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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by lasher, Mar 26, 2007.



  1. Cheeky

    lasher Member

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    Angel’s Songs

    So lithe, so fragile, a delicate smile
    Velvet skin so soft, scented of wildflowers
    In bloom
    Against the odds we crossed the mile
    Like ragged soldiers from a lost platoon

    Auburn hair ablaze from suns' golden rays
    A taming gentleness of ones angry heart
    Flaming arrows from one family weighs
    From which to keep us both apart

    We steal away into the night
    Embracing love with open arms
    Our passions burn as we take flight
    Falling for each others charms

    Like songs sung from angels above
    It reaches to the depths of my soul
    To call it anything, it would be love
    She lifts me up; makes me whole


    Posted By lasher | Mar 26, 2007
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  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear lasher,

    This was a very nice read that I enjoyed very much. I am in awe of those who write in rhyme, as this floes quite nicely. What captured my attention was the title alone, and it is beautiful. I could feel the music poured into this piece as I read on.

    One suggestion, would be possibly to remove the word "of", in the first stanza, after the word "scented", to add more fluidity to the stanza, and allow the words to roll of the tongue. I offer only suggestions to omit words, and not change a poets words.

    p.s.----->I also added a space between the words "sun's" and "golden"; hope you did not mind ;)

    Bravo dear poet,

    {{{~~**PAINTED**~~}}};)2
  3. Cheeky

    lasher Member

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    I'm really glad you liked it,PD. Thank you much for the review and advice. I usually go through to pare out any useless words but, alas, sometimes they escape me..... And thank you for fixin' that spacing problem - that was one I was completely blind to. Thanx again for R&Ring, I really do appreciate it. T


    Posted By lasher | Mar 27, 2007
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    Insightful_Kitten~ New Member

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    Falling for each other's charms... lovn it.. that always seems to happen when ur in love, u say anything and the other falls for it.. every time... if anyone else was to say something you wouldn't believe it for a second.lol. but it's ok, it makes life easier at times ;)

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