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    JPiC Portal » Main Forum Index » Poetic Colours » The Critique Saloon » Revisions

Revisions All revised works initially posted in the Critique Saloon need to go in this section.
my senryu series I'm preparing them for June for a try at Frogpond

Senryu series
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Old 02-29-2008, 10:08 AM
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Senryu series

Senryu #1

quiet morning in
my window peering for the
sites and sounds of life

Senryu #2

spiritual calling
whether Zen, karma, Jesus,
it is known as God

Senryu #3

many accolades
have been said about the man
who gives but has none

Senryu #4

wave goodbye to me
you will be in my heart for
years that pass by me

Senryu #5

bright sun beams hit house
a new beginning for the
Katrina victim

Senryu #6

apple trees like a
rosy button nose grows for
the ones who have taste

Senryu #7

steamy forest pines
cut from the healthy ground
a life extinguises

Senryu #8

generic houses
packed with general names
this is where I live

Senryu #9

by the river bed
was a house with furnishings
empty house instead

Senryu #10

alive with a rattle
I fell out of the upstairs,
bunk bed, hit my head.



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Old 03-01-2008, 02:40 AM
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Hiya Erik... excellent start... only thing is I think #7 ...... which is my favorite btw..... I think that one might qualify as a Haiku. Anyways hon I truly enjoyed

Mysty



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Old 03-01-2008, 03:10 PM
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these are a pleasure to read as i said....i see how you use this format very well...



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