ts735b

Both parents (but especially my father – the renown Chemist B.B. Harris and to a slightly lesser extent the late culinary cuisine queen Harmit Harms Kuritsky - the gal whose troth he pledged while holding some bubbling sinister looking flask in hand) encouraged my curiosity even at a very young age to experiment with all sorts of combustible and dangerous materials!
No matter a bit tentative to experiment willy-nilly with rather explosive materiel, I received truckloads of ammunition (in tandem with benevolent benediction) to foster dare devil and derelict pyromaniac precocity!
Those formative forays per assaying, assessing and carefully calibrating this, that or the other liquid or powdery substance found me meticulously measuring and weighing the substances using kid gloves!
Frequent disappointment arose from yours truly as well as momma and papa when the net result (of these early attempts to blend powders and/or liquids) merely fizzled and self extinguished into a near inaudible poof!
Continual practice (at first blush insistent discipline fraught with quiet protestations) eventually bore successful fruit in the form of near perfect results!
I do sheepishly admit to (ahem) you that on occasion the outcome went awry! Nonetheless, they prided their potential wizard in the making with kudos!
In addition, they proudly pointed (upward) to the kitchen ceiling. There such handiworks practically covered the entire ceiling with variegated splotches!
Quite accurate to assume that father and mother coached, goaded, and nurtured exploratory ambitions and tried not to stifle (at least consciously or deliberately) my early stage ambition toward a scientific artiste bent!
As a home schooled and (to some extent self taught muralist), I grew up (not surprisingly) in a Unitarian household that paid close attention also adhered to the pioneer spirit!
The near limitless boundaries of life, liberty and the pursuit of understanding an underlying credo, which allowed, enabled and provided one opportunity after another (mainly thru the milieu of mixing some mishmash laboratory concoction) practically eliminated any pained regret now in later life!
Despite this favorable and lovable upbringing, my mother (ever the protector of our family and an excellent cook to boot) still managed to insinuate (as gently as possible) the necessity to be careful when igniting flammable materials lest some uncontrollable conflagration ensue.
She (mom) did frequently confess to feeling moderately jittery and uneasy with such slapdash amateurish homebrewed pyrotechnics and much preferred to steer my attention toward a safer hobby such as the edible objet’d arts.
Fondness to prepare food and pretend to be a renowned cook (this confession admitted rather baldly) also competed for most favorite avocation activity and spare leisure time!
Without question, the passion plus less riskier factor to combine and potchka dry and wet ingredients together did rank as a considerably safer medium that still allowed, enabled and provided me an equal opportunity to test reactions, than those earlier iterated potentially explosive hazards.
Nonetheless, my cavalier crusading overactive appetite, hunger and thirst to discover causative outcomes (even with supposedly innocuous food stuffs) nearly set the house on fire, yet for the grace of some divine force only damaged the kitchen area.
Best for me to sprinkle this expose with the essential highlights and let the reader be amused (and chuckle to her/himself at carrying out a similar antic during their age of innocence) with miraculous intervention from the pranks of yet another precocious child.
Although decades now removed from the mini inferno in question, I can still vividly recall the horrific shell shocked sensation that nearly paralyzed my being and kept me stock still for what seemed like eons.
Mere fractal like fragments just barely recollected upon that indelible frightful charred brush with death!
Unsure even to this day, what exactly sparked the fiery maelstrom. Only vague hypothesis can be formulated quite some decades post that near cataclysmic event!
Perhaps the dial to bake or broil got set overly high. Maybe while the need to use the bathroom could not be deferred one more second, the rising contents inside a pan splattered over the side? This possibly set an eruption in motion?
Anyway after the flames got extinguished even the most hardened and skilled sleuth found great difficulty to pinpoint the source even after spending countless hours sifting thru the scorched rubble. As a result, all fingers immediately pointed at yours truly!
I can still recall with clarity that loud and near deafening boom, which blasted off the oven door. Angry, forked flames shot and spiked out in all directions. Hot embers of fire burst forth with scintillating fascination (including accompanying pops) like some July forth celebration. In addition, an intense heat nearly melted the paint off the walls, but mercifully managed to stay clear of those frescoes ala king!
Fire engines raced, broke windows to rescue those trapped inside. Thank God I survived!

MsJacquiiC

Um - exercising my right to read the 1st and last sentence and nothing else - I say welcome to JPiC Forum....

2nd - I say wow - it's interesting to see the 1st sentence become an entire paragraph...

Lastly - It's not really nice seeing the "....and I woke up" scenario as the last sentence of the work... And I hate to be cliche - but now I shall read the middle part of the "This Accidental Arsonist" to see if there's any substance...

JAcquii.

MsJacquiiC

Is this a joke? Nope - I didn't find this remotely laughable... Just entirely laughable and a bit ridiculous. I would say thanx for sharing - but then I'd suppose to have proved some insane point that you find sane. It's interesting to me that I'd find this "piece" as fake without even have tried to do an expose type BULLSHIT!

Mostly I'd say get a life or some other type assholish statement. I'd certainly point you in the way of the Member Introductions section and perhaps even to the JPiC Posting Policy - but I don't think you'd find any robust dicks to suck over there.

Jacquii.

butchiesmom

I didn't find this laughable at all! In fact, it scared me! This is one of the few times I wished the posting policy here wasn't so liberal!

Like Jacquii, I'm not sure if this is a joke or if you are just stretching newly found writing skills. I can say though, most people wouldn't get past the first paragraph. The words you use are too complex for the average reader.

Gail

MsJacquiiC

It's a write composed by some type of computer program GAIL - that's why I was a bit harsh in my reaction...

Jacquii.