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    Mindings New Member

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    My darkest quest
    The demonic cell of Gore
    Took hold the fear
    And never came before.

    Oh raisin bloodstone
    Found upon the shore
    Take hold my fear
    In demonic cell of Gore

    But ne’er the feeling gone
    When closed the door
    Or eyes tight shut
    To out, the cell of Gore

    Oh, damned I feel
    Whilst prone upon this floor
    My bones are cold within
    This dampened cell of Gore

    And hours pass too slowly
    And my skin is truly sore
    Where I scraped in desperation
    Through this prison cell of Gore

    Let the worms make haste to take me,
    As I lie amongst the debris
    And the folk who clearly hate me
    Never turn their heads toward thee.

    And I close my eyes forever,
    In this demonic cell of Gore
    Just these words alone forsake me,
    To dwell beyond the door

    © 2006 Philip G. Bell


    Posted By Mindings | Oct 3, 2006
    #1

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    hello mindings this poem was well done by you

    Mindings New Member

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    Thank you Sir!


    Posted By Mindings | Oct 4, 2006
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    Altree94 VIP Member

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    You weren't kidding when you said this was a dark one! You've used the repetition well - it really adds emphasis. Perhaps it is just the way I was reading it but the rhythm seems a bit off in the 6th stanza.

    Let the worms make haste to take me,
    As I lie amongst the debris
    And the folk who clearly hate me
    Never turn their heads toward thee.

    I found myself stumbling over: "amongst the debris" and "heads toward thee". It flowed smoother when I read it as:

    Let the worms make haste to take me,
    As I lie amongst debris
    And the folk who clearly hate me
    Never turn their heads to thee.

    It is still a good write either way and as I said - could just be my awkward tongue, or maybe I'm just jealous that I didn't write it! TY for Posting!


    Posted By Altree94 | Oct 9, 2006
    #4

    Mindings New Member

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    Thanks Tree, I think what you may have discovered is a variant in the way we use pronunciation within our dialects with possibly the emphasis on the word debris - the two common forms being (de) with de being as the french de and the anglicised de where the e is as in get with a slightly shorter bris. With the first common usuage you are right that dropping 'the' reads better. With the second perhaps is remains.

    What an amazing thing language is.

    Philip


    Posted By Mindings | Oct 23, 2006
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    I really liked this a lot, it kind of reminds me of the raven by E a Poe. well done!


    Paul


    Posted By Poetical | Oct 23, 2006
    #6

    Mindings New Member

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    Thank you Paul, I did set out to write something in his style so I'm glad it worked for you.

    Philip


    Posted By Mindings | Oct 24, 2006
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    lanaia74 New Member

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    Deep, dark, and AWESPME!


    Posted By lanaia74 | Oct 24, 2006
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    You are very welcome



    Paul


    Posted By Poetical | Oct 24, 2006
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