Index420

I close my eyes
And I see your face
Let me be blind
I stand perfectly still
And I can still feel your touch
Let me be paralyzed
I sit in complete silence
And I hear your voice
Let me be deaf
I dream of places unseen
Yet you are always there with me
So just
Let me sleep forever

Mysty

ooh a new face and I am sure you will find I quite liked your poem .... too many ands though. .... This is an interesting introduction to your work.. Thank You for sharing

Mysty

Index420

Hmmm...yea now that you mention it... there are too many "ands" but I dont like to go in and change it since when i wrote it as it was, on the fly to a certain someone thats how it came out..imperfect and all
Thanks for noticing though

butchiesmom

This is the third time I've read this poem and still get something out of it. After reading your intro, I think I have the background for this heartbreaker. The pure emotion, the anguish over losing your heart over someone and having to go on alone reaches out and slaps the reader in the face.

What I liked about this poem the most was your imagery. It didn't come across as much the first time I read it but the second and third time really hit me.

I close my eyes yet I still see your face, please let me be blind.
I stand still yet can still feel your touch, let me be paralyzed.
I sit in silence yet still hear your voice, let me be deaf.
I dream of unseen places, yet there you are with me, please let me sleep forever.

The more you read it the more you realize, I think, the pain it took to write those words.

Great job, Jon!

PS. Please be sure to spread the wealth and comment on other people's works as well.
I'm sure any heartfelt comment would be appreciated.

hugs,
Gail

Mysty

nope Butchie ..... that would be too many yets.... try though, yet, but , etc. ..mix em up lol.

butchiesmom

I wasn't trying to edit his work, I was just throwing back what I got out of it, lol. It would be cool, though, to write something like it.

Mysty

I Know hon .... you are an awesome writer in your own right.

butchiesmom

Ah, now you're making me blush!

Index420

I actually found the original of this from my txt backup....its a bit different...here it is:

I close my eyes and there you are
Let me be blind
I stand pefectly still and I can feel your touch
Let me be paralyzed
I sit in silence and hear your voice
Let me be deaf
I let my mind wander to places unknown
There is always you there
Let me lose my mind
Paradise is real
Ive seen you
Ive felt you
Ive heard you
Ive been there with you
Thank you

thats how i originally wrote it in a drunken and most probably drugged state rough I know..