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Revisions All revised works initially posted in the Critique Saloon need to go in this section.

You've Got Mail {Flash Fiction}
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Old 10-02-2006, 10:27 AM
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You've Got Mail {Flash Fiction}

A special thanks to Amzy for helping me perfect this piece. I could not have done it without him!!!! Thanks Amzy. Yes, he was hard on me, and oh so well worth it! LOL!!! AMZY is phenomenal!!!!




You've Got Mail {Flash Fiction}


It's late, about 2:30 am. She jumps on the PC. No mood for television. Lightning flashes. Raindrops sound mysterious against her windowpane. She checks e-mail first.

"Wanna play hide and seek?". Sender unknown.
I w-i-l-l p-l-a-y, she typed. A half hour passed, still no response. Although, she felt like someone was x-raying her. Checked e-mail again. "I was gonna play!", she laughed out loud. Then----her windows frost and a deep voice whispers, "GO SEEK". Erotic shadows dance on her screen.

Frozen with fear, she cannot move or speak. Her ribcage pulsates. Hands from behind, massages her neck and explores her anatomy. Her exhale, now irregular, seems to approve the invasion. She echoes somberly, wondering who could this be. She turns around and screams. Screams are silenced. Hellish maggots laugh at her, while dissolving her soul into damnation. Devil types back, Y-o-u F-o-o-l!



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Last edited by PaintedDiary; 06-25-2007 at 10:18 AM. Reason: made AMZY's name bigger
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Old 10-02-2006, 12:32 PM
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Now you worked the kinks right outta this, it reads allot better now,
chilling
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Old 10-07-2006, 11:38 PM
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Thank you Erik for taking time to read again. Yes, the kinks are gone!!! I could not have done this without the help and guidence of AMZY!!!!! I thank AMZY very graciously!!!! Take Care.

Kimberly aka Painted



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Old 04-05-2007, 08:19 PM
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AAHH! I love it!! So succinct in it's "excitement and thriller voracity" for want of a better description!! Yeah for PD the Horror Queen!

Nomad



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Old 04-05-2007, 11:13 PM
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This is awesome. It makes me uber jealous because it takes me forever to write up small pieces with this much energy.

And boy does this have a lot of energy.



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Old 04-06-2007, 01:40 AM
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Damn... you got my
knees knock...en here.

Oh... scarry.

Quote:
"Wanna play hide and seek?". Sender unknown.
I w-i-l-l p-l-a-y, she typed. A half hour passed, still no response. Although, she felt like somebody was x-raying her. Checked e-mail again. "I was gonna play!", she laughed out loud.
've thought of doing
that, guess 'm gona
have to rethink this.

Thanks for your
great read.
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Old 04-06-2007, 11:44 PM
  post #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Closet_Writer View Post
This is awesome. It makes me uber jealous because it takes me forever to write up small pieces with this much energy.

And boy does this have a lot of energy.
Dear CW,

Thank you for taking precious time to read and comment. I am thrilled you enjoyed this flash. Sometimes it takes me forever to paint on such a small canvas as well. I loved to hear this piece had energy, wow, that is great!!!! Thank you so much CW!!!

{{{~~**KIM**~~}}}
--------------------------
--------------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeez View Post
Damn... you got my
knees knock...en here.

Oh... scarry.



've thought of doing
that, guess 'm gona
have to rethink this.

Thanks for your
great read.
Dear Jeez,

Thank you so much for taking time to read and comment. Ya better think again bout' doin' that! LOLOL Thank you so much, as I always love to read your comments!!!

{{{~~KIM**~~}}}



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Last edited by PaintedDiary; 04-06-2007 at 11:45 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 04-12-2007, 12:03 AM
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O.o

this is scccaaary.

thanks for it....
Hmm. never read something like this before, but it's coool...and it made me read it more than i usually read long stuff....pondered long about it.



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