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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by mangodroplet, May 7, 2007.



    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    The cacophony-
    crashing, screeching, screaming
    echoes in the alley.

    hmm.
    maybe a better vision...

    The cacophony-
    clashing, screeching, yellling
    echoes in the alley.

    THERE. now it's less than 17 syllables ;)

    Jeez Banned

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    mango,

    Yes... yes ' can
    hear it...

    ' have heard it
    echoing in the
    laneways alleys.

    :thanx2:
    for the read.


    Posted By Jeez | May 7, 2007
    #2

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks so much for your comment Jeez!
    *huggles*
    YOU ARE AMAZING!

    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    I have heard that many times in the chicago alleys excellent write Mango
    hugs kisses
    bear


    Posted By Bear | May 8, 2007
    #4

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks Bear...
    hmmmm this poem builds up, and then seems to mellow out..
    all in 3 lines o_O
  1. Malnourished

    Ariono-jovan Labu Member

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    defiantely brought the street ku` close... can truly relate artist. one-

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks for reading and commenting Ariono :]
    *huggles*
    Glad you related to it...
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Ms Mango :giftrose:,

    Nice layering, and strong visual. You scribed it as if right outside my window, and I am felling it, and hearing right now! Awesome write, and thank you for sharing this little piece of paradise.

    ~~~~~KIMBERLY~~~~:<(@

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Dear Mrs (almost!) Kim!


    *huggles*
    thanks for commenting...
    I'm glad you felt it....
  3. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Hey Ms. Mango - I love this little one because it's almost comforting...if you live in the city, although sometimes the noise gets annoying...you would wonder if something was wrong if it wasn't there...so it's almost like you can stop and be aware that all is well...as it resonates in the alley...and with your heart...home. :musicbox:

    Nomad

    Benny New Member

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    Wonderful work...I do think I've been right there at that spot you've painted for us. Great stuff!


    Posted By Benny | May 11, 2007
    #11

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    nomad-yes.....it's like.....when people from the city move to the rural country, they think something is wrong....

    noise maybe just means that there is someone there :]
    --------------------------
    --------------------------
    Thanks Benny :]
    *huggles*
    :huggles:
    I loves you!
    <congrats on the story btw!>
  4. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Ah the cacophany of street-sounds
    The hustle & bustle
    is nearly seen in the lines
    of your haiku.
    Vivid imagery - I could almost
    hear the taxi cab blow.

    Nice write MANGO - thanx for the sharing ;)

    Jacquii.

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    Thanks MsJ! *huggles*
    Imagery makes the world go round.....

    bloodletting_of_the_sky New Member

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    i am wondering just what action requires the use of vocal cords to produce screaming and screeching in a alley.... most definitly great usage of the word cacophany... produces a still running chill down my back when read....
    7 stars out of ten for you...

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    lol
    no vocal cords could do that...
    haha...
    different things in the city do different things :D

    anyway...thanks....

    guesswho32570 New Member

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    Hey....this is good imagery and very thought provoking. Keep up the good work!:thumbsup:

    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    wah!
    Thanks! :wub:
    haha....wow. this post got more replies than i ever thought possible... o_O

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