TheBlackPoet

Women cheat more, because men influence them to cheat. Our society is overrun with male dominated ideologies from God being masculine to who is the head of the household to who leads the country.

Male domination ideologies lead to the underlying reason why women cheat and why they cheat more. Per populous there are more women willing to have a sexual encounter with a man as well as another woman vs. a man who is less likely to cheat with another man (thus giving the the woman a greater propensity to cheat more than a man).
Ask a woman the definition of cheating and the response will widely vary along socio economic backgrounds.

Poorer class women view cheating mostly in the physical, while middle and upper-class women, view cheating not only in the physical, but the psycho-emotional (flirting) as well.
If this is true, then there is no argument that a woman (living in a male-dominated society) would cheat more often then men; in the name of claiming her stake of independence.

For men, cheating is the means to an end, ex “the need to release sexual tension, frustration” While for women, cheating is an end that justifies a mean ex. “not being made to feel special”

Women use to influence what they ultimately feel they need in a male dominated society. What women want is an equal playing field of control. The control of their own destiny to not be considered a minority, but a part of the larger body of social influence.
Okay, enough of the pseudo-psycho babble…

When a woman cheats, she often will never “show it” in her demeanor. Her spouse hardly notices the behavior that accompanies when women cheat. Most men believe most women cheat, and most men are correct. Cheating is the INTIMATE behavior spouse engage in that they will not engage in while in the presence of their respective partner.
If your spouse likes to hang out with a peer (or peers) of the opposite sex at work (especially after work) and hides this fact, this is considered cheating. (especially if the spouse lies about it.)

There are three substantial stages to cheating:

1st Stage - Intimate- Non-Physical
2nd Stage - Intimate-Physical
3rd Stage - Intimate-Sexual

All three stages are considered intimate because this a behavior that is intended to remain a private act, usually with the least amount of people knowing what is going on.

To better understand cheating, a storyline of how cheating evolves from 1st Stage to 3rd Stage has been written:

Carol is a young, Black, Entry-Level manager for a leading Black company. She recently received her MBA in finance and is married to a man who did not graduate college, but has been the sole supporter of the family while Carol worked on her degree program.
Wayne, Carol’s husband, is blue collar worker at the city’s utility company. He never wanted to go to college, but has managed to be a good provider for his family.

John, a Mid-Level Manager who works in the same office as Carol is a young, single Black man who is known around the office as a “up-and-coming”. His rate of success gives him the confidence to move around the office and flirt with the women as he pleases.

When Carol started with the company, John watched her habits closely before initiating direct contact. Contact started at the coffee house around the corner from the company they worked for.

“Hey, Carol?” John asked, tapping Carol on the shoulder.
Carol turned to see who had tapped her shoulder in the crowded coffeehouse. instinctively, she held her purse close under her arm, but when she saw it was a fellow co-worker who she recognized, but never actually spoke to, she relaxed and turned around in line to speak.
“Hello, John?” Carol asked.
“Yes, John Cadogan; how are you?”
“I’m good, John, just trying to get my morning jumpstart.”
“I hear ya., I don’t know where I would be without coffee, I am not a morning person.”
The conversation continued on through the line and while they sat down together at the window table, facing the street.
At this point, this is a innocent exchange of communication between co-workers. But the point quickly changes…

Stage One
While Carol was talking, he notices she hardly looks at him, but looks out the window at the people walking by. This behavior says a lot about her thought-process (she is conscious of her surroundings and apprehensive about being alone with him).
“Are you married, Carol?”
The question shakes Carol who turns her stare to John. Carol looks into his dark brown eyes and without giving herself away, she checks out the fullness of his handsome face, and the air of confidence that surrounds him. While at that moment, she wishes she was not married, she dryly answers the question.
“yes.”
John reads more into the way Carol answers the question.
“You don’t sound happy to say yes, am I being to nosey?”
“Oh, no, John, its not that, its that, I wish my husband would decide to go to school and at least get his BA or BS. As it stands, we are on two different levels.
This is what John was hoping for! This was his toe-hold to dig into Carol’s life and claim his prize.
As the weeks passed by, John and Carol become inseparable at the coffeehouse.. if he is running late, she waits for him, and even calls his cell to see how long he will be. John’s number is embedded in her phone under a false-female friend’s name in case Wayne, decides to go snooping around.
Carol is doing a good job at the company. Her presentations and her suggestions have earned her, her own office within months. An office is a lot better than a cubicle. The added privacy allows for her to see more of John without her nosey female co-workers looking.
One day, Wayne was in the area and decided to surprise Carol. When she saw him get off the elevator, she was surprised to say the least, fortunately, John had just left, so she was alone in her office.
Carol’s hear was racing! She hoped her eyes wouldn’t give away the fact that she was hiding something.
“Hey baby! What are you doing here?”
“I was on this side of town, and thought I would come to see my beautiful Executive wife.”
“I’m not an Executive, but lord, knows, I wish I was. We would be a lot better off.”
Wayne hated talking about money and what material things they didn’t have.
“So, this is your office, huh?” its big! Wayne says looking around.
Carol casually walks around to her computer screen and shuts her email down, in case John decides to send her one of those cute emails he always sends her. He hadn’t done it today, but while Wayne was in the office, it wouldn’t be good to get it for him to see.
Wayne was too busy taking in the scenery of the outside to notice what his wife was doing.
While they were talking,, someone knocked on the door. Carol stood to get the door, but Wayne was closer, so he stood up and opened it for her.
It was John.
“Mrs, Blount, I’m sorry, I just wanted to show these reports, I will come back later.”
“That’s fine, John, I will see them later; but I want you to meet my husband, Wayne Blount.”
Wayne and John shook hands and cordial smiles, before John made his humble exit.

Stage Two
Weeks had passed since Wayne’s surprise at the office. Carol’s behavior in the bedroom had become elusive. She had taken less interest in sex and discussion about it. And when Wayne would initiate it, Carol would become agitated before giving in.
In a matter of weeks, Wayne and Carol’s sex had become a matter of every other day routine.
Sometimes, Wayne would wake up in the morning and Carol was already up and nearly ready to go out the door. She used to be the one who always wanted to sleep in or hit the snooze.
Her clothes seemed newer, more complex rather than the usual simple skirt and shirt she used to wear. She was also, wearing more make-up and perfume.
Wayne thought these activities were strange, but he had not suspected his wife before, and felt no legitimate reason to suspect her now. Her job was probably stressful he thought, and for a brief moment, he felt sorry for his wife, who wanted more than anything, to have a fulfilling job.

At the coffeehouse, John was waiting for Carol. When she pulled into the parking space next to his, his face broaden as the underlying smile broke. He was genuinely happy to see her, and when she stepped from the car this morning, he was more than excited, he was gawking.

“Damn, what brought on this sexy look?”
“Oh, you think I look sexy this morning? Don’t I always look sexy? Carol asked striking a pose.
“yes, you always look sexy with that nice tight da-donk-a-donk, but today, you look especially good.”
Why couldn’t Wayne say these things to her? Carol thought to herself.
“Thank you for noticing.” She said, cupping his chin and pretend-kissing his lip.
John wanted a real kiss, but he knew it was too soon, but in time, he would get more than a kiss.
At the office, throughout the day, John would make remarks from the hallway about how good Carol looked. Sending her emails, and calling her line with flirting messages.
Carol was only too happy to get this attention. And for the first time that she would admit to, she begin to take notice to John’s crotch. With his stature, he must be really “packing”
“Could I see myself having sex with a man like that?” heard herself ask in a whisper.
“I’ll bet he’d rip me apart. She thought.
The phone rang, breaking her from the lusty thoughts. It was Wayne.
“I wanted to tell you, you looked really nice this morning.”
“thank you Wayne, I didn’t think you noticed.”
“I always notice beautiful women, I just happen to be married to one, so, I’m fortunate like that, don’t you agree?”
Carol smiled, and wanted to talk, but John was coming down the hall, and she knew he would stop by.
“Of course, I agree, but I need to go baby, can I call you back?”
“Sure, I love you.” John said, before hanging up.
Carol hung up the phone, right as John passed her door. He didn’t stop. He didn’t wave, he didn’t look.
Something was wrong. Carol had gotten used to John’s visits, and it wasn’t like him not to visit at least three times each hour.
At lunch, John wasn’t his usual self. He talked, but it was more distant, and less complimentary.

Stage Three
Was he losing interest in her? Carol was frantic! She didn’t want to lose this man’s interest, they had grown close over the months. And she looked forward to their time together.
“John, is something wrong?”
“No, why would you ask?” John asked
“I don’t know, you seem, distant.”
“no, I was just thinking.”
“well, talk about it.”
John took a deep breath. Carol was chomping down on her grilled chicken salad, trying to make eye contact with him. John wouldn’t make eye contact.
“look Carol, I like you… You’re married, and I like you.”
Carol was quiet, as she ate, hoping at some point he would make the eye contact that she so badly needed.
“I spent the night with a friend of mine, and you want to know something crazy?”
“What?” Carol asked, as she tensed herself for the letdown.
“I thought about you the whole time. I was making love to another woman, and thinking about you the whole time! No woman that I know, makes me feel the way you do. And I realized that while you are married, I cannot have you, but I still… want you…”
“I want you…” played in Carol’s head for nearly a minute, before she regained her focus and began hearing what John was saying. Which after that last comment, nothing else mattered anyway.

“I’m sorry if I offended you, but I have never been able to hide feelings well. I want you, Carol, and I don’t care how it looks, you’re beautiful, talented, intelligent, and we click too damn well!”
Carol put down her fork, and reached out to hold John’s hands. He extended his hands and she held them firmly in her own.
“Let’s take an extended lunch, and go back to your place.”…

…back at the office, Carol sat at her desk thinking about what she had just done. She had just had sex with a co-worker who she happened to have feelings for. She was a married woman to a loving man and Mother to two children.
She had done things with John that Wayne hadn’t experienced from her mouth in months. She had given herself to another man! And she couldn’t take that back.

Weeks later…

John had slowly stopped meeting Carol at the coffeehouse. His emails had slowed to a trickle and he was seen smooching with another female employee. Carol was not naïve, she knew men played this trick on women, but she had no idea that this could happen to her.
Wayne had sent the children away. He needed to talk to his wife. It was decision time.
Carol sat in the garage for a few minutes. Regretting what she had done to herself, to her husband, and to her family, she wanted to cry. A cry would’ve helped absolve her deed, but the tears wouldn’t come. So she went into the house.

“Hey baby, where are the kids?”
“At your mother’s house; we need to talk.”
“Sure baby, what’s up?”
“where have you been these last few months? Before you got this job, you used to be with us, but now, you’re a stranger. Have I done something to you?”
Carol sat down next to her husband. She looked him in the eyes and saw for the first time since they were married, the man she loved. Although he was not the smartest man in the world, he was a good man; and he loved her very much. When there was no way for her to pay for her education, it was him who worked overtime to help pay for her tuitions and books, when she felt like giving up, it was him who supported her and kept her going.
“Baby, I love you, I love this family, and whatever has kept me from doing that, I will do whatever I need to do to regain your trust.”
“you’d do that?” Wayne asked, surprised
Carol moved closer to her husband and kissed him passionately on the lips.
“I love you Wayne, and I will go in tomorrow and tender my resignation.”
Carol did just what she promised. Ironically, that same day, John was fired for sexual harassment.

The End.

nomadicrhymer

Hi Frederick...that was a very well-written story, and very entertaining as well...even though Carol appears as a vapid, self-involved individual, and for having attended college, very stupid.

Growing up in a third world country, where EVERYTHING is up close and personal (everybody knows everybody else's business and I can't compare it to what you've experienced...but there it was clear to me that men cheated more...and out in the open...unrepentant...having two or three women, besides their wife at home. They talk about it in the open, and admired for it by other men, and if the wife doesn't like it, tough...she can leave...some women are stupid enough that they feel that married life is the end-all, and that they will be looked down on if they aren't married...and basically would be considered a failure. I agree that women "cheat" (if we can go to the extent to call it that) in many ways (flirting, etc.) but lack of follow-through must count for something. Being a woman myself, and having had many, many discussions with other women, it's been my experience that we may look and admire, and even flirt, but nine times out of ten, that's all that happens.

Anyway, even among my American women friends, I don't know of a single one that has the TIME to cheat. LOL! I myself do not even have time to date, raising 4 kids and a different activity every evening... it's all a matter of choice...I could choose to run home, ignore my kids' dinner, homework, chatting, etc. and go "pretty up" for a date and spend hours with someone else rather than being in my home with the people who really matter to me.

I feel that more women make that choice as well, as bad as things may be at times in their marriage, especially when there are children involved, because in the end, our nature is still to nurture first...self last. Are women like the ones I know going out of style?

Nomad

(as idealistic and naive as this may all sound...LOL! it's my reality that I presently live in!)

TheBlackPoet

the fact that you actually read it in its entireity... is amazing.. and i am very happy you did... i contest that the opinion i put forth in this fictional story is my own bias thoughts based on the world i live in.... and my fear of being cheated on...

your reply was both well thought out and intelligent.... thank you for it... it has made me a little more aware.