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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by Sartor, Feb 12, 2007.



    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Basic Black

    I sat alone beside the bar,
    Nursing a gin with tonic drink.
    Having had better booze by far,
    I closed my eyes and tried to think.

    Where can I go, what can I do,
    To rid my mind of memory.
    Erase away the of thoughts of you
    And to be as I used to be.

    Soft music playing in the room,
    I sat there thinking what to do.
    An almost scent of soft perfume,
    Was drifting on the air anew.

    I raised my head and looked around
    At the piano bar in back.
    No greater beauty could be found,
    A Goddess dressed in basic black.

    A tailored dress outlined her form,
    The hemline fell above her knee.
    Her sultry eyes were green and warm,
    Her hair was long and loose and free.

    Her perfect lips were full and red
    And curved exquisitely for love.
    And, when she spoke the words she said
    Were gentle as a cooing dove.

    Stiletto heels and polished nails,
    Thin eyebrows in a perfect arc.
    A body made for dancing veils
    And secret meetings in the dark.

    We two alone were in that bar.
    I stared at her and then I knew,
    Each detail was so similar,
    That woman was another you.

    I left the bar, I left the gin,
    As darkness all around me drew.
    In headlong flight to once again
    Outrun the memory of you.

    Sartor


    Posted By Sartor | Feb 12, 2007
    #1

  1. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    :wow: Sartor the 1st thing that stands out in this poem is the title - Basic black makes me think of demure, lackluster, and boring LOL ---- Never have I been a fashion Diva - so I could possibly smack my hand for that LOL ---- Anyway - you can image how pleasantly surprised I was when reading and taking in this beautiful piece.

    2nd thing that stands out is RHYTHM... This poem is amazingly rhythmic, the flow is right on point and nicely laid out!

    Very nice - a soothing melody (if you will...) Actually the entire picture makes me think of happy hour in a not-so-busy jazz lounge - the atmosphere is a little dark, the mood right, the soft murmur of voices with a little "vintage" Miles Davis flowing in the background...

    Anyway - let me stop - Beautiful beautiful piece of poetry SARTOR.
    I enjoyed this write immensely - Thanx for sharing it with us ;)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Feb 13, 2007
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    athlone www.poetrypages4u.com

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    Sartor - evocative, sensuous and melancholy, certainly with a very innovative ending. Loved it.
    Zvi


    Posted By athlone | Feb 13, 2007
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    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Jacquii...........Your take on the poem was absolutely the way I pictured it when I wrote the poem. Thank you for your sweet response.

    Athlone.....Hey Zvi......I am delighted that you enjoyed the write. Thanks for the note of approval.


    Posted By Sartor | Feb 13, 2007
    #4
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Sartor,

    I read this several times, and it is just Masterful. Well thought out, executed brilliantly, amazing rhyme, intriguing content, and is completely perfect in every way. I LOVED THIS!!!! The splendid imagery gave me many ideas for a painting to do, just brilliant!!!! :hooray:

    {{{{~~~***KIM***~~~}}}}

    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Kim.........thanks so much for your very nice remarks. I am happy you liked the poem.


    Posted By Sartor | Feb 14, 2007
    #6

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