Spoken Word & FreestylePoems meant for poetry slams and other spoken word venues, as well as freestyle & experimental forms of poetry should be placed here. I saw my first fallen star and it was gone within a blink of an eye.
First Fallen Star
this thread has 6 replies and has been viewed 116 times
Biography: I am a poetry, short story, and Novel writer.
Surfs The Web With:
Instant Message Info Is Private.
First Fallen Star
I saw it on a cool
July night, the sky
was brilliantly lit
with so many stars
I lost count. A streak of
light shot across
black veil of night.
My first fallen star,
disappearing with blink
of eyes. It's a magical
moment in the urban city.
Eyes scan,
seeing if others
will follow their
fallen brethren.
Thoughts become muddled,
trying to decide what
I desire most.
I am hit by pieces
of the meteor,
realizing what I
want and pushing all
other murmuring wishes
into back of my mind.
Lips sealed with
wish found, placing
it upon the tail of
my fallen star.
JPiC Forum Sponsor Links • This Forum is enhanced with content-revelevant advertisings...
JPiC Whole-Post Ad Policy
Whole-Post advertisings are shown only to JPiC Forum For Writers' Guests. Once successfully registered, such ads will not be shown. CLICK HERE to register your 100% FREE JPiC account today and become an active Member of our Community for Poets & Writers!
Biography: married for 41 years, a teacher for 35 years and a Baha'i for 49
Surfs The Web With:
RonPrice has not received any JPiC Member Awards.
RonPrice has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Emerson once wrote that poetry is "the perpetual effort to express the spirit of a thing." I sense this is especially true in the following stanza:
I am hit by pieces
of the meteor,
realizing what I
want and pushing all
other murmuring wishes
into back of my mind.
You play with words very well here. I'd give this poem at least an A-(75-79%) if I was still teaching English and I had to give the poem a mark.-Ron Price, Australia
I agree with Ron.
This is a wonderful play with words.
I enjoyed the whole poem but my fav was the ending.
A beautiful write Sarah and very well thought out.
Excellente!
Biography: divorced, 4 children, 2 still at home...planning to retire in Belize soon!
Surfs The Web With:
nomadicrhymer has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Lips sealed with
wish found, placing
it upon the tail of
my fallen star.
I really do love this poem, especially the last two stanzas. The last one speaks of hope placed upon the fragile tail of a "fallen star". If that's not hope against all hope, I don't know what it.
Beautiful image of a falling star and the cool july night that is a amazing sight isnt it sara and to make a wish is great I love this poem
hugs kisses
bear
Biography: I am a poetry, short story, and Novel writer.
Surfs The Web With:
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Thank you all for the reviews on my poem! RonPrice- Well, I gotta say that I am always trying to bring life to a thing and find great enjoyment in breathing life to something that may be dead or inanimate, which can not be the easiest thing to do but I definitely enjoy doing it. Well, A- from what I know is good so thank you! From the grading scale I was last in an A- would be like a 92% or something like that, I'd believe. So, thank you for the compliments and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Moonchild- I'm very glad that you enjoyed this poem as well and thank you for reading and reviewing it! I actually wrote it because I really did see my first fallen star the night before and it was just one of those kind of "wow" moments that I couldn't believe... My rational brain says that it was just a meteor falling down into the earth's atmosphere to get burnt up but it was just beautiful and I immediately just thought of a wish to make as soon as I could. I just had to write about so this poem slowly but surely came to me. Anywho, I'm glad you enjoyed the last stanza the most too, I had to really think that one out with what I wanted to say and thanks for telling me what was your favorite one. And, thank you again for reviewing it too!
Nomad- Thank you for reading, reviewing, and giving me feedback on this poem of mine! I'm glad that you enjoyed the last two stanzas the most because those last two were definitely the ones where I was thinking hard of how I wanted to word things and spent more time on it. The first few stanzas just came to me easily, but the last part was where I had to think more of how I wanted to end my poem. Very true with what you said, if that isn't hope against hope then I don't know quite what is either. Thanks again!
Bear- Thank you for your review on my poem too, and for reading through it. It definitely was an amazing image, just the most perfect night. I gotta tell you I've never seen the stars so beautiful, so bright, right outside my door! The big dipper was literally right outside my door possibly the brightest I've ever seen it. I wanted to just lie on my back and stare up at the stars all night but no one would watch the stars with me so I just stared at them for as long as I could and went inside. It was definitely very inspiring to say the least, I keep on hoping for another night like that one.
you'll get another chance to view another shooting star and a beautiful night . with all the bright stars in the star you are the brightest of them all
hugs kisses
bear
Help us get better hosting = make your donation today!
