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Discussion in 'Short Stories' started by PaintedDiary, Mar 30, 2008.



  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Birthday Gift

    Belle is a beautiful child with innocence as sweet as honeysuckle. Her mother boasts how Belle, at only ten years old, is completely captivated by the allure of the ocean. Fortunately, they live beside the ocean and Belle couldn’t be happier. The rocks, the scents, the sounds, the movement of the water, all are simply magical to her.

    Being challenged, Belle’s mother teaches her about the world around her and how to do things by making lists. Belle reads, learns, and follows instructions on the lists with all her heart and soul.

    Today is Belle’s birthday. She is so excited and can't wait to read what her mother plans for her on her birthday list! Following the list with all her heart and soul, Belle got up early, bathed, put on her new crimson dress, put a matching colored bow in her beautiful red hair, put on her new shoes, walked to her favorite rock overlooking the ocean, and jumped.

    PD


  2. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Wooowww!!! How an ending, Ms. Kim!! I did not expect this kind of ending... Did Belle try to dive into the water or make a demostration, or what else??... Was her action a Birthday gift for her mother, dear??...
    I am not sure, whether I have clearly understood Belle´s purpose for her jump into the ocean from a high rock. You might clear my doubts. Anyway, I like your story!!
    Thank you, Ms. Kim, for sharing your remarkable talents!! You are indeed, an amazing writer and poetess.
    Cordially,
    Starry.:thumbsup::thumbsup:


    Posted By stardust | Apr 3, 2008
    #2
  3. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Thank you Ms Starry for taking time to read and to comment! Yes....the mother was horrid and mean (though she portrayed to love Belle and boast about her, but really wanted to kill her), and she did not want Belle anymore...she wanted to kill her...but wanted it to look like an accident. Belle being challenge and learning disabled...Belle's mother took advantage of that and Belle was home schooled and learned best from reading and following instructions on lists. Belle's mother made her a Birthday list to follow which at the end instructed Belle to jump off the rock...killing her....thus....looking like an accident.

    Kim :)
  4. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Oh, Ms. Kim!! How sad!!...Poor Belle!! I never thought that your story had this sad ending. A good mother should love her daughter. I guess, this was not the case.
    Anyway, thank you, Ms. Kim, for sharing your work with us!!
    Cordially,
    Starry.:sign_thanks::yes:


    Posted By stardust | Apr 6, 2008
    #4

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    pretty awesome story,

    It might've been tragic,
    the mother caused the child to do that,
    but the way this story developed was great
  5. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Thank you so much Erik for taking precious time to read and comment. I value your reviews highly and I am pleased you like this one. I have more coming as well, with lots of twists. Thank you again and I will be commenting on your awesome "Emerse Me In September!"

    Love Ya'

    Kim :):curtsey:

    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    WOW didnt see that coming why did she jump it didnt seem like she was sad this is a magnificent mystery Painted I loved it cant wait for more to be written to get questions answered
    hugs kisses
    bear
    ps excellent


    Posted By Bear | Apr 12, 2008
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  6. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Bear,

    Thank you sooooo much Bear for taking precious time to read and comment. I am getting the reaction I wanted which is always good. Yes, I believe I explained in the Chatbox. Working on more, and thanks again. Much love to ya!

    :huggles:

    Painted :)

    Eric New Member

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    Kim,
    This is beautiful, I really like this a lot. Beautiful words


    Posted By Eric | Apr 14, 2008
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  7. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Eric,

    Thank you for taking precious time to read and to comment! I appreciate the review and am working on a few stories that I would love for you to read. Thanks again!

    Kim :)

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    What a fairy Tale,
    The mother is the evil witch in disguise. She was obviously jealous of something; evil witches are made of it. That is why they are usually green, green with envy or greed or a little of both. I think they are related. Perhaps the child had a gift her mother could have shared had she not acted on her emotion. She thought the only way she could possess the gift is to do away with the child. And so ends another lesson in Fairy Tale land or maybe not... maybe Belle was rescued. I mean, how could it be true? We just don't know the truth of the story yet.

    I love stories that make me think.


    Posted By JolieH | Apr 27, 2008
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  8. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Thanks for viewing and commenting Jolie. Tis fiction indeed. I wanted to end the story this way to see the reaction I would get, and yes, I have a part II...but am saving it a bit, to work out some details.

    Kim :)

    Tha-Emissary Black Knight!

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    Chris Cross will make you "Jump, Jump!"

    The Daddy Mack will make you "Jump, Jump!"
    Painted Diary will make em, "Jump, Jump!"
    Un hunh Un hunh
    You wrong for this one!
    It was Horribly Good!

    P.S. You should write a part II where Belle does the bank head bounce and doesnt tragically die but comes back for revenge with a list of her own.
  9. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Thank you soooo much for reading nd commenting! Yup...very wrong! lol...and yes...after I write a littl more in my Chopin Murders Short Story...there will be a part II and a ver y interesting one! Thanks again for your commentary...lol...sho' nuf makem' jump! ;)

    Kim :)

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