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Spoken Word & Freestyle Poems meant for poetry slams and other spoken word venues, as well as freestyle & experimental forms of poetry should be placed here.

Deserted
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Old 08-25-2007, 01:17 AM
  post #1
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Deserted

A ray of sunshine
sprinkled, dancing
free and easy
cavorting around
a cloudless sky
sneaking slowly
its freedom rays
seeking a welcome
from blackened brick
and broken glass.

It cast an eye upon the house
standing tall and tilted vast
glanced upon an empty window
snuck inside...its rays acast
black smoke lingered
in corners still
a babe still squalled
so near a hill
of dirt.

Debris rained down
littering the still hot ground
it only took
one misguided bomb
no father came
no mother sang
no more but cries of hunger rang
upon the sunlit, mournful morn.

A child crept in
too quietly
large eyes straining
full lips trembling
he ran to grab the wee sibling
through smoke
and new grown agony
nowhere to shelter
no one to look to
to nourish... love
none to hug the trembling bodies
to say “it’s ok my sweet darling"
no one, no one
no one.

He slowly turned
unbelieving and horror-struck
under the vast blue sky
new world
ahead
occupied by
him
the new adult.

© nomadicrhymer



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Old 09-03-2007, 04:05 AM
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This tears at my heart of the tragedy of war. And it does happen just as you've written it. IN past wars we rebuilt the countries that we conquered and tried to restore the people who were not the problem of the leadership. War it is a terrible thing.

Jerry



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Old 09-03-2007, 05:50 AM
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Jer, thanks for reading and commenting...I appreciate your first hand, experienced opinion! Thanks again!!

Nomad



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Old 09-03-2007, 06:05 AM
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Written in a smooth way, the poem is heart-wrenching...the insidious ray of light tricks into thinking that maybe there's still hope but the outcome is far from it...as it always is when it comes down to wars and unneeded bloodshed.
Very good.



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Old 09-05-2007, 03:51 AM
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Thanks for reading Yuuko....I appreciate your input and the comments you left!!

Nomad



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Old 09-09-2007, 11:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nomadicrhymer View Post


no father came
no mother sang
no more but cries of hunger rang
upon the sunlit, mournful morn.

A child crept in
too quietly
large eyes straining
full lips trembling
he ran to grab the wee sibling
through smoke
and new grown agony
nowhere to shelter
no one to look to
to nourish... love
none to hug the trembling bodies
to say “it’s ok my sweet darling"
no one, no one
no one.

© nomadicrhymer
Dear Ms Nomad.....

This is indeed heart-wrenching and gut-wrenching. This is so sad and so realistic. It rains like blood splatter down a blank canvas. First I want to say that your "War Series" is phenomenal. Such mastery and words carefully chosen and intricately placed. You put thought into it and have the expertise to allow your audience to see farther, beyond, and be a part of. It is felt on many levels. This war, past wars and such are so painful, and often times governed by a false leader, with false hope, and a stay too long in office. One of my co-workers just lost a younger brother a week or so ago in Iraq, and my heart goes out to all. I think this series is educational, memorable, and perhaps some will find comfort in your words of hope. Forgive me for calling the poems your "War Series", and I say that for lack of better words, as you may have a name for the series. Nonetheless, I am honored to read them, and it is honorable for you to scribe them. Excellent work Therese, excellent work, and an excellent rating in my opinion. I see a whole new level of exceptional writing evolve from these poems. Thank you for writing and posting them.

PD



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Old 09-10-2007, 02:06 AM
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wow...this is well written but freaked me out a bit. started out with an awesome persona of a sunbeam and turned into world war three...kinda like a roller coaster in the dark...wild.

zaac



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Old 09-12-2007, 01:15 AM
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You freak out that easy nowadays, zaac? lol! Thanks for reading, tho...appreciate it!

Nomad