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Spoken Word & Freestyle Poems meant for poetry slams and other spoken word venues, as well as freestyle & experimental forms of poetry should be placed here.
is it weakness or strength to give up?

Giving Up
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Old 09-13-2007, 02:32 AM
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Icon9 Giving Up
I lay this day beyond the wave
That curls so softly round my feet
I sought diligently for my grave
For just a moment I felt replete
I wade out far ‘neath watery death
Eyes closed denying my known fate
Childish laughter intrudes … I hold my breath
Again, again, I’ll have to wait!
I cannot die with innocent audience
Green to dark knowledge of worldly pain
Compassion still I had…”come hence!”
“Let’s play sweet things, before it rains.”
Take Mommy’s hand, I’ll make you brunch.
We’ll wait for daddy to bring you sweets
His malignant mood I fear I’ll launch
Systematic beating has always been MY treat.
I bow my head and enter my prison
Wallowing in my defeat.

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Old 09-13-2007, 11:46 PM
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OMG .....NOoooo Nomad .... I pray this is fiction..... not fact .... because hon..noone especially not you should have to face that kind of life. Caged..... God hon .... I hope it is fiction because you are too sweet, kind and wonderful to have to live such a sentence. Most of the women who live this are. This poem breaks my heart.


Tender

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Old 09-14-2007, 02:31 AM
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Mysty, thanks for reading...SORRY it made you sad...I'm definitely not one in that position...but sometimes feel like writing about different emotional states...so definitely fiction! I did a little editing as well, before you read it I think, because the last two lines were not gellin'!!

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Old 09-14-2007, 02:38 AM
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this has a lot of depth and is a pause that i've taken many times in the last few years. its really nice and reflected strength and character.

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Old 09-14-2007, 03:05 AM
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Oh Wow - What a lovely sonnet - The content is kinda depressing (hence the title "Giving Up") But at the same time the content is handled smoothly and with applomb - A Very nice write:

Quote:
Systematic beating has always been MY treat.
I bow my head and enter my prison
Wallowing in my defeat.
I almost want to cry reading those words, as I've been in defeat's barrel and in the prison of defeat's lackluster hands... His soul is a bitter one and his grasp, ugly to the core. Sometimes I wonder if I can kill the defeat like a flyswatter upon unlucky fly LOL

At anyrate - very eloquently stated sonnet MS NOMAD - even though the subject matter is a little bleak.

Thanx for the sharing

Jacquii.



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Old 09-16-2007, 11:10 PM
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Wonderful I love the depth of despair
that your pen paints so well
very touching EncoreRoses to you
Click To Enlarge or View Image In Its Original Size.
Click Image To Enlarge

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Old 09-17-2007, 03:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zaac View Post
this has a lot of depth and is a pause that i've taken many times in the last few years. its really nice and reflected strength and character.

zaac
Thanks zaac...high praise indeed.

Nomad



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Old 09-17-2007, 03:33 AM
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