~Serenity~

A Prayer... Of Sorts
The colors have all faded
My sights become so jaded
My smile is so freaking fake
This pain I just can't take

Yes I bleed to check and see
If there's still a heart in me
Why can't you believe what I've become
After all I've seen and done

I don't want your stupid sympathy
I'll just return it with icy apathy
You don't want to help, you stupid liar
Too bad you can't put out this fire

Too bad for you it's already out
See the faded smile covering my pout
I gave up oh so long ago
How long it's been I just don't know

Now it's all a twisted game
You all act so the-goddamn-same
I twist your little minds around
And my reality is never found

The reality that I live alone
Would curl hair and shatter bone
Darkness, pain, and devastation
No trust, no hope, just molestation

But blindly day by day
You live, you laugh, you play
While inside, alone, I cry
And wish I could just fucking die

I won't let you look inside
To point and laugh or maybe chide
I don't want your f**king 'cure,'
Not from you, so fakely pure

I'd rather die than live your way
In fact, can I die anyway
To leave this amazing unbearable pain
Let loose the lightning with the rain

There's nothing left to hold me here
Why the hell do I still hold tears
When all I want is a slice away
Save the pain for another life, another day

Why the heck can't I get out
Instead I'm left to scream and shout
Kicking and screaming, sanity in danger,
No outlet for pain except my anger.

Do you see it now, the reason for my badness
It's a side-effect of this f**king madness
Swirling around inside my soul
So Lord, if you're reading, just let me go.
~Serenity~

I wrote this a long time ago... Had to edit before I posted it on here... I don't think aunt Tree would like it the way it originally was lol! Just posted because I felt SO much better after getting it out! And feedback is always nice - hard to critique my own emotions afterall.

erikestabrook

twisted a bit well very much, had good rhyme I odn't think this was menat to put the reader at ease but my only complaint is some peopel it might make angry since you don't target a person you target the reader,
mostly great write, disastrous pain, all with good flow and a specific messgae that was pretty not good but added shock value

Altree94

Hey Sweetie!
You didn't have to edit just for me! (I am glad you thought of me though!) If it helps you feel better, you just go ahead and write any damn thing you want!
I was also much relieved that this is an OLD one! That seems to imply that things have gotten better for you since I have found you again, and there is no way I'm ever going to lose you again!
I liked Erik's comments - although I don't agree that it should have a more specific target. He saw it as targeting the reader. I see it as ranting against the world in general and maybe against God as well. This is the Rant Room after all, and a good rant can lose something if you get too explicit with the details.
So write on, Sweetie, and do whatever you gotta do to get rid of the crap and move on!
LYL,
Auntie Tree.

~Serenity~

Hi Erik! You're right, some people might take it a little personally... In which case, they should stay away from a forum full of angry poetry and rantings, hehe. I know it's a bit of a downside, but it works with the poem.

Hey Aunt Tree! Yes, I did have to edit it - alot! Even as it is now, there was a lot MORE hm swearing and such. But yeah - I also wasn't too sure about the rules on cuss words for posting... Don't wanna get in trouble "Rant against God" How perfect - This is written at the time I stopped believing. Not gonna say things got better, but they couldnt get worse from that one night. You "found" me? I wasn't lost... You saw me every year! Except those few years I wouldn't come... But... that's all done. Don't plan on going anywhere either.

Smiles!,
~Serenity~

erikestabrook

yes serenity i'm glad your not upset by my comments some people can be rather defensive about their poetry, my only point is you should make it clearer that God's the target which can easily be done, I took it as a poem not rant as it had qualities of apoem mostly, with rants in between lines,
but this side is usually a hidden side of most people, but if its really how you feel it might be the most constructive and entertaining(for me) way to get it out so in mind mind this poem was top-notch

MsJacquiiC

I know some fucking hypocrits that could well benefit from this, instead they sit on the sidelines fucking over each other ---- never knowing anyone to trust... Their fowl fuckers who really deserve nothing but an unanswered prayer and a swift death in the fire of this anger we seem to share.

SERENITY - powerful piece.

I hate pitful fuckers who laugh when the ache they soothe away with crack rock and cocaine... smiling fakely in your face while hating you with svengali tricks.

To bad their more often than not what I have to call family.

Life sucks - Good poem
Thanx for sharing it!
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feels good to vent girl!
thanx!

Jacquii.

~Serenity~

Erik: If I was going to be defensive about my poetry, I would be better off keeping it to myself Hehe... And you have a good idea there, about specifying that it is towards "God" except that really, it is towards humanity as well. I mean, as Ms J pointed out, we all know people like that! And... guilty secret: When I wrote it, I wanted to offend everyone! ehehe. Nah, really, interpretation is entirely up to the reader. If they want to think I accuse them of offering false sympathies... Well it's a free forum

Ms J: Glad you enjoyed my random outburst of anger And let out a little steam of your own - but that's the point of the rant room isn't it? But I think you're right on! Far too many people out there like that, and somehow we always seem to know these people personally. Yuck.

Smiles!,
~Serenity~

erikestabrook