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Spoken Word & Freestyle Poems meant for poetry slams and other spoken word venues, as well as freestyle & experimental forms of poetry should be placed here.

Brain Doodles~
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Old 03-02-2008, 08:12 AM
  post #1
Moon Goddess of Whispers

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Brain Doodles~

~BRAIN DOODLES~

Sittin' in the bubble blue
aquarium like a toasted
fish, I was thinkin' up
things like why the ugly
one, the mutt in red, the
quacker of all quackers,
the pink poodle in heat
drooling like a grizzly bear.

Oh how my skeleton needs to
vomit little pieces of your lies!

I remember your bug like,
sea colored eyes bulging out
of your head as you scanned
her black holes fantasizing
about her red lips pulsating
around your one inch log.

I saw a bug that looked like
a jet scoping me sizing me
up as a lamb chop on a fire
curving his wings side to side
in an intimidating vogue like
I don't know it has a brain.

So what came first, the
helicopter or the dragonfly,
the mobile home or the shark?

The wind tears through the
trees like a swarm of killer
bees and they're crucifying a
demon in the echo of the
heat two houses over in a
game of nut and drive insane
and I wonder what you're
thinking as you read this as
I'm writing and all you
shiny, happy losers playing
God what do you think?

I said, what if a spider
crawls out of that hole and
sure enough the little crab
bolt the day and again I was
the freak of ironies ridicule.

© Karen Davies



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Last edited by Moonchild; 04-23-2008 at 11:23 AM.
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Old 03-02-2008, 09:51 AM
  post #2
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WOW Karen.......

This part.......
Quote:
Sittin' in the bubble blue
aquarium like a toasted
fish, I was thinkin' up
things like why the ugly
one, the mutt in red, the
quacker of all quackers,
the pink poodle in heat
drooling like a grizzly bear.

Oh how my skeleton needs to
vomit little pieces of your lies!

I remember your bug like,
sea colored eyes bulging out
of your head as you scanned
her black holes fantasizing
about her red lips pulsating
around your one inch log.

I saw a bug that looked like
a jet scoping me sizing me
up as a lamb chop on a fire
curving his wings side to side
in an intimidating vogue like
I don't know it has a brain.
I understand all to well... and my favorite line is the 1in log lol. But after that .... it loses me.... I will have to come back when my brain is rested and reread this.

Mysty



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Old 03-02-2008, 12:03 PM
  post #3
Moon Goddess of Whispers

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Thank you Mysty.
The part about nut n drive insane is
something personal I went through
awhile back that I don't wish to get into
and the part about the spider is just what it says,
my husband and I were laying on the bed
and there was a little hole in the wall and I said,
maybe a little spider will crawl out of there
and as soon as I said that, one did crawl out...lol



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Old 04-23-2008, 05:01 AM
  post #4
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Lovely
I enjoyed this a lot. I feel like you cut yourself open and bled a menagerie. I agree that as soon as the dragonflies & killer bees arrive, I am lost, but the last stanza is such a pure moment. I love it.
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Old 04-23-2008, 09:24 AM
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Moon Goddess of Whispers

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Thanks so much Brian.
It's just a personal thing that I went through
with my chemical imbalance, something I did to myself
when I was off my medicine that I'm not proud to talk about
that's why it doesn't make sense to you prolly.
But I'm so glad you enjoyed the first part at least.
Thanks so very much for reading me and liking*hugs*



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Old 04-23-2008, 10:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonchild View Post
Oh how my skeleton needs to
vomit little pieces of your lies!
I love the imagery in this poem, it's so vivid! I found the above stanza so graphic! I could see it and could feel the pain of that person's lies.

[quote=Moonchild;32065]The wind tears through the...bees and they're crucifying a...[quote]

I found a couple of nits, I hope you don't mind. I've bolded them because the corrections clarify the meaning of the lines they are in. One was a typo, I'm sure and the other a common mistake.

Your imagery is vivid, the emotions radiate from the screen.
great job,
Gail
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Old 04-23-2008, 11:24 AM
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Moon Goddess of Whispers

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Thank you Gail.
I fixed the typos and am glad you liked
my poem. I appreciate your kind words*hugs*



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Old 04-25-2008, 07:49 PM
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I loved it
I had a hard day today and some of the comparisons and imagery made me smile.
Thank you



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Old 04-25-2008, 10:27 PM
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