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    KingAce JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    A bit on the background of this poem. I was assigned to write a poltical poem for a creative Writing class at my college. The political poem is not something that had to do with the candidates but moreso a poltical issue. I chose to write about the homeless people in America. Feedback of any sort is greatly appreciated and thank you for your time to those who stopped through to read it.





    America’s Dumpster

    You can’t deny it or disguise what lies before your eyes,
    When it so blatantly cries out for help,
    Cries out for a hand,
    For money, change or even a second chance.
    “WAR VETERAN IN NEED OF WORK”
    “WILL WORK FOR FOOD”
    It’s like the part where you know you’ve flubbed a dance move
    During a competition where mistakes can’t be corrected.
    Sleeping on the stairs of a church.
    Outside closed doors as if your religion has not spoken that you’re neglected,
    But you vividly remember those doors never being opened,
    The feeling of rejection.
    Searching for the likes of money by any means,
    Because it’s the only way you’re accepted.
    Like a broken juke box,
    What’s next can’t be predicted
    And you start to go senseless losing senses
    Because the song you don’t want to hear won’t stop skipping.
    And it repeats the part that you cringe upon hearing.
    The one that slingshots unwanted emotions.
    “Could you please spare some change, I haven’t eaten in 3 days”
    They feel plagued and in a daze,
    Hoping and wishing for some kind of change
    Trying to escape the pain,
    Puppy dog eyes.
    But we just stare straight or put our heads down,
    And though our mind listens and stays
    The rest of continues to walk away.


    Posted By KingAce | May 12, 2008
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    Tha-Emissary Black Knight!

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    Yep I agree we do walk away many times. But it's a two headed situation. Because when you're working everday busting your behind it's hard to see someone else who's also able bodied that doesn't even try. I know it's hard but sometime you gotta quit asking why me? and step into yourself and say, "What's Next?" Cause ain't nobody gonna give you anything in this world. But you're right though we still need to have compassion once and awhile and give a brother or sister and hand up. Nice Piece Ace!
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    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    A sad, but true commentary on life as it is now. I think we turn our eyes from those puppy dog eyes because we know those eyes could be ours with one missed paycheck, or a serious illness, the death of a spouse or a divorce. I shudder to think how it would be for me or any of my family and hope a solution shows itself soon.

    Thanks for this commentary, it's a real eye opener!
    Gail
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    :wow: One of my most poignant memories is from when our Highschool band went to New Orleans - this was back in '93 I believe - A lovely competition - we won several awards and a grand time was had by all...

    In the French Quarter a couple girlfriends and myself were walking and a dude stumbles up and asks "Spare a couple dollars or any change?" -- Me being the smartass of the group says loudly "Hell naw - You betta try getting a job." And off we walked in the other direction - a few of the girls were laughing "Girl you so fuckin crazy..."

    Who would have ever thought that I'd one day find myself homeless - I'd actually lived out of my car for more than a few days. It was not as bad as some nightmarish stories I've heard and I was able to get housing sooner rather than later. But there are sometimes just circumstances.... Life has a way of popping you in the head every-once-in-a-while.

    There's a spiritual song (I can't remember the title or the lyrics at this moment) But the content is about a homeless guy who just happened to be Jesus. Noone could spare him any change...

    Anyway- very interesting write KING - Thanx for the sharing and good luck with the school thang ;) Holla @ ya Girl on IM sometime :p

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | May 14, 2008
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    KingAce JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Thank you for the feedback on this poem.

    Tha-emissary- You and I have never really been introduced but thank you very much for the feedback. I don't want to offend you or come off in a negative way but I would like you to consider the complications of finding not only a job but a job decent enough for them to get a place to stay. I also recently read this article in one of our local newspapers that highlighted a shelter that homless people gather at and the responses that have been generated because of it. People have expressed they are scared of homeless people and even worse, in some cases accused them of killing individuals because they are nearby the murder scenes. Homeless people for the most part are ignored because of the assumption that says they're alcoholics or drug addicts. these mind states prevent everyday people from even looking towards a homeless person. If they can't even get eye contact what do you think the chances are of that person getting a job?


    Posted By KingAce | May 14, 2008
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    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Ace this couldn't have gotten any better,

    I was worried since you hadn't posted in alil while,
    but this was worthy of praise,
    in fact picks me up after the kind i've been reading lately
    keep up with the gift

    booobooo Welcome To SAM's World

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    I Appreciate Your Content But Not really The Way You Express It. You Seem To Be Angry With Life...Cheer On...There Is Much More To It...


    Posted By booobooo | May 16, 2008
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    Curtis Spider Lee Curtis Spider Lee

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    Well said Ace.....in this world, so much could be said about the homeless and poor. Sadly it falls upon eyes that won't see and leaders who won't hear. Your work as expressed the pain and emotions of an ever growing population. Oddly enough, with our economy here and with the price of milk near $5 a gallon( Gas too!) Anyone of us could be next in line to the soup kitchen and pushing that shopping cart in the streets.

    KingAce JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    No. Not at all. I have never written a poem out of anger EVER! I don't want people to get the wrong impression. I am not angry with my life. I am quite a cheery person, so much in fact that I cause those around me to be cheery so that is not an issue. what I wrote in this poem is an issue and people take it lightly. In poetry, poets speak for those who cannot speak and for themselves so others will understand. If I wrote this poem out of anger or was angry in my life this poem would be a helluva lot different than it is now. I apologize if I offend you at all but please don't make assumptions about my life based on one poem you've read. Thank You for your feedback and Have a nice day.


    Posted By KingAce | May 16, 2008
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    well - no need to thank everyone else who commented you poem :glare:

    Jacquii.

    KingAce JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    I'm sorry Ms. Jaqcuii. I thought I went over that in my first response to the poem. I apologize thank you Kindly I really do appreciate the feedback especially because I haven't been on in a while. I felt like i'd be taking a chance seeing how many new people who have come to the site.

    Ms. Jaqcuii-I loved how you were able to connect with what was happening in the poem. I think we all can relate to some of the things said but not all of us have made changes based on what has happened. thank you very much the feed is much appreciated


    Posted By KingAce | May 17, 2008
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    :p - You know I love ya KING :blush:

    Jacquii.
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    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Hey King,

    I connected immediately. As a person who volunteers at a homeless shelter I have seen it first hand...and have experienced some (I won't go into details) in my as well. This is an awesome write and made me think of my poem about the homeless that I wrote some time ago. I was great to see your work again and what an excellent write it is. Thank you for posting this. Love ya lots!!

    Kim
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    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    lol, Jacquii!

    KingAce JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Thank You much for the response Ms. Kimberly. Greatly appreciated from you. hope all is well with you. Thank You once again to everybody who has responded to the poem.


    Posted By KingAce | May 21, 2008
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    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    King this is a great write I hope that the wteacher gave you an A for it its the sad truth what happens to the homeless. I was lucky to have known a homeless man and got him a place to stay and helped him find his family to bad others just stepped over him and others like him magnificent penning Sir King
    handshakes
    tom


    Posted By Bear | May 22, 2008
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    KingAce JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Thanks a bunch Bear for the feedback. It was a good thing for you to help a homeless individual out. I'm sure they were quite grateful for what you did for them. I wish everyone in the world were able to do such a thing for our homeless population...Thank You Bear


    Posted By KingAce | May 24, 2008
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    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    Your welcome King


    Posted By Bear | May 24, 2008
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    SarahNSH New Member

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    Review

    Hello KingAce!

    Well, this is my first time reading and reviewing one of your poems so first off it's nice to meet you! Secondly, I must say that I really did enjoy this poem of yours and I think that it's an important subject to talk about it... I personally live in a small town and I always have lived in small towns, but I do run across the homeless in the city whenever I go down there and we all kind of react like robots to it... seeing but not really seeing, all of us being on a mission to get to our destination in the city. I definitely think that this was a great subject to write about.

    Now, what I liked about your poem is that it has this underlying beat to it that when you say it in your head it reads like it'd be even more powerful being read outloud. Personally I feel like this poem would be fun to read at a poetry slam and to hear it spoken to a crowd. I loved how every few lines there was that beat to it and even found myself kind of tapping to the rhythm of it. I do want to make one suggestion with the last line:

    The rest of us continues to walk away.

    I think that just adding "us" completes the line since that the line before this mentioned how our minds wanted to listen and stay. Of course, this is just a suggestion and completely up to you.

    Besides this one line though I didn't find anything else to suggest or point out. I think that is a great poem dealing with an important subject that definitely needs to be talked about. I have written two poems on the subject of homeless and I keep on finding myself wanting to write more poems every time I go into the city. I loved the metaphors you used as well, especially the one about how it's like a song that keeps on skipping. You did a wonderful job with this poem, I'm very glad I came across it and thank you for sharing!


    Posted By SarahNSH | May 24, 2008
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    KingAce JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Thank you very kindly Sarah. it is a pleasure to meet you. I appreciate your feedback and even the suggestion towards a line that probably threw you off a bit. In many cases I probably would go back and change it but this is my style when writing poems that have such a loud message. The style being one that constantly reiterates the points of the poem even if they are only a couple words apart. I think to end on the note and use such a strong word as "us" keeps the reader thinking and thinking constantly that the us pertains to everybody who has ever done this. I will still consider your advice. Thank You Kindly for taking time to read my poem Sarah;


    Posted By KingAce | May 25, 2008
    #20

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