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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    Mindings New Member

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    I thought perhaps it would be nice to open here with this little number!

    When ere the dreams pass by me in the lane
    And catch the summer sun within my glass
    I hold it there for all to contemplate
    A watchful cat glares back from on the grass
    No troubled look as such he gave me then
    Could weigh upon my mind without a care
    I pondered this as glass took ale to lips
    And beads of sweat did form beneath my hair.
    Oh reasoned man at rest upon the bench
    A cat is but a cat and nothing more
    My life is worth much more than worried frown
    My ale I took in one and drank it down.

    With that I took my glass back to the bar
    And taxi phoned abandoning my car.

    Copyright 2002: Philip G. Bell


    Posted By Mindings | Oct 1, 2006
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    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Mindings,

    I enjoyed your little number very much. The play on words was fantastic, and you kept true to the Sonnett form. The last two lines were just the perfect ending! The integration of the cat glarring, then referencing the cat again was very good. I thought of how they say the cat can see into the window's of our souls, when reading this, how appropriate. I just loved this piece! Take Care.

    Kimberly:wink2:

    Mindings New Member

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    Thank you Kimberly, I do love sonnets but have only ever written this one to date - I must get round to write some more.

    Philip :acute:


    Posted By Mindings | Oct 2, 2006
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    LOL - Hey MINDINGS - I liked this little number as well LOL - I knew once I'd read the title actually.... I said to myself "I'm gonna sure enjoy this one"

    As a fellow enibriate and fond friend of Lady Booze - I must say this one is quite amusing - Loved the content and how you did a sonnet with modern-day content.

    Really nice share! Thanx AND again Welcome to JPiC :)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Oct 2, 2006
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    Mindings New Member

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    Thanks Jacquii
    It seems the strangest mix but then I am a little eccentric!

    Philip


    Posted By Mindings | Oct 3, 2006
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    Altree94 VIP Member

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    Very interesting and well-written sonnet! This is one form that I haven't been brave enough to try yet. I like how you made your story-line more real by choosing a cat. No other creature can give you THAT look. With your description of the sun on the glass and holding it, you seem to draw your readers right into the pub with you. Great "hook" lines!
    Another enjoyable read - TY for posting!


    Posted By Altree94 | Oct 9, 2006
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    MetricalSonneteer In mind to beat Petrarch!

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    My praise to another sonneteer. Though Lines 9 & 10 didn't rhyme with any other, I can only wink at you for choosing those two not to rhyme rather than 11 & 12.

    My hat revmoved in your presence! Write more sonnets, and one day give Petrarchan a try (if you find your rhyming powerful enough).


    Cheers,
    Jonny

    Mindings New Member

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    Thanks Jonny. Not many spot that so first class observation! :yes:

    When I started writing poetry I had to refresh my understanding of form and no sooner than I looked up the 'definitions' I found poets (including many very famous ones) were changing and adapting the 'rules'.

    In trying to understand this I realised that terms such as "Sonnet" have to be a little flexible (Otherwise we wouldn't have so many variations!) What is trick of course is working out where the boundary is between still remaining a sonnet and becoming something else!

    In this poem I did set out to write a formal sonnet but with a modern day issue embedded in the story line. To this end I felt the slight drift seemed to work and hence didn't try to change it.

    I have just recovered from a nasty cold which left me being anything but poetic!!! However I will have a think about your challenge when my muse takes off her face mask and stops spraying me with antiseptic!


    Posted By Mindings | Oct 20, 2006
    #8

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