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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by Terence, Oct 19, 2007.



    Terence Member

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    These evenings are bittersweet -
    my only company is now
    the thoughts and memories of you –
    these visceral steel bars allow.

    But - all our days were that way too:
    delicious nights of love’s delights
    and loathsome days of leaving you -
    now etched upon these weeping walls.

    Victim of love my only crime,
    my lifetime sentence – solitude.
    With thoughts of you I’ll fill the time
    until our love can be renewed.

    ‘Tis bitter having loved and lost
    someone who is as sweet as you.
    Yet, it would be too great a cost
    if I had never loved at all.


    Posted By Terence | Oct 19, 2007
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    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    This is very sweet Terrence, I feel sorry for the girl this is about. You've captured a lot of traditional poetic sentiments - Nice rhythm and smooth style.


    Posted By JolieH | Oct 19, 2007
    #2
  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    This is just as the title depicts...Bittersweet. first one notices your poetic rhythm and flow which is fantabulous. I have read a number of your pieces and they are always so clean and precise. I don't think you have read any of my poetry, however, I could definitely use a few lessons from you. Great scribe Terence. Thank you for posting.

    Kim :)

    Terence Member

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    Thanks for your kind words Jolie.


    PD, I'm sorry if I have overlooked your poetry somehow. I just read 'Black Swan' and it is certainly my loss. And you don't need any advice, especially from a comparative novice like me. I appreciate your thoughts though.


    Posted By Terence | Oct 21, 2007
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    Smiley24_7 NOOB

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    As stated above, this is incredibly sweet.
    It reminds me of young girls writing about love and its experiences. It just seems so innocent. I really enjoyed it.

    Joy


    Posted By Smiley24_7 | Oct 21, 2007
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    Terence Member

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    Hi Joy, a belated welcome to JPIC. Thank you for your words. I try to connect with the reader on an emotional level, whether they be 16 or 66, and sometimes a simple approach is more effective than great depth. I'm pleased this reached you.

    Terence


    Posted By Terence | Oct 21, 2007
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    Beth Castillo New Member

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    Beautifully done. I usually hate romatic poetry because they tend to get sappy (especially in rhyme), but you managed to make it real and ... and ... (for lack of a better word) bittersweet :) ... Thank-you!

    Terence Member

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    Well, thank YOU Beth, "real" is a word I appreciate very much.


    Posted By Terence | Oct 21, 2007
    #8

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