Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!

Discussion in 'Spoken Word & Freestyle' started by Muse, Sep 23, 2007.



    Muse New Member

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2007
    Message Count:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Sparwood
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    I wrote this a few years ago, so in gr 7 or 8. It's one of my favourites though, so I thought I'd make it my first posted poem here. (Really sorry if this double threads. I had some problems)

    Band-Aids
    By Serena Scherer

    Go back to when you were oh so young,
    Nothing reached you but Momma’s Kisses,
    And you had no need for Band-Aids.

    Remember five years later?
    When you first fell off your bike,
    A Band-Aid and Momma’s kiss was all it took to stop the tears.

    Recall your first kiss?
    Such a young and innocent heartbreak,
    So you tried Elmer’s Glue and Scotch Tape before a Band-Aid.

    Now you’re in High School,
    Where bravado takes over everyone,
    So you suck back tears, laugh it off with friends and refuse a Band-Aid.

    Think you will grow up one day?
    Have your own child fall off a bike?
    Will you ever be the one putting the Band-Aid on?

    Do you believe that you will grow old sometime?
    Find yourself looking down on the world,
    And wish that a simple Band-Aid could cure everything. (This line used to be "And just wishing that a simple Band-Aid cured everything." Thank you to Mysty.)


    Posted By Muse | Sep 23, 2007
    #1

  1. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2006
    Message Count:
    925
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Canadian Prairies
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +52 / 0 / -0
    WOW .. Muse you do so have talent hon..... this was very well written... gave me goosebumps ... it is truly an excellent write.

    My only suggestion if I may.........you can use or lose it hon. is the finally stanza .... the last line...

    Do You believe that you will grow old sometime?
    Find yourself looking down at the world,
    and wish that a simple Band-Aid could cure everything.

    Just a little tense change.... because 2nd line leads one to believe that as they are looking down at the world .... they are dead so are reflecting....

    anyways hon was just a thought you can use or lose : )

    *Hugs*

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Sep 23, 2007
    #2

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Message Count:
    498
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    CA
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Nice Serina,

    I like how you follow time from past to present and future. The Band-Aid as a sort of home base really keeps your poem together.

    "Do you believe that you will grow old sometime?
    To find yourself looking down on the world,
    And just wishing that a simple Band-Aid cured everything."

    I'm sure you will dear, like the rest of us in the midst of our lives, and If Band-Aids cured everything, I'd have them all over the place, on my house, car, couple on my cat, a few on my mouth, LOL the list goes on.


    Posted By JolieH | Sep 23, 2007
    #3

    Muse New Member

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2007
    Message Count:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Sparwood
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Thank you Mysty, I do believe I'll use your suggestion. It'll sound better.

    And thank you Jolie. Just remember, if you try a band-aid it doesn't work, next step is duct tape, and if that doesn't fix it, nothing tangible will. ;)


    Posted By Muse | Sep 23, 2007
    #4

    Bear JPiC Contributor

    Member Since:
    Dec 7, 2006
    Message Count:
    824
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    excellent write Muse and I agree with mysty's suggestion
    hugs kisses
    bear


    Posted By Bear | Sep 24, 2007
    #5

    Benny New Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 20, 2006
    Message Count:
    716
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Western Kentucky
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Serena, beautiful work! Your idea for this was stupendous and I had no problem following this work...I love it. Tenses, verb usage...all that tech stuff comes with time and a keen eye...takes time, but took nothing away from this work. Great job!


    Posted By Benny | Sep 24, 2007
    #6
  2. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Nov 14, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,980
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Location:
    Claremont, CA
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +14 / 0 / -0
    Serena, this is very well written and reflective...allowing the reader to reminisce about various times that needed a "band-aid". Yes, nothing tangible will fix some things...except love and patience...though I think those could both be tangible things...the lack of them certainly is very tangible.

    Nomad

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page