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Discussion in 'Essays' started by muhowhow, Mar 9, 2011.



    muhowhow New Member

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    What does one live for.... what do I live for? Theres the occasional thrills given by different things, a good feeling from a certain Mary Jane once or twice a month, that fast paced heart-lifting rave music I find so dear, the meeting of a new person every once in a while... There are the chills, Creepypasta from different sites, scary movies, and urban legends... The aspirations, my practicing electric guitar, my learning a bit of japanese, my college schooling, and my martial arts/general body training....What am I still doing here, though? I am out of my element and yet I can't do anything about it. All these these things that make up my life seem so awkward to practice because I don't have the right kind of goals or the right kind of mindset. I could just go to my element, but that takes money. So does money rule our lives? Sadly, these days, yes. It very much does. I am an old soul living in a modern world and I feel like I don't belong in this society at all, like I'm being forced into learning new ways.

    No, I promise I wont turn this into a vent project. Instead, I'll focus on the good things in a reckless display of hopeful ignorance.

    I went on a date recently with a great artist. I won't give his name, but it wasn't going to work out for reasons I won't get into (I'm bisexual). Before I left, he gave me one of the sweetest gifts he could have given me; he painted a beautiful picture of CO for me on a canvas. The lake included took up roughly half the picture, meaning that it was upright whether it was right side up or up side down. On the back he wrote something to the effect of "I know that you are sad here, but I want this picture to be a portal to a sane place, because I want you to be happy." I almost cried at that, because whenever I feel out of place I look at the painting and I am transported to green hills and blue lakes. Too a place with acceptance and intelligence, a sanctuary of sorts for my heart.

    Its then that I realized that was where those rave songs, those dreams, those trips, and those new people were trying to take me. Not all of them combined were powerful enough to get me there, but this painting was powerful enough alone. It is because he knows me, he understands my ache and pain, and most of all he cares.... For a friend like that I can never be thankful enough. No one I ever met possessed such a sweet and caring personality, not even from my best friends. Since the picture alone is powerful enough, I can listen to the music and be even happier. I love the feeling, being so happy you want to cry in joy while singing your own perfect song.



    I want to dance along the hills with my soul mate, I want to sing the song of our life. I want to live a life where no one takes everything so seriously, and I want a group friends that I get and that get me. I would give up anything to get there, anything at all. That place is worth my life.


    Posted By muhowhow | Mar 9, 2011
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  1. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    What does one live for? What do I live for?

    There's the occasional thrill given by different things: a good feeling from a certain Mary Jane (OMG! I read this the first time and thought you were talking about a woman...lol.)once or twice a month; that fast-paced,heart-lifting rave music I find so dear, and the meeting of a new person every once in a while. There are the chills, Creepypasta (I googled Creepypasta. Woohoo! I'll be checking out more. Too freakin cool!) from different sites, scary movies, and urban legends. The aspirations, practicing electric guitar, learning a bit of Japanese, college, and martial arts/general body training.

    What am I still doing here, though? I am out of my element and yet I can't do anything about it. All these things that make up my life seem so awkward to practice because I don't have the right kind of goals or the right kind of mindset. (There are no 'right' kind of goals nor mindset, only your goals and mindset. ) I could just go to my element, but that takes money. So does money rule our lives? Sadly, these days, yes. It very much does. I am an old soul living in a modern world and I feel like I don't belong in this society at all, like I'm being forced into learning new ways. (I believe the most creative people feel this way, especially writers.)

    No, I promise I won’t turn this into a vent project. Instead, I'll focus on the good things in a reckless display of hopeful ignorance.

    I went on a date recently with a great artist. I won't give his name, but it wasn't going to work out for reasons I won't get into (I'm bisexual). Before I left, he gave me one of the sweetest gifts he could have given me; he painted a beautiful picture of CO (?) for me on a canvas. The lake included took up roughly half the picture, meaning that it was upright whether it was right side up or upside down. On the back, he wrote something to the effect of 'I know that you are sad here, but I want this picture to be a portal to a sane place, because I want you to be happy.' I almost cried at that, because whenever I feel out of place I look at the painting and I am transported to green hills and blue lakes, to a place with acceptance and intelligence, a sanctuary of sorts for my heart.

    It's then I realized that was where those rave songs, dreams, trips, and new people were trying to take me. Not all of them combined were powerful enough to get me there, but this painting was powerful enough alone. It is because he knows me, he understands my aches and pain, and most of all he cares. For a friend like that I can never be thankful enough. No one I ever met possessed such a sweet and caring personality, not even from my best friends. Since the picture alone is powerful enough, I can listen to the music and be even happier. I love the feeling, being so happy you want to cry in joy while singing your own perfect song.

    I want to dance along the hills with my soul mate; I want to sing the song of our life. I want to live a life where no one takes everything so seriously, and I want a group of friends that I get and that get me. I would give up anything to get there, anything at all. That place is worth my life.

    This is your best piece yet! You answer the questions you’ve been asking and do it with beautiful images. I hope to read more of your posts like this in the future!

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