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Miscellaneous Have a poetic style of your own? Have poems that defies all conventional categories? Share them here please. (i.e. dark & bitter, political, revolutionary, abstract, etcetera...)

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Old 04-11-2008, 09:35 PM
  post #1
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Words
Blessed be
the hand
that speaks
The words that
steal our
breath and give us peace
Make us
aware of the beauty
all around us
Give us
reason and purpose
and change our lives
Herein
between these lines
resides my magic.
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Old 04-12-2008, 12:15 AM
  post #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric View Post
Blessed be
the hand
that speaks
The words that
steal our
breath and give us peace
Make us
aware of the beauty
all around us
Give us
reason and purpose
and change our lives
Herein
between these lines
resides my magic.
Resides my magic....yup.....it is indeed! One minuscule detail for me Eric that may help the reader....is the separation of stanzas. I see the capitals are purposely placed, and having no separation may be a lil' confusing or seem to lead one to believe it is an incomplete thought, and it is not. Hope that may help and make sense. Love the poem!

Kim



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Last edited by PaintedDiary; 04-12-2008 at 05:22 AM.
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Old 04-12-2008, 01:14 AM
  post #3
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I like what you did with that Eric,
if I were to write it it'd be at least a page long,
you said all that was needed though



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Old 04-12-2008, 01:35 AM
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the poem is good but maybe you could try to place the words in a differant form to strengthen the flow.
ex. roses are red
violets are blue

they have the same length and flow easier. i like it though
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Old 04-12-2008, 01:40 AM
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I read this and am amazed at how prolific you are and consistently good at it too, lol. I agree with Kim though, that a separation between thoughts would be a great idea.

I'm impressed, lol.
hugs,
Gail
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Old 04-12-2008, 03:00 AM
  post #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric View Post
Blessed be
the hand
that speaks

The words that
steal our
breath and give us peace

Make us
aware of the beauty
all around us

Give us
reason and purpose
and change our lives

Herein
between these lines
resides my magic
Try it like this Eric ..... I think centering it would help and then separating each sentence. It looks like it could be one long run on sentence otherwise and I don't think you meant it to be like that. Beautiful composition though .. I quite like it.

Mysty



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Old 04-14-2008, 09:11 PM
  post #7
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Great idea MYSTY - I think such succinct and crisp sentences look good when centered on the page... Nice piece ERIC - Interesting flow with a beautiful message:

Quote:
Give us
reason and purpose
and change our lives
Herein
between these lines
resides my magic.
Reason. Purpose. Peace. Yep - nice message indeed. I will make one suggestion. I notice you've used the word "us" four times throughout the piece - you could possibly find a way to restructure the poem so that it doesn't use all of that "us" - would make for a less tedious read...

Example... The section:
Make us
aware of the beauty
all around us
Give us
reason and purpose
and change our lives

would become:
Show the
awakened beauty that
ever abounds
Endow the
reason and purpose
that changes our lives

Ah! Just a suggestion - but yeah - very nice write = Thanx for the sharing.

Jacquii.

btw - that 1st 3 lines:
Quote:
Blessed be
the hand
that speaks
Very nice! How'd you come up with that? ALSO just curious - what was the inspiration for this poem - it is quite nice!



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