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Miscellaneous Have a poetic style of your own? Have poems that defies all conventional categories? Share them here please. (i.e. dark & bitter, political, revolutionary, abstract, etcetera...)
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Old 04-10-2008, 02:12 PM
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Storm
Outside my window
sound of trees
tapping knarled fingers on the glass
Their shadows
on my wall
like tortured spirits
The wind
begins to moan
and wail
Lightning scratches blue nail's across the sky
the rain
begins as a soft sigh
A
storm
brews
As I listen
watch
and begin to write.
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Old 04-10-2008, 03:01 PM
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I like this poem a lot--my mind's eye and ear can see and hear that storm. What is the rationale for your line breaks? One suggestion: ... brews as I begin to write. The reader is already seeing and hearing with you. As my poetry workshop leader says, "Don't hit us over the head with it!"
(but I have a tendency to do it, and when called on it, I see the value in the advice)
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Old 04-10-2008, 03:14 PM
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thank you for the feedback. I am glad that you liked it
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Old 04-10-2008, 05:21 PM
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Eric, you paint a very vivid picture here...I really like the way the poem meanders through casually to the end, although within it the actions of the elements and trees are very sharp...but I guess writing from a third person perspective will do that...you're inside looking out and therefore removed from it all in a sense. Very nice!

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Old 04-10-2008, 05:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric View Post
Outside my window
sound of trees
tapping gnarled fingers on the glass
Their shadows
on my wall
like tortured spirits
The wind
begins to moan
and wail
Lightning scratches blue nails across the sky
the rain
begins as a soft sigh
A
storm
brews
As I listen
watch
and begin to write.
Vivid imagery! ...Lightning scratches blue nails across the sky... I could see it! I felt the wind, heard the rain. I understand why mslit referred to hitting us over the head with the fact a storm is brewing but I thought it was a great touch.

Nomad's perspective is also very good as is your writing.

hugs,
Gail
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Old 04-12-2008, 08:36 PM
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Dear Eric,

Most has been said so I will say simply again...BRAVO POET!!!!!!!!!! I love it!

Painted



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