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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    Closet_Writer Pro-Ninja

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    Butterfly Hopes
    by L. E. Evenston

    Hoping
    Butterfly hopes
    In brightly colored lamps
    To light the way of those once lost
    Along

    Dreaming
    Butterfly dreams
    With creativity
    Burning hot and deep in my core
    Reaching

    Telling
    Butterfly lies
    A fluttering secret
    That wasn't supposed to be shared
    Ever

    Loving
    Butterfly love
    A glimer of true self
    Followed by a wall built up high
    And wide

    Friendship
    Butterfly friends
    Come and go with the tide
    Just wanting a brand new Leader
    Today

    Hoping
    Butterfly hopes
    Hidden in brighter masks
    To attract the rest of the world
    To me

    Altree94 VIP Member

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    A couple of little technical errors - because I know you wrote it in a rush between shifts of eyes! LOL!
    Overall, a fantabulous poem!!!!!!
    Especially love the ending cinquain.
    Simply Butterfly Beautiful!
    - Tree.


    Posted By Altree94 | Apr 6, 2007
    #2

    Closet_Writer Pro-Ninja

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    There. I fixed the last of the typos and added that missing syllable. >.< Which was also a typo.

    Jeez Banned

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    Very well done...and
    the feelings shine from
    the page.

    You are showing
    that with each
    breath...

    the next verse
    gets deeper.

    Really enjoyed this
    great write of yours.:policeman:


    Posted By Jeez | Apr 6, 2007
    #4

    dazamaru Member

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    I really enjoyed this piece.
    I felt some negativity in the 3rd stanza.
    But overall it had good form,
    and the intent was clear.

    butterfly dreams indeed.


    Posted By dazamaru | Apr 6, 2007
    #5

    Benny New Member

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    Bri...wonderful poem...these forms are so hard for me to conform to...but I do expect to try my own hand at them in the future. I applaud you for getting yours out there...and I love it!


    Posted By Benny | Apr 8, 2007
    #6
  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear CW,

    With each verse, the butterfly gets deeper and deeper. There is contrast in a few that deepens each verse even more, as in stanza #3 as Daz mentioned. Just sitting back and looking at the poem as a whole, it looks like a butterfly as well. Just fantabulous CW! Loved it!!

    {{{~~**Dr. Rob**~~}}};)2

    Closet_Writer Pro-Ninja

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    Thanks to all for reading it!

    To Jeez: I'm glad I was able to show the feelings out in the poem. I really struggle with that, thinking that I'm not doing enough, but apparently I am.

    To Daza: I put the negativity there on purpose, showing that there is more to a butterfly than we all think.

    To Benny: I actually find forms like this easier. There's only a certain amount of space you can work with, so I have to put what I say there and not all over the place in 26 page poems (No offense to those who write 26 page poems.. I just can't do it. ^.^)

    To Kim: Thank you for reading and commenting on everything I've put up so far. ^.^ You're awesome. I'm glad you liked it!

    You guys are all super duper awesome! ^.^


    Extra brownie points to those who can guess what the butterfly is, symbolically.

    Altree94 VIP Member

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    I think the butterfly is your soul which is holding all of the things of which you write. Your hopes, dreams, secrets, friendships and loves.
    Do I get the brownie points?
    - Tree.


    Posted By Altree94 | Apr 9, 2007
    #9

    Closet_Writer Pro-Ninja

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    I'm sorry, Tree, you don't :( The butterfly isn't me.

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