Love at first sight - need majpr critique - Poetry in Color Forum
 


Poetry in Color Forum




Welcome To The JPiC Community.





All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:12 PM.
Official Forum Language Is English. Translate Below:
Click Here To Join JPiC Forum.

Kewl Stuff JPiC Radio Daily Horoscope JPiC Arcade Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
    JPiC Portal » Main Forum Index » Poetic Colours » The Critique Saloon » Revisions

Revisions All revised works initially posted in the Critique Saloon need to go in this section.

Love at first sight - need majpr critique
this thread has 1 replies and has been viewed 331 times


Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 04-23-2008, 08:30 PM
  post #1
Newbie

shayshay741's Avatar

shayshay741 Is The Original Thread Starter
Real Name: Shayla
Last Online: 08-05-2008 12:11 PM
Location: Sunshine, california
A/S/L: 18
Join Date: Apr 21 2008
Posts: 16 Threads: 9
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Biography: Hellooo there... im Shayla and im really 14.. i havent gotten around to changing my age yet lol.... Send me a pm and get to know me :D
Surfs The Web With:
shayshay741 has not received any JPiC Member Awards.
shayshay741 has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Icon5 Love at first sight - need majpr critique

First draft... also have to submit this as part of a project along with 7 other peoms. Any kind of critique would be wondeful. Thanks, you guys here rock! :]


A single sudden glance was all it took
Just one look and I was instantly hooked
The whole world shifted right beneath me
Everything changed, somehow moved slightly
My life’s priorities rearranged in one moment
My desires, dreams, hopes, became now different
A single face, a single name now fills my head
Past loves and people are simply shed
Out of the blue, things seemed to happen
By chance or destiny is the question.
shayshay741 is offline   Reply With Quote
JPiC Forum Sponsor Links • This Forum is enhanced with content-revelevant advertisings...
JPiC Whole-Post Ad Policy
Whole-Post advertisings are shown only to JPiC Forum For Writers' Guests. Once successfully registered, such ads will not be shown. CLICK HERE to register your 100% FREE JPiC account today and become an active Member of our Community for Poets & Writers!

Your Ad Here

Old 04-23-2008, 11:33 PM
  post #2
Newbie

rosesanddeath's Avatar

My Mood:
Real Name: Megan Stanley
Last Online: 11-16-2008 12:38 AM
Location: Pennsylvania
A/S/L: 15
Join Date: Apr 19 2008
Posts: 29 Threads: 12
Thanks: 1
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Biography: Hey, so I'm 15, have been writing poetry since I was about in 7th grade, and am just looking for some positive critique. Thanks :)
Surfs The Web With:
rosesanddeath has not received any JPiC Member Awards.
rosesanddeath has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
nice poem, i like it. its easy to relate to too, i kinda know how you feel. but yeah, its a little short, so maybe just add a few lines in there to help rap it up nicely. otherwise its really good though.
rosesanddeath is offline   Reply With Quote
 
Post New Thread  Reply

  JPiC Portal » Main Forum Index » Poetic Colours » The Critique Saloon » Revisions



Additional Options
Bookmarks

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
A Love So Beautiful ronbliss Spiritual Poems 6 06-03-2007 05:53 PM
OUR LOVE AS THE DREAMS OF ANCIENT STARS TrueBlue Emotional Romantic 3 05-27-2007 03:41 PM
Which One Got You? nomadicrhymer Spoken Word & Freestyle 6 04-23-2007 04:09 PM
Have you really found love? drofdar Essays 3 12-09-2006 09:28 PM
My Storm, My Sun, And My Rainbow (Thread 4) Holly Inspiring Novelists 0 08-01-2006 12:01 AM

Page generated in 9.86097 seconds with 21 queries

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53