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Discussion in 'Spiritual Poems' started by stardust, Jan 20, 2011.



  1. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    "BIG MOTHER."

    One day in the fall, a long time ago,
    There was a young girl full of dreams.
    She set out on a journey to freedom's land.
    Her high goals reached out to the moonbeam.
    She met a young boy who asked her to marry him
    With the promise of an everlasting love.
    Soon, they had a beautiful baby,
    And her heart was full of joy.
    Her prayers were answered from God up above.
    As so many years had gone by,
    All things had turned into blues on her way.
    Her broken heart was so scared and much in despair,
    She would have to part again in a day,
    For her loved one planned to slaughter her,
    Fold a snowy blanket, and with a blade skin her fur.
    Once conspiracy was set to hurt them.
    Reaching safety, they would be led to join.
    Mother and child felt as if they were under
    A death sentence that was chasing to be,
    But only God's living miracle set them all free.
    She took her child to safety with her mom and dad.
    They said, "Domestic Violence, Cruelty and Abuse
    Had taken its toll..."
    "Well, we'll take care of your baby, our grandchild.
    Go ahead, get a job, you've got a child to support,
    And at anytime you can call."
    But one day, it seemed too soon,
    God called her mom and dad to the eternal lane.
    Big mother and her child cried an ocean.
    Mother would listen to songs of her soul
    As a weeping devotion.
    Then, they were alone on the road again.
    She raised her child alone in places away from home,
    Teaching love and respect with lasting moral values.
    They both traveled and struggled the hardships
    With little or no clues.
    Mom and child were on the road again,
    But none of mama's teaching was learned in vain.
    Now, big mother is a proud grandmother.
    Her only offspring pours out her harvest,
    For three times she has given birth.
    Big mother is finally happy,
    For she's planted her good seeds on this Earth.

    Author: Stardust. (Starry):wow:
    This poem is dedicated to those victims,
    especially women with children, who suffer from
    Domestic Violence, Cruelty and Abuse.
    I hope and pray that God will help them one day.
    And that day will be justice for all. God have mercy!!


    Posted By stardust | Jan 20, 2011
    #1

  2. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Starry! It's so good to see you again, my old friend and to be back amongst my online family.

    I found your poem, and the message it sends, to be quite profound. Domestic abuse and violence go hand-in-hand. So many women and children are psychologically scarred, injured, maimed or killed by those who profess to love them. Post Traumatic Syndrome doesn't apply only to veterans but to those who survive abuse.

    My daughters and I live to tell the tale of emotional and sexual abuse so I can relate to most of what you've written here.

    I related to several of your lines.

    I can't remember how many hours I cried over what had been and what could've been and the pain my children suffered.

    ...offsping pours out...definitely a different way to describe the birth of grandchildren, lol. I was priviledged to be in the delivery room for the birth of my youngest granddaughter and there was no outpouring but the love I felt for her, lol. I did understand what you meant and loved your unique description.

    All in all, my sister, I loved this and hope it inspires others.

    Much love,
    Gail
  3. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Hey Ms Starry. I must admit - I found your poem a bit confusing. Each section bled into the other... I'm not sure where one thought ends and the other begins.

    So - I'll make the suggestion that you might break the piece into stanzas. This way the thoughts are not muddled and blended into one huge chunk.

    Stanzaic format will allow the reader to better evolve the meaning of your words as small parts transforming into a whole.

    ((hope that makes sense...))

    As for the content of your write. I think it's lovely sentiments...in the end. I like how Big Mother overcomes the strife of domestic abuse, head held high. It's a strong woman who continues with the business of life after such strife. My own Mama is such a woman :)

    Thanks for sharing.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jan 24, 2011
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  4. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Oh!! Woooowwww!!!! My dear old friend, Gail, I am so happy to see you here visiting me again.
    I am so pleased with you, sweetheart. I am glad you like my piece of writing, my true story or
    my modest poem. The subject matter is what it counts for me, the strong message that I would like to convey to the whole world. I shall try to re-write it and post it again in another form divided into separate stanzas. It is hard to do, since it will be stanzas with different lines, some shorter than the others. I write free style verses, like the famous American Poet Walt Whitman in the 20th Century.
    I am sorry to hear that you have been another victim of domestic violence, cruelty and abuse.
    Are you OK now, sweet Gail?? Do you have a peaceful life at home at the present time?? I hope so...
    There are too many women with children in the world who suffer these sort of abuses.
    It is very sad that nobody does anything or very little to help them. This poem is a true story.
    I also appreciate your thought about the way I describe the delivery of a baby by saying:
    "my offspring pours out..."
    You see, I always try to sound poetic in my writings. So, I love imagery, senses, metaphors, alliteration, simily and all kind of sources of good Literature to convey profound feelings or thoughts. Well, I hope and pray to remain in touch with you, my sweet old friend, Gail. I shall return...
    God bless you always, Gail, and all those you love in every step of the way!!
    All the Best,
    Starry.:tybow:

    ---------- Post added at 12:26 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:10 PM ----------

    Hey dear Ms. Jacquii,
    Thank you for stopping by to read my true story poem about domestic violence!!
    I am sorry that I have written it in one whole piece. I know it is harder to read the story.
    However, I do not know how I could separate the stanzas since some of them will be shorter or longer than the others. I write free style verse like Walt Whitman.
    The content is more important than the form, especially in this case that I am talking about a crime...
    I shall try my best to re-write it again, if I could do it...
    If anybody offers help to me, I'll appreciate it.
    God bless you always, Ms. Jacquii!!
    Thank you so much again, for sharing your wise evaluation and point of views!!
    I am grateful all the time.
    All the Best in your New Gorgeous Forum,
    Starry.:littleangle:


    Posted By stardust | Jan 27, 2011
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  5. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    hmmm- Perhaps think this: The story poem has chapters, each chapter is a stanza...

    And don't get me wrong - I'm not demanding you do a rewrite LOL - but if you are interested in doing a rewrite, re-post it in the Critique Saloon section. I have a few ideas and perhaps Ms. Gail will have suggestions as well ;)


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jan 27, 2011
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  6. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Thank you, Ms. Jacquii for all your kind suggestions!! It's very interesting...
    I'll do that. I'll post my new version at the Critique Saloon as soon as I'll have it ready.
    I am completely new to these things, about story-poems and things like that.
    I love to keep on learning in the field of writing poetry and prose.
    Yes!! It could be a new chapter, a new stanza and so on...
    You know, I am open to new ideas, comments and wise evaluations.
    Of course, we all try to improve ourselves for the better in our writing career.
    Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me, sweet Ms. Jacquii!!
    You may contact me at anytime.
    God bless you, and all your beloved ones!!
    All the Best,
    Starry.:giftrose:


    Posted By stardust | Jan 27, 2011
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  7. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    You are so correct and this is one reason I decided to create JPiC
    It's all about bettering our craft, while simultaneously sharing the poetic love!
    I look forward to you reposting in the Critique Saloon. But no pressure LOL


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jan 28, 2011
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  8. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Dear Ms. Jacquii,

    Thank you for replying so promptly, Ms. Jacquii!! I completely agree with you, dear.
    Yes!! I shall do my best to do it as soon as I can.
    We should improve our craft, and share our poetic love at the same time.
    When my new version is ready, I shall post it at the Critique Saloon for wise evaluations.
    I don't know when I'll do it. I'll try it anyway.
    God bless you always, Ms. Jacquii!!
    All the Best,
    Starry.:goodjob:


    Posted By stardust | Feb 7, 2011
    #8

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