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Spoken Word & Freestyle Poems meant for poetry slams and other spoken word venues, as well as freestyle & experimental forms of poetry should be placed here.

A Soldier Leaves
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Old 09-10-2006, 09:23 PM
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A Soldier Leaves
I watched you leave Today.
You walked across the pavement
Climbed aboard the bus.
I heard a little voice that
cried for you to stay...
And felt my heart collapse.

I held her close while she cried
And screamed for her dad.
I watched you leave through
Crystal tears that poured
Down my cheeks and burned.
I felt my heart collapse.

Such dreams that haunt my sleep
Of two suits at the door.
A letter handed out that reads
Of a loss I can't restore.
I think of your smile, of the way you laugh
Please come back to me my love

Please oh please come back.



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Old 09-11-2006, 12:26 PM
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What I liked was because I could relate to it, putting my mom in place of your husband, and some verses were very good, you added your own styleon top of a theme and I don't doubt the sincerity in this one, were alll better when we write what we care about
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Old 10-02-2006, 09:33 PM
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utterly heartwrenching tail you've weaved SEALIAH - such emotion has evidently went into making this piece - and it really doesn't seem good emotion... Bitterness is what this piece speaks of... Bitterness and loneliness of missing that part which really makes you You...

Interested in knowing your motivation/inspiration for writing this one!
At anyrate - thank you for sharing it with us

Jacquii.



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Old 10-02-2006, 10:08 PM
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*cough* Oh... umm... my husband deployed that day. So yeah... looking back on it, I guess that I was rather bitter. He won't be back for another 3 months.



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Old 10-03-2006, 10:17 PM
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I think you caught this moment quite well, I really feel for anyone who has a loved one or a friend caught up in this dreadful mess, hope your husband is back soon... Sax.
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