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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by mangodroplet, Jun 5, 2007.



    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    A child plays with his toy
    as men fight in the streets,
    Together they destroy
    the men they feel deceit.

    As men fight in the streets
    they do not see the harm,
    The men, they feel deceit
    from others of alarm.

    They do not see the harm
    of children fighting there,
    From others of alarm
    they beat out all the fear.

    Of children fighting there,
    they all have guns as cars,
    They beat out all the fear,
    for they won't see the scar.

    They all have guns as cars-
    the men feel no such shame,
    For they won't see the scar,
    as they think it's a game.

    The men feel no such shame,
    together they destroy,
    as they think it's a game-
    A child plays with his toy.



    I've been thinking about genocide and the fighting in the middle east lately.
    And kids over there have to fight for their lives; guns are their toys.
    It is sad, and troublesome.

    Well, i love the pantoum form, so...i decided to write something about what i've been thinking about.
    this one didn't come to me so easily, and it might not be as good as my other pantoum....but it does ring true to me.

    hope you enjoy!

  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Mango this is an excellent pantoum! :curtsey:and the content is impeccably appropriate to the times, indeed. I really like this form as w ell...it's as if the repetition resonates in our brain...and somehow makes it more welcoming the second and third time we hear the line...escalating it to the warmly familiar trusted friend...if that makes sense.

    Very well done! Good work! :yes4:

    Nomad :give_heart2:

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks Nomad!

    I love the repetition...
    this is the one form where i LIKE the repetition.
    :]

    anyway, btw--> LOVE the picture :D

    Sally Roberts Forestdawn

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    Mango :)
    Perfect structure!
    Surreal message!
    Superb poem!

    I think this poem hits home for many people. I really liked it very much.

    Thanks for sharing
    Blessings

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks Sally
    :]
    I really appreciate you reading it, it means a lot to me.
    but yeah....
    so sad, all the fighting, all the wars....

    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    Mango this is an magnificent pantoum. and the topic is spot on excellent
    hugs kisses
    tom


    Posted By Bear | Jun 7, 2007
    #6

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks Bear :]
    *huggles*

    Have a nice day!

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