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Miscellaneous Have a poetic style of your own? Have poems that defies all conventional categories? Share them here please. (i.e. dark & bitter, political, revolutionary, abstract, etcetera...)

The Succubus Snake
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Old 06-30-2008, 12:54 AM
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Icon2 The Succubus Snake
Venom coursing through your veins
Bleeding the blood of tainted saints
Let the fear overcome your soul
Quicken your death by falling in the hole
Grasp your own fear by the reigns
Your being shall be torn apart with fangs
Your lies will take their toll
When the poison deprives your heart of being whole.


The beating in your chest will feed the fire
Of the succubus's growing desire
Let her fangs take over your being
Only the blind can say seeing is believing.

-cs



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Old 06-30-2008, 02:22 AM
  post #2
JPiC Creator: Poetica Magnifique

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Biography: Jacquii Cooke is a 32 year old Black Poet from Oak Ridge, Tennessee. As Webmistress of Poetry in Color Forum, she is devoted to the more abstract styles, especially those with a strong feminine voice that center around the topic of redemption and righting the wrongs of past transgressions.
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Hey CANNABALISTIC - I like the darkness of this poem - It's like at once a testimony of the darkside and a warning that perhaps your deeds will bring you to the darkside - You don't want that LOL

The last stanza is FIRE!

Quote:
The beating in your chest will feed the fire
Of the succubus's growing desire
Let her fangs take over your being
Only the blind can say seeing is believing.
Love the vampiresque vision here. Almost says "capitulate, for resistance IS futile" The unforced rhyme is so natural too - one could almost miss it. The tempo and structuring and rhythm helps that as well, cause the flow is right on point.

Interesting write.
Thanx for the sharing

Jacquii.

ps - Is this poem about a person?
I've known a few succubus snakes in my lifetime.
They're like irritating flies almost - like leaches even.



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Old 06-30-2008, 12:10 PM
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Haha.. Well the dark side does have cookies so it is very tempting. I love the last stanza as well.
Thank you for reading

At first it started out as the beauty of the venom of a snake, then with the last part it turned more into a succubus poised as a snake.
It was just something different to relieve some stress



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Old 06-30-2008, 01:54 PM
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OMG! I love love love love this! ...and the title is fierce! Going in my favorites, excellent rating, and did I tell you I love this! Off the chain! I love the dark, love the word succubus, the imagery, and the language. The rhyme is brilliant with flawless word selection. You did your thing here! Woohoo! Love it!

Kim



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Old 06-30-2008, 02:43 PM
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haha wow! Thank you very much I believe you did tell me you loved it.. Thank you very much again for the phenomenal feedback



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Old 06-30-2008, 03:08 PM
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LOLOL...forgive me for getting so excited...but I love the language and the dark side. I am a horror writer and hence my love for this by association. You really wrote a brilliant scribe here, and I will be back to read another five times. Awesome!

Kim



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Old 06-30-2008, 04:42 PM
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haha well I love it too as well (as you can see). I have some more somewhere that I haven't posted here yet, I shall go look for them and give you more to read



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Old 07-02-2008, 02:47 AM
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