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Spoken Word & Freestyle Poems meant for poetry slams and other spoken word venues, as well as freestyle & experimental forms of poetry should be placed here.

Wistfully
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Old 07-17-2008, 01:09 PM
  post #1
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Wistfully

She sat
dangling her feet
off the edge
of the pier
backdropped by
the thatch-roofed bar
overlooking
emerald green seas.
She sat
looking
longingly, wistfully
at her boat
anchored and lonely
fifty feet away
white, it used to be
with wide blue stripes
rusting in many places now
from the salty sea
its name still visible
barely
that name
still evoked
a milieu of memories
bursting through
the many cracks
of her heart
placed there
by time
would it ever be whole again?
Antigua
it read
through the worn letters
blurring
her mind wandered
to twenty years ago
picturing its young captain
that 30-foot haven of love
it used to be.
His quicksilver grin
energized the thousands
of fireflies circling her heart
lifting it up and up and up
above life
mere everyday life
forgotten
Heaven is where
she found herself
for just those few
sizzling summer months
that flew by
on wings of love
the kisses
caresses
tingling every pore
startling and shocking her
at its very existence
this hard fast love.
He left then
on that tiny Cessna
one steamy, humid afternoon
she saw his smile flash
through the murky window
of the small plane…promising
his return
swearing undying love
forever
he said
forever
nothing would keep him away
except
he didn’t foresee
the hand of God
swooping down
like catching a hummingbird
stopped midflight
the plane was lost
never seen again
pilot nor passenger
was it still in
The Bermuda Triangle
she wondered
was it time to let go
paint anew her heart
and boat?
Was it time
to live again
to stop
sitting there
dangling her feet
off the edge
of the pier,
wistfully.

© nomadicrhymer



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Old 07-17-2008, 02:18 PM
  post #2
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Hello nomad!

Wow, this is just a beautiful story that you have interwoven with the strong imagery in your poem. I love the story that you're telling and I just wanted to read more to understand more of what happened and I was drawn into reading more if your poem right from the start. When I got to the part of him promising to return I thought that he may have left her and didn't return... but, then I was surprised that this wasn't what happened.

I think that the ending is great too:

Was it time
to live again
to stop
sitting there
dangling her feet
off the edge
of the pier,
wistfully.


I think that it ends the poem nicely and I like how she seems to ask herself that question of whether she should finally start living her life again rather than dangling her legs off the pier. So, overall I enjoyed reading this poem of yours! Thank you for sharing and keep on writing away!



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Old 07-17-2008, 02:32 PM
  post #3
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Sarah! Hi...thanks for your great comments. I stopped myself...it's one of those poems that would go on for pages if you let it! lol! I didn't want anyone to become cross-eyed. If you like longer ones in this style you might like my Second Hand Thrift Shop series.

The Second Hand Thrift Shop Part 1

Nomad



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Old 07-17-2008, 04:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nomadicrhymer View Post


picturing its young captain
that 30-foot haven of love
it used to be.
His quicksilver grin
energized the thousands
of fireflies circling her heart
lifting it up and up and up
above life
mere everyday life
forgotten
Heaven is where
she found herself
for just those few
sizzling summer months
that flew by
on wings of love

she saw his smile flash
through the murky window
of the small plane…promising
his return
swearing undying love
forever
he said
forever
nothing would keep him away
except
he didn’t foresee
the hand of God
swooping down
like catching a hummingbird
stopped midflight
the plane was lost
never seen again
pilot nor passenger
was it still in
The Bermuda Triangle
she wondered
was it time to let go
paint anew her heart
and boat?
Was it time
to live again
to stop
sitting there
dangling her feet
off the edge
of the pier,
wistfully.

© nomadicrhymer
Therese...girl...this is amazing! First I love the title...as I was filled already with wanting to know what or who was longing, what for, or for who? So you had me from the beginning! I must have read this five times..not because it was difficult, but because this is such a beautifully woven piece...I want more!

The language is just stunning...painting a tale of lore, magic, mysticism, at sea love, etc. I could almost see and taste the sea salts airbrushing the wind and rocks. The melancholy mood and pinkish grey clouds, her hair blowing in the wind, and her mind still blown from the memory. Well....that's the painting I have in my head. The unfolding of this storem (story + poem) is just flawless and beautiful. You do have a way with telling a story and structuring the words just (write)..lol...for maximum impact!

I could feel her longing, her dilemma, her memories, her pain, her wanting to come back to face a destiny uncontrolled , yet she has immediate control to move on...but will she? We don't know yet...as we come to the end that is just masterful, to match the beginning...after all, that is how she started out...

sitting there
dangling her feet
off the edge
of the pier,
wistfully.


Just I love love love sea poems, sea mysteries, and lost loves at sea...like Titanic...one of my favorites! This is definitely going into my favorites Therese and thank you thank you thank you for letting me know of your new piece here!

Love this dahling! Kim...



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Old 07-17-2008, 05:32 PM
  post #5
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Kim, you are so lavish in your praise and appreciation that it makes those of us on the receiving end want to wiggle around at your feet like excited little puppies!!! lol!

Ha! I may, just may...continue with this if I figure out how to continue the story and what direction I want it to take...thanks!!!

Nomad



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Old 07-18-2008, 03:16 PM
  post #6
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wistfull

Nomad this is a magnificent poem love the image of her sitting on the dock with her feet in the water, think back to her lover and how the boat was still expressing her love for her lost loverand still with hope that he'll come back. I love it such a magical penning
hugs kisses
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Old 07-18-2008, 06:48 PM
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Thanks so much Bear!!

Nomad



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