had never brought herself to say before, brought herself to say those words that eluded her everytime she tried. She embraced him, her lips locked with his; when she finally let go, she whispered, "I love you," and collapsed by his side.
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Old 11-12-2006, 11:58 PM
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Nice lil story Ed, I enjoyed reading it. I read the first half yesterday though. Can't wait to see more from you. Though I really wish you'd have a look in Writers Resource.
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Old 11-13-2006, 05:27 AM
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Hey ED - Patricia's looking for a writing partner: "PARTNER WANTED, SEEKED, LONGED FOR & DEMANDED!"
------------------
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Now I really did enjoy reading this one, though I'm a bit confused as to what the title has to do with the story... It's a bit irrelevent actually, as there's a secret? And the price?....

Anyway - very nice write - I think it needs a bit of polishing to work the kinks out and the typos. But a very nice writing work!

Thanx for sharing it with us!

Jacquii.



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Old 11-13-2006, 04:36 PM
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Hey Patricia and Ms.JacquiiC, thx for commenting....the secret in the story that is kept, is the fact that both of them loved each other and they waited ti ll the last moment possible to tell each other...if the guy had died....would not the girl be eternally heartbroken...and in deep regret for never telling him? That is the price of keeping that secret. You would never be able to reach full potential if u don't admit what you feel...that was what i was trying to show in that story...That is why the story is called a Secret's Price...I hope i cleared things up a little bit. Thanks you again
Ed
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