Hi there.
My name is Marcus and I'm 16 years old.
The last 4 years has been quite a hell for me.
When I started 6th grade my parents desided to split up.
And after that it just kept going downhill.
Someone desided to spread a reputation about me that I were gay, in my school. And after that everyone hated me, or well, almost everyone.
I had 1 friend though, who were named Simon. He were really nice, and I had known him since the 1st grade(when we started 6th grade we had to change class, and classmates).
As the time went by, I started to notice this girl who were one year younger than me. Her name was Julia. And somewhere when I were in the 8th grade I realized that I loved her. I still hadn't spoken to her, as I'm very shy of myself(which will come up later on more..). You see, I fall in love very easially apparently. Anyways, back to Julia. Everytime when we met in the hallways we looked at eachothers. One day I desided to do SOMETHING about it, so I wrote her a poem, my.. first poem actually. And she were pretty much the one who made me start writing poems so I guess I'll have to thank her for that. However, when I gave it to her... she weren't.. really responding in the ways I hoped she would. Anyways, she had a boyfriend apparently, so.. I let her go after a while. After all, I almost didn't know her, I only saw her in the school some days. But damn, she was pretty. Later on it turned up that she didn't have a boyfriend, she just didn't want me. Oh, and by the way, she ended up with one of my best friends, Johan(they're still together today).
Then I started high school, 1st year. It was kinda cool. So, of course I have to fall in love with another girl, that I hadn't met, or haven't spoken to. Only seen her in the hallways(well, what else is new..?).
But this was different. Because everytime we met during a day, she looked me deep in the eyes, with a really.. special look. Lusting look. And not only did we have special looks, we met soooo often. During one day we met at the most 16 times. 16 times is ALOT. If you think about that a school day is like 6 hours about. And I didn't meet her at any lessons, no, only on the breaks. Which is like 1½ - 2 hours. 16 times within 2 hours. I told you, ALOT.
Anyways, I mailed this girl actually, since I'm still very shy.
Her responce were something like:
Quote:
"I'm both unavailable, and not interested!
And stop mailing people you don't know, it's CREEPY!"
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After that I couldn't stand her. Of course, she's very pretty... on the outside. On the inside she's as rotten as a fucking compost.
I actually wrote her a poem when she "ditched" me.
Quote:
Betrayed Love
When I look into her eyes I gasp for air,
And feel so warm inside when I feel her hair.
Cause this girl is the world I know,
And what I feel is this love flow.
Her warmth and her passion sooth me so
Why would I ever think she was my foe?
Cause her love did possess my soul,
It just felt so warm. Like burning coal.
Her love seemed so long and true,
Now I wish that bitch had bird flu.
For all this pain she gave to me,
I just wish this pain will be free.
That girl that seemed so kind,
What the fuck was she playing on my mind?
Cause I seemed a fool to be in love with her,
That evil, foul and wretched cur.
Love is a trick that I fell for,
Cause of that ugly whore.
The time I had seemed great,
But she left me with a broken heart. Was that my fate?
That evil cow left me then,
And went for the other men.
That evil cow got her hair in braids,
Now I just hope she gets aids.
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Yeap. I'm soo mean >.<
Anyways..
After the christmas holiday my ex GF were murdered.
I felt really bad, because I were the one she saw last.
We hanged out in the town I lived in(Stockholm),
and I made sure so she got on the train safe back home to her place(Uppsala).
Then, when she got off the train... she were pushed infront of it as she were leaving the station.
Police, they thought she took suicide, eventhough there were 4 wittnesses.
And the media wouldn't even care to write anything about it, I guess all they care about is famous persons and gossip.
Anyway, her loss took pretty hard on me. I started to skip school, cut myself, didn't eat anything and I didn't sleep either. That went on for about 5 days.
After that I went into the hospital because I had no strength left since I hadn't eaten for over 100 hours, nor slept. Also I tried to kill myself several times, and the last time I succeeded. I mean, I didn't succeed to kill myself(well duh? How would I write if I'm dead?), but I succeeded to finally cut my wrists. Unfortunatly, god seems to enjoy my suffering, so he made mom come home earlier, she saw me, and took me in to the hospital. I were there for about a week, recieving food, water and blood.
I just rested myself that week.
And after that I went back to school.
Oh, and the next thing you won't even belive.
A guy in my class, said that she were so ugly, that when she died, she only made the earth prettier, and that it were a good thing that she died.
Yea, that's how nice classmates I had in my new High School class.
And one person even said he would throw ME infront of the train, for fun.
Also, here's the poem I wrote for her when she passed.
In memory of Emma
Well, anyways, that's about the short version of the last 4 years.
The last month have been pretty nice.
We had the grade thingy on the school, as we finished the 1st year.
Also, I think I'm in love again(as I said, I'm hopeless..).
This time in a girl called Susanna. Lovely girl, I just hope I dare to talk to her.
Which is what my poem "Embrace yourself" is all about. That I should embrace myself, save currage and step up to her and talk.
Anyways, this is my intro.
I'm sure noone else ever wrote an intro such long as this, I just felt like explaining how I get my inspiration to write poems.
Because that's what I get my inspiration from. I get my inspiration from my life, from all the sad moments, and also from when I'm in love.
That's pretty much what poems you will hear from me, love-poems, depressed/sad-poems and general/life-poems.
Cya around!
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