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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    Åströmmer New Member

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    A Madly Happy Day

    6:30 alarm goes off and I drag my feet
    A short march to the shower to wash away tiredness
    Front of a mirror, yet another wrinkle and gray increasing
    A Whizzzz and a splash-splash and I smell good
    Chew fast snack, tread in a puddle and hop on a bus

    Office lights are on, an unfinished job on my desk. I Gasp and try to calm
    Yes, yes … Sorry … Yes … I will … Of Course Yes … Yes right away ... By Two o’clock, yes!
    Ahem … Cough! Cough! … by the way … by any chance, have you seen self-respect?
    No? ... No you haven’t? … So that is a definitely a NO? ... Okay, okay! … Sorry!

    Office lights go off and I run to a near by shop for food.
    ME! ... Survivor ... NO! But conqueror Of Kafkaesque clerky life, that’s ME!
    Yes! ... I gonna cook something real nice

    Have you got … Oh so you don’t … How about … So not that either … Well then … Sorry, Sorry! I know this is a small shop, sure … Honestly did not mean ANYTHING! … Shoplifter? … No I am not … No I am not … Bye and sorry one more TIME!
    Keeper! … have I gone invisible? … WHY! WHY! I tell you why … NO, no I am going!

    Restaurant, pizza and beer to soothe this day’s rage … Yeah that is the healing medicine
    Soul repairing P&B-super-vaccine to heal every ill-will in my heart!

    Fire truck … Hoses … Wildly gesturing people ... What do you mean water pipe bursted? ... But how can it? … Okay, okay, I need just ONE pizza! … Please! … Risk of electric shock? Well, right now I wouldn’t mind. Okay okay I am GONE!

    I Turn my key, push the door, sigh deeply … How can this day be so, so, so …
    OH HI! This is a pleasant supr … A Smack on my cheek … No I just came in
    My day ... my day ... oh … ahh ... I was okay, nice … Actually quite nice… Great really!
    Yeah … Me TOO! ... Second smack on my cheek and all ill-will is gone - SIGH!

  1. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    I started reading this not sure to expect. When I saw no periods at the end of sentences and the way it was written I almost hit the back button. That would've been my loss! A very funny tongue-in-cheek account of a day in the life...lol.

    I started laughing here:
    Office lights are on, an unfinished job on my desk. I Gasp and try to calm
    Yes, yes … Sorry … Yes … I will … Of Course Yes … Yes right away ... By Two o’clock, yes!
    Ahem … Cough! Cough! … by the way … by any chance, have you seen self-respect?
    No? ... No you haven’t? … So that is a definitely a NO? ... Okay, okay! … Sorry!

    I laughed and smiled and laughed some more! There were some spots where you might've hit the 'shift' button accidentally because of words beginning with a capital letter which should be lower case but other than that, I just sat back and enjoyed the ride!

    It was worth the effort! Very good!
    hugs,
    Gail

    Åströmmer New Member

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    Hia Gail

    I'm glad you liked it.

    This was my second poem after break of over 20 years. Writing it was so much fun, although I do admit that I really am rusty right now. But I am rather convinced that I will get better.

    I am glad that I was able to make you laugh. That truly was the real point of the whole poem. Any work of art has earned it's legitimacy of existence when it has moved someone. Be it smile, laugh or disgust.

    Cya!

    Tatu

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    I enjoyed reading through your day. So, this is what it would have been like if Gregor Samsa could have got out of bed that morning. No wonder he stayed home. Great read... I like your writing style.


    Posted By JolieH | Jan 30, 2008
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    ¤Me¤ New Member

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    Gail wasn't the only one that this made laugh, you know. The style of your writing might first sound a waste, but seeing you use it, you KNOW how to use it and not make it sound horrible, and then it becomes perfect. This style in my opinion is very risky if you do not know how to write it, but YOU have no worry of that.

    I actually started yelling some of the words in my head while reading, as if I was sitting next to you in your office and seeing you shout out all those things.

    Made my day half the better than it used to be ;)
    Thanks for the read.

    Don't worry, the rust is going away all the while ;) By the way, have you got any of your older poems in store? I'd love to read some :)


    Posted By ¤Me¤ | Feb 5, 2008
    #5

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