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Miscellaneous Have a poetic style of your own? Have poems that defies all conventional categories? Share them here please. (i.e. dark & bitter, political, revolutionary, abstract, etcetera...)

It's name is death
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Old 06-15-2008, 01:48 AM
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It's name is death

Upon this morn does IT come
stealthily…steadily
Creep not insidiously about!
We smell thy breath!
wafting across the dawn of night
lying in wait, just out of sight
a rotting stench seeping through
calling, calling
calling
thy lips promise a sweetened peace
at war with thy foul stature
yawning, bottomless
crater of death
carrying away our precious loves
nevermore to be
amongst the laughter
flights of fancy
lying in meadows of daffodils
upon a calming Sunday morn
so still…still and cold
who has trained you to be so bold?
and unrelenting
capturing your prey
surely, swiftly
with steel tipped fingers
no mercy cried in sleep
an easy toil this silent night.
Away with you!
let the darkness be no more
visited upon these poor souls
tonight.

© nomadicrhymer



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Old 06-16-2008, 05:40 AM
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The whole poem in a way.. gives a life to death itself (ha =]). I love the lines "thy lips promise a sweetened peace" and "with steel tipped fingers" because of the vivid detail they both create, along with the rest of the poem. Sorry if this isn't exactly what you're looking for in a reply, this is my first time really being able to do this =] amazing write nomadicrhymer.



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Old 06-17-2008, 04:23 PM
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Thanks for reading and commenting, Chelsea!

Nomad



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Old 06-18-2008, 12:45 AM
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WOW Nomad..... have you been viewing the monkey on my back?
This is really awesome work hon. I think you can count this as one of your best works. I need to save this to my favorites. I want to reread it over and over.



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Old 06-20-2008, 06:00 PM
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Mysty! Thanks for reading and commenting on this one! I hope that things get easier for you soon, honey...You don't deserve what's happening right now.

Hugs and kisses!

Nomad



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Old 07-05-2008, 03:33 AM
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Hello Nomad!

This is such a unique format for a poem... I really like it. I know this may not be something someone normally comments on but with reading through this the lines, line breaks, and the overall format of it is creative and definitely creative, plus it adds to your poem too and I like how it. I also like the description of death and how you describe it as "a rotting stench seeping through. " Which is what I would imagine death smelling like is this could of rotting, decaying kind of stench to it. I also really like your descriptions throughout this poem and how you state: capturing your prey
surely, swiftly
with steel tipped fingers
no mercy cried in sleep
an easy toil this silent night.
Away with you!
Letting the reader know that the person who was captured by death didn't fight it and I'm guessing that they accepted it. Anywho, I enjoyed reading this poem and thank you for sharing it!



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Old 07-07-2008, 04:39 PM
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Hi Sara!! Thanks for reading...this style is just a random one, my favorite for spoken word poetry. A lot of my poetry is rendered similarly. This poem was written after my cousin died in my arms and I thought it was just SO unfair and undignified the way death just creeps up and snatches away those who are dear to us.

I appreciate the feedback!

Nomad
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Last edited by nomadicrhymer; 07-07-2008 at 04:39 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 07-09-2008, 03:46 PM
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It's name is death...and so much more. This piece villifies death, thus enhancing the meanings of death: death of innocence as sin; death of purity as crime; death of honesty as a lie. Supporting this theory is also the use of "thy," rarely used outside the Bible, intoning a religous layer to the theme. In short, this could be interpretted as a cry against the evil of mankind, begging for deliverence into something pure and divine.

Or maybe I read too much into it. Anyway, I enjoyed the writing, and hope to see mroe from you.

--Jeff Meyer
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