MDMH89

It's getting difficult.

I'm finding water that was once knee deep
is now reaching my shoulders
without showing any sign of hope.

The sun forgets how to fall
like it used to
behind the horizon
and sun sets aren't so beautiful
any more.

I find everything fading to that
darker sort of gray
and the silence in film
is coming back with
a vengeance.

Tell me,
I'm just going crazy,
some one tell me
the welcome mat to my sanity
is tripping me up at the door,
because at least then
something can make sense.

But no,
I don't deserve such grace.

Tell me this feeling
that I need to ram my finger nails
into my eyes
is natural.
Because I've been biting
my nails for years.
It just doesn't seem tangible.

This isn't being lost at sea doll,
nope,
this is some of that
lost in me kinda action.

Out here,
all the pretty girls
seem to have boyfriends,
lost in a love,
I've just decided to strip myself
of.

Out here,
the only thing I've been able to wed
is that bottle of pills
that makes me numb, soul less, and bare
just dumb, callous, and
dare I say that I need a different
sorta lovin.
or is that just asking a bit too much.

This padded room
fills with boiling water
to the top.
and I'm just too weak
to grab that life preserver
boat.
just let me float,
and float,
off to some place,
possibly better.

A place that brings
back the sunset,
back the color,
back the sounds.

Because out here,
the sunrise tends only
to be a reminder,
of everything
I've lost at sea.

Or even,
lost in me.