Spoken Word & FreestylePoems meant for poetry slams and other spoken word venues, as well as freestyle & experimental forms of poetry should be placed here. this is my first attempt at free style, so its not good..
The Solitairy Road
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Biography: I want to improve my skills as an author to slowly launch myself into the publishing world.
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The Solitairy Road
The delicate porcelain girl lost-had ripped from her-
Home,
Life,
Past
In one night. She closed her big blue eyes,
Darkness overshadowing light
Loss festering into despair until she…
Gave up the fight.
Her skin pale as death her lungs barely breathing
Off of her gut wrenching; tear overflowing agony she continues
Feeding.
Memories arise circling, taunting; anger erupts her scream spewing
From her mouth; loathing ensuing.
Wrists bleeding
Darkness deceiving
Pain pulsing, throbbing, gyrating
A silent,
Secret,
Miniscule,
Voice begins advising.
Eyelid’s slit; teeth grit; wounds partially stitched
Enveloped in anguish.
Lying dormant; now rising
Courage,
Strength,
Destiny.
A pinprick of light; distant but within reach
Through her wall of suffering it had breeched
She only had to
Stand,
Breathe,
Survive.
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Biography: Am a Mom extraordinaire.... my kids just don't want to leave home.
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Oooooh this is an AWESOME first freestyle Poem. A few tweaks and you have yourself an OUTSTANDING Poem!!! My god this is really fantastic. This was me when I was younger and stupid enough to think death would erase my pain. Thank God I survived. You want some help with the tweaks then please post in the Critique zone. I would be ever so happy to help you make this Outstanding!!
Biography: I am a poetry, short story, and Novel writer.
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Hello Thea!
I see that you're stepping into the unknown with trying out free-style poems with this first free-style poem of yours. I have to admit that when I began writing poetry I only did rhyming poetry and that was the only form I knew with writing out my poetry. To tell you the truth I thought that a poem meant that it had to rhyme! I actually have found that the free-style form is actually quite freeing and I really enjoy doing whatever I want and not being restricted with rhyming. You may find that you grow to love the free-style form or you may just like keeping to rhyming poems. Either way I think that you did a fantastic job for your first free-style poem!
I do think this poem may need a bit of tweaking here and there, just in my opinion, and if you want such constructive feedback you can put it over in the Critique Saloon like Mysty suggested. But, I really do think that this is a very intriguing and interesting write that you have here. I also like how you started the poem with her darkness and finished with her seeing that pinprick of light, and showing the transition between the two.
Anywho, I'm glad that you shared this poem with us! And, it was very interesting to see you dabble in the free-style form when I know that you have a certain rhyming style with your poems that you like to strick to so it was fun seeing you try something new. Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem and keep on writing away!
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Very wrenching, but at the same time there's a sense of power a mist. I think the ending is the depiction of a great last stance. I just saw I am Legend so I'm thinking about Will Smith about to pull the grenade as his foes sweep in. In a sense his defiance to submit is his means of survival eventhough he will ultimately die. I sense a similar end to your character but she to survives through defiance of the odds against her. This is purely powerful as poetry gets! (Applause) I'm clapping & dropped my buttered popcorn!
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thank you guys so much! i had no idea anyone had even replied to me i appreciate it i'm not sure if i'll put it in the critique saloon but i really had no idea you guys would think that much of it. i'm a more old fashioned girl myself so idk if i'll try this again but thank you so much for the encouragment, all of you
Biography: I'm just a guy, HAPPILY married ten years (thank you--throw money, not flowers) with three kids tryin' to get by on a wage that stays the same in a world where prices simply don't. (You know the story). I love the out-of-doors, and in-of-books. I am a wordsnob and a vocabulary geek; I have a very off-kilter sense of humor based mostly in liguistics and the appreciation of the non-sequiter.
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AE:
Needs work? Sure. Honest? Painfully so. This is so true to the story of a woman I know, it is spooky. Keep writing freestyle; it will grow on you and you into it. You have a lot to say--one can see that from just this post--and we will all enjoy watching your growth as a poet as well as sharing you as a kindred spirit in the spirit of the freestyle spoken word. Good work!
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i appreciate the honesty, i really do, but i have to say free style really isn't my nitch. i attempted it to grow as a poet but i have learned i love my old school style's much better i believe i was and eighteenth century poet in a past life
Biography: I'm just a guy, HAPPILY married ten years (thank you--throw money, not flowers) with three kids tryin' to get by on a wage that stays the same in a world where prices simply don't. (You know the story). I love the out-of-doors, and in-of-books. I am a wordsnob and a vocabulary geek; I have a very off-kilter sense of humor based mostly in liguistics and the appreciation of the non-sequiter.
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And there is not a THING wrong with that. Your voice is your voice, and how you choose to shout with it is up to you. However it turns out, we hope you choose to let us listen to what you have to say in whichever voice you wish to say it. Write on, Thea!
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i'm not sure if i'll put it in the critique saloon but i really had no idea you guys would think that much of it. i'm a more old fashioned girl myself so idk if i'll try this again but thank you so much for the encouragment, all of you 