Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
Surfs The Web With:
PaintedDiary has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
HELP...Going to send this for a submission and checking to see if polished enough.
This was posted here before, and I would love feedback if polished enough to send for a submission.
Secrets
Tactile echoes ripple secrets of an abominable past. Bloodstained whispers suffocate beyond hideous black breath. Muffled screams drip down walls of her cadaverous boudoir. The sound is deafening even to frolicsome beasts of the macabre. One hand extends to help you climb through mangled secrets marinated in blood. The other clenches a dripping hippocampus of an axed cranium, now only but a silent carcass.
She has been waiting in a brand new dress, of the prettiest light blue. A crimson enigma waits beyond the grisly door if you dare to open it. Reality will be hazed and will no longer exist. The sense known as the sixth awakens hallows of unfinished death. Only those born with a veil can see the hatched silhouettes in the silver moonlight, can hear the crackling of skull cavity split to precision, can see mouthful-sized pieces of brains splattered adding relief to the walls like a Van Gogh, can feel the viscous texture of a blackened atmosphere, can smell the noxious stench of fresh-baked decay, and can taste the vibrations of butchered screams bathed in bloody innocence. The children can still be seen playing jump rope as they sing:
They say Lizbeth took an axe
and gave her mother nineteen whacks
and when she saw what she had done,
she gave her father twelve minus one
Stepmother hated her new blue dress
She loved her father so he got less
Beware of 92 Second Street
She will chop you up when you sleep
Dr. Rob
JPiC Forum Sponsor Links • This Forum is enhanced with content-revelevant advertisings...
JPiC Whole-Post Ad Policy
Whole-Post advertisings are shown only to JPiC Forum For Writers' Guests. Once successfully registered, such ads will not be shown. CLICK HERE to register your 100% FREE JPiC account today and become an active Member of our Community for Poets & Writers!
Biography: Love to read, write poetry, watch movies, & a gamer.
Surfs The Web With:
Eric has not received any JPiC Member Awards.
Eric has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Kim,
This is awesome mangled secrets marinated in blood, I am a horror fan and this rocks. Give me more. I only wish I had the discipline to write a horror story or novel. Instead I settle for a quick spooky poem. Check my new post Haunted, you might like it. Beautiful images and words.
Eric
Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
Surfs The Web With:
PaintedDiary has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric
Kim,
This is awesome mangled secrets marinated in blood, I am a horror fan and this rocks. Give me more. I only wish I had the discipline to write a horror story or novel. Instead I settle for a quick spooky poem. Check my new post Haunted, you might like it. Beautiful images and words.
Eric
Hey Eric ,
You are too kind. Thank you for your support and for taking time to read and to comment Eric! A quick spooky poem is just fine for me too! I will be happy to read "Haunted"...sounds delicious! lolol
Love it! I'm not much for guts or gore after having watched the original Chainsaw Massacre in a drive-in, lol but thought it was quite descriptive, lol.
The one thing which gave me pause was ...mouthful-sized pieces... had to think on that one a while but then decided it was probably ok. Since you're the teacher I'm assuming you would know that or not, lol.
Anyway, having said the above, gotta say this is very good and nearer to publishing than anything I have, lol.
Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
Surfs The Web With:
PaintedDiary has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Thanks for taking time to read and comment Gail! That's what is sooooo awesome about writing is that everyone has a preferred genre. What is interesting about myself is that, my poems can be any topic, however my stories are of the dark variety.
I wrote "mouthful-sized" to add effect...do you think I should rework those words or use different words altogether?