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Discussion in 'Short Stories' started by Juzjon, Jun 3, 2007.



    Juzjon New Member

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    Alan was my best friend
    the summer was so long
    we hiked in hills behind the house
    shot bb's at rusty tin cans

    Alan and I were buddies
    we hung around a lot
    played baseball after school
    until the sun went down
    he really had a spark in his eyes

    Alan had a dream life
    an Ozzie and Harriett family
    every imaginable gadget and toy
    and at least four baseball gloves
    his older brother loved him like crazy

    Somehow we competed
    although I think just in fun
    But Alan was always better
    our friendship was a gift from God

    Alan got good grades in class
    he never really tried that hard
    all the girls flirted with him
    I never thought Alan was that good looking
    who is at thirteen?

    Little did I know
    that summer in 1962
    that as Alan and I
    walked back from town
    all tanned and in our shorts
    back then flip-flops were just called thongs

    We had just bought pea shooters
    and a bag of peas
    walking down the sidewalk
    Alan hit everything he aimed at
    I missed most, hit a few
    our friendship was a gift from God

    Down the road a ways
    we came to a divided highway
    had signal lights and all
    with an island in the middle
    and a train trestle on the other side

    We were at that island
    pushing the silly light button
    so we could be on our way
    Alan just took off
    I still don't know why

    In an instant Alan was gone
    a tanker truck pulling over
    I remember the driver running at me
    telling me "please don't look"

    No one dies at thirteen
    especially not Alan
    not in front of my eyes
    it didn't really happed, did it?
    I was frozen in time

    Back at my house
    everyone was nice that day
    I remember my Mom ran me a hot bath
    she hugged me, told me to relax
    everything will be ok

    As I stood by the hamper
    starring at my thongs
    emptying my pockets
    a Boy Scout knife
    pennies, nickles, dimes
    baseball cards
    and peas

    I still miss Alan
    he was my best friend
    except
    that gift was gone forever

    Still sometimes I wonder
    when I feel a sharp sting
    Is that my buddy Alan?
    Sooting a pea at me?
    it must be
    Alan always hit everything he aimed at


    Posted By Juzjon | Jun 3, 2007
    #1

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Wow.
    this is...good.
    Hmm. are you sure it's not a poem?
    And....perhaps add some punctuation...it gives more meaning...
    like..
    at the end of phrases...you have some question marks...but like.
    "it must be...
    Alan always hit everything he aimed at."


    but I really like it.
    Is it based on something you experienced?

    Sally Roberts Forestdawn

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    John:

    It is sad it say the least.
    A superb short story yet I do agree with mango. The structure would be a great free verse poem.
    The reality of the story was heartfelt. To be sad for the loss of a childhood friend and to actually be standing right there and witness the dramatic mortality of the ending of a friend. indeed a profound unhappiness event.

    Thank you for sharing I truely wept.

    Blessings

    Juzjon New Member

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    Yes it did really happen to me, and it's something I will never forget. Perhaps events in life are what shape our emotional thought process. No, I know they do !

    Thanks,
    Juz


    Posted By Juzjon | Jun 4, 2007
    #4

    Sally Roberts Forestdawn

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    Thank you for sharing.
    I'm sure it was difficult to re-live the emotions from it. I commend you on your post.

    Thanks very much.

    Juzjon New Member

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    Sally, Once again thank you. In life we play the cards we are dealt. Some hands are good and some hands are bad. Nonetheless, I was blessed as a child to be just a brief part of Alan's life.


    John


    Posted By Juzjon | Jun 4, 2007
    #6

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