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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    feralpen New Member

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    Chans't and Lost

    Whilst twisted doth the honeysuckle twine
    'round whited trellis crown atop her gate
    Lit candle 'pon the sill doth well define
    My course, my cause and on this night my fate
    Fair Gen'vieve's heart tremble whilst she wait
    And pray the master wake not from his sleep
    Now staid the steed, on silent foot I creep

    As Gen'vieve lay hand to lintle stone
    A glance is chans't to courtyard here below
    Then flicker'd flame find palor pale as bone
    From cherry lips slip whisper whisper'd low
    "Sweet William will ye save me from my woe"
    I answer on allegiance of last breath
    "We'll have this night together or have death"

    I lift her softly down and then we flee
    But hounds awake excited of our scent
    Bound to the horse, I pull her up to me
    A single shot ring out, two hearts are rent
    As one we fall and know that all is spent
    One sweetened smile, one softened sigh of bliss
    One moment only left to press a kiss.


    Posted By feralpen | Nov 7, 2007
    #1

    Beth Castillo New Member

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    Well ... well ... that's not too bad ;) ... the shakespearian quality adds to the romance of the piece as well as the tragic and bittersweet ending ... can't wait to see more :)

    feralpen New Member

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    Evening Beth;

    Thanks for stopping by for a read and leaving a wonderful comment. I like poems that tell stories, so I try to do some of those. Rime Royale is supposed to maintain iambic pentameter as does the English Sonnet. I just have a devil of a time with stressed and unstressed. I do hope to get better with the form. Thanks again.

    fp


    Posted By feralpen | Nov 7, 2007
    #3
  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    FP I love this piece because I feel that the old English wording adds to the "risk all for love story"...sucker for a happy ending usually, but this is very well written and entertaining to boot. I haven't heard of a Rime Royal before, so I shall have to check it out.

    Thanks for posting...
    Nomad :yay:

    feralpen New Member

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    Morning nomad;

    Thanks so much for the wonderful comment and encouragement. I'm pretty new to form poetry. I researched the English Sonnet some, but many of my poems tend to go long. I can't always get a story finished in 14 lines. The Rime Royale allows an unlimited number of 7 line stanzes. Pattern is ababbcc. Iambic pentameter. And should retain the strict stressed/unstressed rhythm. As you can see, I have much to learn.

    I like happy endings too.

    fp


    Posted By feralpen | Nov 8, 2007
    #5
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear fp,

    This was quite a storem as I call them (poetry + story). The addition of the "Old English" language, adds to the richness of the romance. To have the patience to scribe beauty as such is remarkable. Most Rime Royal's can be quite long, and this was just enough to capture the bitter and the sweet in three stanzas, as well as swallow your audience in the process...tis a classic. I give you much respect for scribing such a strict poetic form, and the result is as beautiful as a 16th century Reymerswaele. I look forward to reading more of you as this was a poetic treat to be brought back to the 16th century. Loved it fp.

    Kim :)

    feralpen New Member

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    Dear PD;

    Oh my! What a kind comment for my poem. I'm glad that my attempt at the period vernacular came through at least a little. I haven't developed a true style yet ... still searching. A lot of my poetry is not for everyone, I tend to write in a phonetic speech pattern that to me is more how folks hear than how they speak... drives grammar students nutzzzzzz !

    But for now... thank you for the wonderful comment and encouragement.

    fp


    Posted By feralpen | Nov 9, 2007
    #7

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