Eric

I will write it all away
trap it in a bottle
and give it to the ocean's embrace
Then I will lie here
next to your blue-green tranquility
and hope that someone understands.

erikestabrook

I've noted that when you make a point that verges on being chiche
every word you use can make or break the poem,
in this case the extra wellplaced words you added
gave this poem vibrant new life,

I wil show yu this so you can add this in more of your poems

I will write it all away
trap it in a bottle
and give it to the ocean's embrace

the ocean's embrace is what gives this its own identity as a poem


and


Then I will lie here
next to your blue-green tranquility
and hope that someone understands.

hpoing that someone understands is an affirmation of yourself and your writing also creating the poems identity

hopefully more confidence wil emerge even for now I enjoyed this though

PaintedDiary

Dear Eric,

I love this so much...it is enchanting and alluring. I love the brevity of it as well. Just enough that radiates with beauty. I do not mean to change your poem in any way, however, perhaps centering and separating may add more magic to this canvas. Brilliant! Excellent rating and going into my favorites. Love it! This would be beautiful in Calligraphy and / or as a painting Eric.

Erik's comment was spot on and I will use for my own writing as well.

Kim