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    mariahenriques New Member

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    you
    like a chacal,
    i can feel

    your teeth in my neck,
    blood
    sweat
    and that loving killing way

    of yours.

    could be love
    could
    be
    passion
    could be
    just a minute of
    pure lust
    lost in every second of
    time

    but its only you
    a chacal and my

    blood in your

    mouth.

    your
    teeth devouring me.
    my life.



    Maria**
    in my poems for mentor
    12.4.05

    FaShaBaby Rhapsodist Pinay

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    I like this. It was haunting and romantic. The format, I feel, made the poem that much more interesting to read. Well done.

    "your
    teeth devouring me.
    my life."

    Nice ending, too.


    Posted By FaShaBaby | Apr 7, 2007
    #2
  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Maria,

    :wow: This was something. I read this several times, and is one of those poems that one cannot forget. The spacing and pauses lends to much imagination to pour in, and one can take your words to wherever they want. Could be a love so wild and passionate or a lust so wild and passionate. That is powerful parallelism in this piece. The ending is just as powerful with just two words--->my life. The feel is not forced, so the pain seems almost welcoming in a sense. Then I keep going back to those words--->devouring me. Then I sense a sort of entrapment, or a situation one cannot change, and perhaps does not want to. As you can see, this poem moved me nonetheless, and I loved it. Those words just linger like the smell of smoke from a fire. Fantabulous!!!!!! :bravo:

    {{{~~**KIM**~~}}}:)

    mariahenriques New Member

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    Hi!--:hi:

    Dear FaShaBaby wrote->>>>It was haunting and romantic <<<<

    Dear Kim wrote-
    >>>>>Then I sense a sort of entrapment, or a situation one cannot change, and perhaps does not want to.<<<<<--

    Thanks to you both for your kind words on that poem and yes--exactly that--its a poem about wildlove-- about passion and pain, but also about the pleasure of being touched by a very strong feeling and yes quite emotional I guess - im so glad you liked it and thanks for both fair critics --I first wrote it in Portuguese but guess it sounds much better in English--Ive tried to make musical with some kind of rythm between words...Devouring me yes:)


    Love!

    :girllove:
  2. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Maria, so much passion and acceptance of pain in this piece! Extremely alluring...almost vampiric!!

    Nomad

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