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Miscellaneous Have a poetic style of your own? Have poems that defies all conventional categories? Share them here please. (i.e. dark & bitter, political, revolutionary, abstract, etcetera...)

Morning Rituals
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Old 07-13-2006, 05:49 PM
  post #1
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Morning Rituals
Each morning before dawn
my next door neighbor makes
hawking sounds. So loud you
can hear it reverberate through
the building, 5 floor walk up

You hear bathroom creaks
faucet splash, then the coughing
whole globs of guts it seems
outstanding really. One might
wonder if he hacked up
his whole dinner

Our morning rooster. Everyone
calmy wakes, I rush the bathroom
magazine in tow. Morning light
drizzles on the surface of
the linoleum floor

I then realize that
I haven't paid my rent.



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Old 07-13-2006, 07:23 PM
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Wow FaSha! You know, I had to read this a few times. My initial thought was that, the rent wasn't paid, because the people were homeless. I thought the coughing was another homeless person, and was the rooster. I went back and read the first stanza, and there was the confirmation about the building! Then, I imagined a run-down building where these people lived, and the images that played in my mind. What a place? What an existence? The last two lines blew me away! Your work is very profound FaSha. Whew, thanks for the poetically pleasing mental rollercoater! LOVED IT!!!



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Old 07-14-2006, 10:55 AM
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I think what I like best about your piece is the lyrical flow. It's a lot of fun to read aloud, the words are explosive and fit together very well.

"my next door neighbor makes
hawking sounds."

"You hear bathroom creaks
faucet splash, then the coughing
whole globs of guts it seems
outstanding really. One might
wonder if he hacked up
his whole dinner"

The words play off each other perfectly. This would be a great poem to read out loud, especially with the mock-somber note of the ending.



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Old 07-15-2006, 03:38 AM
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Originally Posted by eatmypen
I think what I like best about your piece is the lyrical flow. It's a lot of fun to read aloud, the words are explosive and fit together very well.
AGREED! This piece is AWESOME FASHA! Just the bit of bitterness and utter loathing of the nextdoor neighbor - Perhaps utter loathing, but a bit of loathing LOL.... This piece is hilarious - I loved it the 1st time I read it & I love it now!

You are crazy-awesome with your humor in this piece LOL...
Great share & of course just one of the reasons why I'm glad to know you as a poet and happy to call you a friend!

Thanx for sharing!

Jacquii.



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