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    JPiC Portal » Main Forum Index » Poetic Colours » The Critique Saloon » Revisions

Revisions All revised works initially posted in the Critique Saloon need to go in this section.
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That Will Be Me
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Old 02-17-2007, 02:36 AM
  post #1
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Icon7 That Will Be Me
That Will Be Me

In the dead of Winter
in the freshly driven snow
there will be
a rose in full bloom
(that will be me)

Out of the thunder
dark clouds omnipotent
lightning will strike
a Golden Sun
(that will be me)

When your world
will be in turmoil
look toward the horizon
a double rainbow uncoils
(that will be me)

Though I have passed on
I will always love you.



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Old 02-17-2007, 09:32 PM
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this is really pretty. where you put omnipotent, you should put ominous,

zaac



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Old 02-17-2007, 10:52 PM
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Your words made me smile...I believe those we have loved and known never really leave us...we just don't have eyes to see them with as clearly...nor ears to listen very well...but, they are all around us, pushing us onward...calling to us. In death, life is understood clearer...and seen for what it is...a doorway. This is a very deep work, Kim and touches deeply within my heart...yeah, this is but an ode to truth.
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Old 02-17-2007, 10:57 PM
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Kim....

This is great..
it serves to
show that we
all are....

Hand and hand
with all of the
energys of this
planet....

Especially nature.

And each unique
and wonderous.

'm always lookn
for those 've
cared about....

In everything '
do.

Thanks for the
read.
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Old 02-18-2007, 10:20 AM
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That Will Be Me

In the dead of Winter
in the freshly driven snow
there will be
a rose in full bloom
(that will be me)

Out of the thunder
dark clouds ominous
lightning will strike
a Golden Sun
(that will be me)

When your world
will be in turmoil
look toward the horizon
a double rainbow uncoils
(that will be me)

Though I have passed on
I will always love you.



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Old 02-18-2007, 10:27 AM
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Dear Isaac...thank you for taking time to read and thank you for the word "ominous", as I included it in my revision. Love Ya'.

Dear Benny...Thank you sooo much Benny for always being there and being so supportive....You made some tears fall this morning with you comment. I am honed that you stopped by to visit and comment. Love Ya'.

Dear Jeez.....Thank you also for taking time to read, comment, being there always, and being supportive, you also contributed to the tears this mornin. You said...'m always lookn
for those 've
cared about....

In everything '
do.

That is what I tried to capture, and when you said this.....I know that I had done just that. I am ready to submit to Hallmark now. Love Ya'.



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