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Spoken Word & Freestyle Poems meant for poetry slams and other spoken word venues, as well as freestyle & experimental forms of poetry should be placed here.

Bus Stop
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Old 04-11-2008, 11:52 AM
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Bus Stop
Bus Stop

Fog drowns the morning
Delays the day
Muffles the early voices
Of children waiting
for the giant hulking bee
To roll out of the
Opaque gray
Even the fog cannot
Muzzle the bumbling motor
Stifle the squeal
Of wheels
The clank
Of the crank
That spreads the guard
And coughs open the door
To enhive those
Waiting for the day
Now drowning in fog
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Old 04-11-2008, 08:40 PM
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Dear Jo,

I love this as I am a teacher and see this daily...lol....I love when artists take ordinary, overlooked, mundane...etc....images and create beautiful poetry. The visual is so spot on and one can see it very clear. Thank you for posting.

Kim



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Old 04-12-2008, 09:42 AM
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The bee is a great metaphor for the bus.
This is great, very creative.
I love it!



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Old 04-12-2008, 04:09 PM
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i really like this. it turns a mundane, unimportant and unexciting moment in the day into art.



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Old 04-14-2008, 10:35 AM
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Kim, Karen, Thea,

Thanks so much!

Jo
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:12 AM
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I like this....it does capture the mood of waiting for the bus in the mist....something I have done many times...as a poem it works for me



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Old 04-16-2008, 07:22 AM
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I don't like it! I hate waiting for the bus................ ---- Just TEASING!!!!!!!!!

I do like it actually.... the poem - the metaphor is actually greater than "the bus" IMO - To me it seems like "the giant hulking bee" has taken on the presense of humanity in an abstract sort of way. Kinda like the mundane things we do..... Awake. Coffee and/or Tea. Tie shoes. Gather bookbag, vitae, metaphysical prowess. Cab fee. Bus TICKET..... Only to:

Quote:
Waiting for the day
Now drowning in fog
Yep - your poem is a testimony of sorts MSLIT - and something I surely can relate to - the only thing is - I want to gather the morning newspaper and swat the "bee" with it LOL - Somehow I think this is the gist of your poem! Testimony to the tedium and swatting the bee with it.

Thanx for the share

Jacquii.



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Old 04-16-2008, 07:30 AM
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