mangodroplet

This....was a reply to a friend...when we were fighting about a couple things, some about how we don't talk enough, etc...he said this
" True friends don't need each other. When you need someone, you use them. Do you hate the fact that you can't use me?"

and at this point, I was feeling pretty crappy. so here's my rant.



I'm sorry.
what else can i say?

i can't point it to hormones.
i can't point it to human nature.
i can't point it to stupidity.
i just have to point at myself.

and the fact is, i need someone.
i'm not like you.
i'm not self-sufficient.
you can preach about saying that true friends don't need each other.
you can say it all you want.
and if you believe that's true, then you're going to want to find a true friend somewhere else, because i'm not it.

I'm sorry if i don't fit your visions of a perfect friend.
or a true friend.
or even a good friend.

and you know why i wanted to keep away?
because i've realized that i'm just a poison to those around me.
and you can preach that you have to change yourself.
that you have to be better.
that you can do all things through God.
but chances are, i'm too deep to feel like doing anything.

we can all say that we need to do what's right.
and maybe just being around screws everyone over.
and that's not right.

and if i leave, you won't need me, because you say that's what true friends are.
and then it's ok.
it's ok if i go away.
far away.
and just leave.

it's ok if i stop being around.
stop hurting others, because no one needs me.

it's ok that instead of hating myself, i don't have to hate anything anymore.
it's ok that instead of crying myself to sleep, i don't have to shed anymore tears.
it's ok that instead of trying to block my mind from the thoughts of things, i don't have to think anymore.
it's ok that instead of having to express myself, i don't have to be anyone anymore.

and that's ok. because i'm not giving up.
i'm just letting go.
and doing what's right for everyone else.
and my self doesn't matter.
because i'm not benefiting myself anyway.

nomadicrhymer

we use our friends
as crutches
to hold us up
in times we feel
downtrodden
and sad...

they use us
to feel needed
in times they
feel benevolent...
and vice versa

...your "friend-not"
is just a user of
people and
should be
pitied.



don't sweat da small stuff...knit ur friend-family tightly so that nothing can leak thru.

mangodroplet

thanks nomad...
*huggles*

PaintedDiary

Dear Ms Mango,

I believe you response was appropriate, and soooo true. Actually, it was great! So sad, to think this happened, yet time to move on. My grandmother used to say, you can put a pan of water on the back burner of a stove, and put on slow simmer, when feuding, but eventually, all the water is going to evaporate in the air as memories, or condense in our hearts and continue to hurt. Thank you for sharing. I know you were a great friend.

{{{{~~~***PD***~~~}}}}

mangodroplet

Thanks PD for your kindness...
i guess it did change him, we he apologized afterwards....

but i still don't know what to do.
I want to forgive him, and I have....but I don't want to keep putting myself out there, like nothing happened, because I keep on getting hurt.
so how do i forgive, yet not keep getting hurt?

PaintedDiary

Dear Ms Mango,

I see you are a wonderful friend, and you have forgave him. You always stay true to yourself, and always let him know that you only accept honesty. Sooooo, to keep getting hurt, due to his lack of learning his lesson, may end in you perhaps loosening the tie, or in an extreme case, letting go altogether. You know you have done your part, and regret nothing, and can have a clean conscience. He needs to acknowledge you as a great friend, with love and respect that will not be used or taken advantage of. You are too precious, with a heart of gold. He will miss that one day, if he continues on this path. Much Love and many hugs to you!

{{{{{~~~***PD***~~~}}}}

mangodroplet

thank you PD
*huggles*
I love you :]
thank you for taking your time and helping me, I'll never forget it...
but yeah.
i'm still learning....that's life isn't it?

nomadicrhymer