Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    Beth Castillo New Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2007
    Message Count:
    90
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    I found a lump I'm sure did not belong,
    It grew so fast it took my breath away;
    I dreamed that day the cancer would be gone.

    Under my flesh my right breast felt all wrong:
    A cyst or something likely not to stay,
    I found a lump I'm sure did not belong

    The doctor said it had not been there long,
    Though it grew fast to swell my breast that way;
    I hoped some day they'd say the cancer's gone.

    They gave me drugs that left my poor head bald,
    They cut my femininity away -
    There was a lump that sure did not belong.

    Then radiation cooked me like a prawn
    Under a broiler an hour each day
    Then sure, real soon, they'd say the cancer's gone.

    Through my ordeal I found that I was strong,
    Please don't let it return, oh Lord, I pray;
    I found a lump I'm sure did not belong,
    but now I'm told the wretched cancer's gone.



    It took me a while to work up to posting this. Obviously, it's personal ... but you all are worth sharing it with :)

    Terence Member

    Member Since:
    May 7, 2007
    Message Count:
    162
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    Florida
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Thanks so much for sharing, Beth. My heart goes out to you for having to go through all that; it's great that you are a survivor.
    It's also a very good villanelle. That was the third form I tried at college and it took me ages to finish. Some say one shouldn't change the repeating lines, just the emphasis, but attitudes have changed a lot on that point.

    Well done, on all accounts.


    Posted By Terence | Oct 25, 2007
    #2
  1. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Message Count:
    5,998
    Trophy Points:
    198
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In a cloud of smoke...
    Home page:
    Books:
    2
    Ratings Received:
    +134 / 1 / -0
    Oh My! My Auntie finally stopped battling with breast cancer years ago - she said she just didn't want to be cut on anymore - the doctor's had taken one of her breasts.... BETH I found this villanelle not only beautiful - but since October is the month for "breast cancer awareness" - I found it right on time.... Beautiful not only because of the villanelle form executed so wonderfully - but also because of the strength of your "narrator"

    Lovely share - Thanx so much for sharing it with us ;)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Oct 25, 2007
    #3

    Beth Castillo New Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2007
    Message Count:
    90
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    I understand that, and originally I had all the repeating lines the same, but I found it helped transition the poem from past to present by changing the viewpoint, so to speak. :) Thank-you for your encouragement. :bright:):



    MsJ ... your aunt is a heroine and very brave. I understand her choice. It's tough on everyone involved.

    Personally I'm always aware of breast cancer, but I'll try not to bore everyone with it except in October. :D

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Message Count:
    498
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    CA
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Awsome Villanelle Beth.

    You are a brave and strong soul. All it needs now is a pink ribbon. I've never tried to write one of these, but I should. You all do so well with poetic forms. I didn't have any poetry classes in college. I would have taken one, but there was never any available in the time slots I had.


    Posted By JolieH | Oct 26, 2007
    #5
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0
    Dear Beth,

    This was beautiful. The form, beautifully executed, and the content exhibits a person of great strength. I am happy to read that the cancer is gone. My cousin has had breast cancer, and a double mastectomy. It was and is heartbreaking to go through that with her. My heart goes out to you and your family as well. This is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and for woman that have this run in their family, the awareness is a daily check year-round. You are a survivor and I commend you for taking it on as you have and also for sharing here with us. Thank you Beth.

    Kim

    Beth Castillo New Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2007
    Message Count:
    90
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Jolie and Kim, being a survivor is something that just happens ... like the cancer ... you don't really have much choice. What choice you do have is HOW you choose to survive it. :)

    Anyway, this poem and my "In the Pink" poem are the first poetry I've written since before I was diagnosed ... I think my muse was scared away, but she's back ... YAY! :bouncey:

    Aumakua Misunderstood

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Message Count:
    114
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Orlando, Florida
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    I agree with everyone above me, this poem is so beautiful. It shows how strong you stayed and it shows that you're now a much stronger person and your view on things are much different. I love the way you kept repeating that line, it gave it so much more meaning. I'm so glad it came to a good ending :)


    Posted By Aumakua | Nov 3, 2007
    #8

    Beth Castillo New Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2007
    Message Count:
    90
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Thank-you, Aumakua ... I appreciate your encouragement. :)
  3. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Nov 14, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,980
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Location:
    Claremont, CA
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +14 / 0 / -0
    My goodness, Beth! This was so moving...and made even more powerful with the repetition of the Villanelle form. I am honored that you felt comfortable enough to share this with this community of your newfound friends...it is intensely personal, but we applaud the strength and hope and and sheer tenacity within the poem.

    Awesome write!!

    Nomad :yay:

    feralpen New Member

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2007
    Message Count:
    41
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Dear Beth;

    Yes I agree that you have survived a hideous trauma, I also agree that with attitude and inner strength you have battled heroically... but now your poem (to me) speaks of greater healing and yes... need. You need support and understanding for what you face from here. I was touched by your elation that your ability to write (or even the desire to) is returning. In putting down your thoughts, being true to yourself about your feelings and then sharing, that others might seek the comfort and kinship afforded by someone who has walked the walk, you give a great gift. Style, structure and form are presented very well in 'Breast Cancer', but sweetie, the content is open, honest and sincere. I'm sure that you will find that you have helped many with your selfless sharing. I do sense the beginning of emotional healing... that brings me a smile.

    fp


    Posted By feralpen | Nov 7, 2007
    #11

    Beth Castillo New Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2007
    Message Count:
    90
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Thank-you ... of course I had to share it with you all, because obviously you understand the power of the form :D

    Aw, that's well spoken, fp ... emotional healing is the hardest healing of all, I think ... it helps to have sympathetic friends ... thank-you.

    Beth

    BekiLynn New Member

    Member Since:
    Nov 11, 2007
    Message Count:
    56
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Southern California
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Beth, I am new here but I wanted to say what everyone knows, writing can be great therapy for getting throgh the hard times of our life and for celebrating when we come out the other side. My son died from cancer last year and I could not write until very recently.....so I understand that feeling. The best poem (in my opinion) I ever wrote is a villanelle and it t was also the one that took the longest to finish. I adore the form but am a traditionalist who feels you should not change the repeating lines, as someon e mentioned...part of the challenge of the form that draws me is finding 2 lines that bear repeating , that seem absilutely necessary to the poem and not just there for the sake of the form. I think your two original lines stand up fine. But again, that's a personal thing. Your poem is a message of hope.....we need those. Thanks for giving one.


    Posted By BekiLynn | Nov 11, 2007
    #13

    Beth Castillo New Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2007
    Message Count:
    90
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Thank-you beki ... I think I may be a rebellious traditionalist :D ... no, actually, the woman who taught me the villanelle form never did her repeating lines identical ... I suppose I assumed the variation was acceptable. I'll probably continue occasionally messing with everyone by messing with those lines ... ;)

    also, thank-you for your kind encouragement. :)

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

    Member Since:
    Feb 16, 2007
    Message Count:
    971
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Wow!
    I can't believe I missed this jewel.
    I salute you for battling and beating cancer :wub:
    You are a hero :]
    *huggles*

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page