Spoken Word & FreestylePoems meant for poetry slams and other spoken word venues, as well as freestyle & experimental forms of poetry should be placed here.
dark, tipsy, tease
this thread has 2 replies and has been viewed 274 times
Biography: used to love my pen and note book, still do...nothing beats a poem written by hand ...on paper!
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dark, tipsy, tease
venue; My fave club
time: midnight
it may have been dark
i may have been a little tipsy
it may have been hot
i may have been wanting
it may have been tempting
i may have been a little tease
But it was not right
that ring on your finger
even when removed
in the dark, glistened, into your pocket
still, my want, it rises
dark, tipsy, hot, wanting, tempting, tease....
but, not you, not right
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First, the fact you turned down a married man has earned my respect since I'm a married woman, lol. I read this poem, read it was midnight at your favorite club, usually a time for deciding who you will take home (a really great help by the way) and read on.
I like the way you set up the scene and how you were feeling in the lines which started with "it" and "i". You said it was dark, hot and a bit tempting, you were tipsy and looking for love. You saw the indentation or something which let you know he'd just taken the ring off his finger and decided no matter how much you wanted him, a married man was not what you wanted.
You painted vivid images with real emotions for us to feel. Very good! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
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