bookthief

I think of you now and then
but don't let myself
for too long.

It hurts to remember
the snippets of
what has come and gone

I felt no loss
'cause you were never
truly here

but our brief encounter
left me a bit empty
now your loving heart has disappeared.

well i haven't forgot
and never will
i s'pose thats my burden to bear

but just because
i try to forget
doesn't mean i don't care.

nomadicrhymer

bookthief...you picked the perfect name for this one. I think all of us can identify with those feelings. It's all at once rebellious (of the love that won't go away) pensive and accepting. It's written simply but has loads of emotion running through it like a current.

Good one!

Nomad

SarahNSH

I gotta agree with nomad that you picked just the perfect name for this poem, and, you convey the feelings and thoughts with this poem that I'm sure many people can relate to.

A little spelling tidbit to point out though:

well i haven't forgot
and never will
i s'pose that's my burden to bear-

And one more thing as well is this right here:
but our brief encounter
left me a bit empty
now your loving heart has disappeared.

The last line reads a bit long and kind of throws off the flow for your poem, but this is just my opinion and completely my thoughts too. I do have a suggestion for you though that you can take or leave if you want:

but our brief encounter
left me a bit empty
now your loving heart
has disappeared.

For me it just reads a lot smoother to me with this line break but, again, these are just my thoughts and I hope you don't mind me making this suggestion but it seems to read better for me when I read through it and tried out this line break with your stanza.

Anywho, altogether I enjoyed reading this poem and especially the fact that I could relate to it so much with the subject matter of it and what you're saying. I especially liked the last stanza where you say that even when you try to forget that person you aren't saying that you don't care about them. This is definitely a read I'm glad I came across and thank you for sharing!

bookthief

thanks for the comments much appreciated!x
lovexxx

JeffMeyer

Thief:

Your poem follows a standard course of pining for lost love, and is predictible in that vein. (Wow! This guy's mean!)

On the contrary, actually. I quite liked the poem for the element that is not standard or stock at all: lines 8 and 9 give the reader pause and make one wonder at the true meaning here. How could the subject have never been TRULY here, implying he/she had been here in some sense. Online relationship gone awry? A crush on which no action was ever taken? Perhaps a child lost in utero?

The possibilities opened by those two lines take a normal language, in a recognizable and identifiable pattern, and make it inot a personally unique emotional statment.

So in the end, it's really a compliment. Good job!

--Jeff Meyer

bookthief

hey jeff you 've picked on the message of the poem that was overlooked by some of the others,
so thanks! its much appreciated.x

Mysty

Hiya Bookworm..... I have a suggestion that may improve the flow of Stanza 4 ... instead of

try

but our brief encounter
left me a bit empty
when your loving heart disappeared.

Just a thought you can use or lose. I enjoyed this poem of yours. I will be watching your work with interest.

Mysty

MsJacquiiC

Despite all the meticulously pointed-out-correction-commentary - I would not change a word. Your poem reads with more than a bit of melancholy heartache and loss. The world could do well to have experienced such an emotion IMO - Everybody just trolloping around in their 3 and a half dollar suits, doing the 9 - 5 dance, smiling and cutting up and such when all they want to do is slam the damn door and sulk, bidding adieu to love lost.... We're an interesting society in that we are the only animal of "superb being" - so jadely super - we tend to believe our own lies. We pay for the popcorn and candies as well.... Hell.... I hear The Black Knight (most recent batman feature film) has surpassed the $400 MILLION dollar mark. Of course if you've seen it - you would certainly understand the concept of suspiciously romantic with a side order of I-Hate-the-world LOL --- Such an audacious respect for the Joker

3 cheers that an incredible percentage of US can actually act as if we "silently care" - 3 additional cheers that we may (in our sparetime act) actually learn to "silently care" - and another 3 cheers for the eventual hope that we will surpass the silence and actually give a damn, trumpeting on to the world an emphatic FREEDOM! call.

Nice poem BOOKTHIEF - I do not know if I'm quite crazy about your nickname though - and I hope that my commentary for this beautiful poem of yours makes some sort of sense.

Thanx for the share.

Jacquii.